I never thought this would be me
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
I never thought this would be me
Hi everyone,
I hope this post won’t turn out too long, but I have a feeling it will. I’ll try to be brief.
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I stumbled upon this site a few days ago, and have been reading a lot of the stories. The support here seems great, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
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My story with alcoholism revolves around the man I live with. Before I moved in with him a year ago, I had little experience with it. Sure, I partied in college, my parents are “social” drinkers, but it’s never been a problem with anyone I know. I rarely, if ever drink now myself, and I honestly don’t miss it.
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My partner, however, is another story.
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First of all, we work together. That is how we met. White collar, good paying jobs. We were both going through divorces a few years ago, and we became close friends. It evolved into more, and now I have a 7 month old son with him. I officially moved in with him (his house) after he was born, and this is where the real problems began.
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I knew he had a drinking problem before, I just didn’t know the extent. I suppose it’s important to note that he lost both his mother and father to cancer—watched them both pass away in front of him—when he was in his 20’s and 30’s. He has three children with his ex-wife. Their divorce was very, very ugly. She has subsequently denied him visitation 2 years after the divorce, although he is a good father to his children (he never drank around them after the divorce—I was with him, so I know), never abusive to them, and pays over $2000/month child support (has never missed).
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Ok, so there’s a quick background. Let me try to shorten this a little…
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He drinks typically 5 nights a week. Rum and coke. I’d estimate 10 drinks (1.5 shots each). More on the weekend (usually all day Saturday). He claims he’s just “partying,” like he’s still at his frat house (at 40 years old) and just wants to have fun. He’s admitted to me an a couple occasions that he thinks he has a drinking problem, but for the most part denies it. He won’t give it up. He won’t seek help. Ever. He blames therapists for losing his 3 kids (longer story there).
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About once a week we have a blow out. I’ll give him a “look,” or make a comment he doesn’t like. He goes into a rage mode—no logic, no reasoning, just pure anger. He has not physically hurt me, but the verbal abuse is unbelievable. Twice in the past month I’ve packed some things and have taken our son to stay with my mom or brother for the night. He’s very remorseful the next day, although rarely ever says sorry or admits fault. He usually cries—tells me how he can’t live without us, and begs me to not take another child from him.
I’ve always been a very stable, happy, well-adjusted person. I’m the one people come to for advice or help. Now I feel like I’m the one who needs help. In my head, I should leave. In my heart, I can’t. I want him to be with his son. I feel for his losses. I love him when he’s sober, but he becomes someone I don’t know when he’s drunk. I’ve read other posts in here about falling out of love with someone—not standing the smell on their breath and not being attracted anymore. I feel that too.
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He’s a good worker—very good at his job, and probably borderline genius. He’s never hung over, although on the days he doesn’t drink he’s typically too worn out to do much. His smarts and physical strength have probably given him a false sense of superiority, however. He cannot find faults within himself.
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Anyway, thanks for reading. I’m at a loss as to what to do. He used to say things will get better as he distances himself from the ex-wife and his 3 kids, but it’s been over a year since he’s seen or spoken to any of them. It’s not getting better.
I hope this post won’t turn out too long, but I have a feeling it will. I’ll try to be brief.
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I stumbled upon this site a few days ago, and have been reading a lot of the stories. The support here seems great, and it’s comforting to know I’m not alone.
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My story with alcoholism revolves around the man I live with. Before I moved in with him a year ago, I had little experience with it. Sure, I partied in college, my parents are “social” drinkers, but it’s never been a problem with anyone I know. I rarely, if ever drink now myself, and I honestly don’t miss it.
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My partner, however, is another story.
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First of all, we work together. That is how we met. White collar, good paying jobs. We were both going through divorces a few years ago, and we became close friends. It evolved into more, and now I have a 7 month old son with him. I officially moved in with him (his house) after he was born, and this is where the real problems began.
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I knew he had a drinking problem before, I just didn’t know the extent. I suppose it’s important to note that he lost both his mother and father to cancer—watched them both pass away in front of him—when he was in his 20’s and 30’s. He has three children with his ex-wife. Their divorce was very, very ugly. She has subsequently denied him visitation 2 years after the divorce, although he is a good father to his children (he never drank around them after the divorce—I was with him, so I know), never abusive to them, and pays over $2000/month child support (has never missed).
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Ok, so there’s a quick background. Let me try to shorten this a little…
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He drinks typically 5 nights a week. Rum and coke. I’d estimate 10 drinks (1.5 shots each). More on the weekend (usually all day Saturday). He claims he’s just “partying,” like he’s still at his frat house (at 40 years old) and just wants to have fun. He’s admitted to me an a couple occasions that he thinks he has a drinking problem, but for the most part denies it. He won’t give it up. He won’t seek help. Ever. He blames therapists for losing his 3 kids (longer story there).
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About once a week we have a blow out. I’ll give him a “look,” or make a comment he doesn’t like. He goes into a rage mode—no logic, no reasoning, just pure anger. He has not physically hurt me, but the verbal abuse is unbelievable. Twice in the past month I’ve packed some things and have taken our son to stay with my mom or brother for the night. He’s very remorseful the next day, although rarely ever says sorry or admits fault. He usually cries—tells me how he can’t live without us, and begs me to not take another child from him.
I’ve always been a very stable, happy, well-adjusted person. I’m the one people come to for advice or help. Now I feel like I’m the one who needs help. In my head, I should leave. In my heart, I can’t. I want him to be with his son. I feel for his losses. I love him when he’s sober, but he becomes someone I don’t know when he’s drunk. I’ve read other posts in here about falling out of love with someone—not standing the smell on their breath and not being attracted anymore. I feel that too.
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He’s a good worker—very good at his job, and probably borderline genius. He’s never hung over, although on the days he doesn’t drink he’s typically too worn out to do much. His smarts and physical strength have probably given him a false sense of superiority, however. He cannot find faults within himself.
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Anyway, thanks for reading. I’m at a loss as to what to do. He used to say things will get better as he distances himself from the ex-wife and his 3 kids, but it’s been over a year since he’s seen or spoken to any of them. It’s not getting better.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Welcome to SR Josie. Glad you found us.
You need to take care of yourself and your baby. There's is nothing you can do for him. It's totally up to him.
We used to move to run away from the alcoholism, but the da**ed disease was always still there. So, him claiming that once he distances himself from his ex and kids will make life better isn't true. We can run, hide, change our phone number, but the disease is within us. They have to face that before healing can begin. And if he's still on the fence about whether or not he's got a problem, life will continue in the same way.
You know and see there is a problem. That's half the battle. Good for you that you're smart enough to see that. Now you can start taking care of yourself. Alanon, reading literature, and posting here. Even counselling for yourself might be a good idea.
Remember that there is nothing you can do to help him. Nothing. Sounds awful, doesn't it, but it's a fact we all have to accept eventually. When we do, we can begin our healing.
((((((((((((((((Josie)))))))))))))))))))))))
You need to take care of yourself and your baby. There's is nothing you can do for him. It's totally up to him.
We used to move to run away from the alcoholism, but the da**ed disease was always still there. So, him claiming that once he distances himself from his ex and kids will make life better isn't true. We can run, hide, change our phone number, but the disease is within us. They have to face that before healing can begin. And if he's still on the fence about whether or not he's got a problem, life will continue in the same way.
You know and see there is a problem. That's half the battle. Good for you that you're smart enough to see that. Now you can start taking care of yourself. Alanon, reading literature, and posting here. Even counselling for yourself might be a good idea.
Remember that there is nothing you can do to help him. Nothing. Sounds awful, doesn't it, but it's a fact we all have to accept eventually. When we do, we can begin our healing.
((((((((((((((((Josie)))))))))))))))))))))))
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
josie - welcome to this wondeful site. we are all here to support one another! you will read it here many times - try al-anon. it is a wonderful support group that helps you focus on what you can change - YOU. you can't change, cure or control the alcoholic. read all you can on the friends and family link. you are not alone. we share your pain because we are there or have been there, but finding this site, al-anon & counseling will help you.
hugs - chris
ps - i am a lady even tho my avatar shows a "hunk". we do even have some fun on this site - somehow someone started it by putting their "favorite" hunk as their avatar (picture under your login name). some of the rest of us followed suit.
hugs - chris
ps - i am a lady even tho my avatar shows a "hunk". we do even have some fun on this site - somehow someone started it by putting their "favorite" hunk as their avatar (picture under your login name). some of the rest of us followed suit.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
begs me to not take another child from him.
Sorry, I don't mean to be a smart*ss...welcome to the world of ABF's. They are superb at making their actions somehow your responsibilty. The problem is NOT you may take his child away, the problem is he is abusive when he drinks.
A son will naturally model his father. Is this the behavior you want for your child? The behavior your ABF would want for this child?
I urge you to learn all that you can about this disease. Attend meetings and read, read, read. You can't change him or his perceptions, the only one you can change is you.
(((Josie)))
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Pittsburgh, PA
Posts: 261
and the more you try to change him, control him, the crazier you will get in all of the madness..You have to let go and focus on yourself..Sometimes its alot easier said than done...I keep the Serenity Prayer at my desk now to remind myself...There are a lot of great caring and knowlegeable people here to help and support you!! Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Originally Posted by Josie22
I’ve always been a very stable, happy, well-adjusted person. I’m the one people come to for advice or help. Now I feel like I’m the one who needs help.
Sounds like me..I know everyone has said this already but try Al-Anon..I am 36 years old and am smart, happy (when I'm not with an alcholic) and try to be well-adjusted..but what I've found is that I LOVE alcoholics..Dated a few of them, lived with ohe but by the grace of god, have not married or had children with one of them..
I have been going to Al-Anon for 8 months now. Before AlAnon I did years of therapy and life coaching, which helped but for me Al-Anon has been a life saver..The minute I walked into the room, I found a community of men and women who understood me and what I was going through..My friends couldn't understand why I (Ms. Successful, white collar MBA) was dating a partier..but then they didn't see his loving caring side..Then again I was the only one seeing his drunk rageful side too..As you will hear: Alcoholism is a cunning, baffling disease..You didn't cause it, you can't control it and you can't cure it...
In Al-Anon you will learn tools to keep your sanity and learn how to deal with the alcoholic in your life by taking care of YOU...
I too found myself really sad because my most recent ex A (only 6 months ago)..his father is dying of cancer..I always found myself able to rationalize his behavior towards me (his first girlfriend cheated on him..ya da ya da..) the thing is..we all have choices..My ex's choice was to drink and not treat me well..If I spoke up..he got angry and would leave or not talk to me for a few days ..or whatever..
I am actually grateful he broke up with me..and in AlAnon I found the strength to let go..because I could have manipulated him back into a relationship with me (like we did a few times before..)
Anyway, I'm rambling..this board is a great place. I hope you will try AlAnon..It does get better..
Hugs,
Minx
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
Thanks for making me feel welcome here.
I mostly have feelings of despair right now. The problem I've found myself in is, having a 7 month old, I can't just wake him up in the middle of the night and go to avoid the abuse. I've tried calmly going upstairs and getting into bed in the guest room to avoid his tirades, but he only follows me, yells more, slams the door repeatedly, etc.
And since we work together, I would have to find something else. My salary is decent here, and I'm afraid I'd be hard pressed to find something comparable. Having to pay rent + childcare is not a prospect I want to face.
...in fact, he cheerfully walked up to me just now, told me he was going to stop at the liquor store on his way home.
He just has no clue. This after our worst fight yet over the holiday weekend. I know he can see that I'm on the verge of tears most of the time. It probably makes him want to drink more so he doesn't see it.
I've thought about Alanon...but I'm scared that will enrage him even more. And what can I do with my son during meetings? I get him around 6 and he's ready for bed by 7:30.
I mostly have feelings of despair right now. The problem I've found myself in is, having a 7 month old, I can't just wake him up in the middle of the night and go to avoid the abuse. I've tried calmly going upstairs and getting into bed in the guest room to avoid his tirades, but he only follows me, yells more, slams the door repeatedly, etc.
And since we work together, I would have to find something else. My salary is decent here, and I'm afraid I'd be hard pressed to find something comparable. Having to pay rent + childcare is not a prospect I want to face.
...in fact, he cheerfully walked up to me just now, told me he was going to stop at the liquor store on his way home.
He just has no clue. This after our worst fight yet over the holiday weekend. I know he can see that I'm on the verge of tears most of the time. It probably makes him want to drink more so he doesn't see it.
I've thought about Alanon...but I'm scared that will enrage him even more. And what can I do with my son during meetings? I get him around 6 and he's ready for bed by 7:30.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
Josie,
Most Alanon groups offer free babysitting or allow women with infants to bring them to meetings..Either call the local AlAnon number and get a meeting or go on line to find one....My sponsor met me at my first meeting so I wasn't alone..That's why she is now my sponsor..
We have several babies (under 1 years) in our fellowship..There are plenty of women (and men) in Alanon who have been in your shoes and can offer love and support..I personally don't know what I would do without my sponsor..
As for your alcoholic - don't worry about what he thinks..You don't really have to tell him anything about it..After all..AlAnon is if someone's drinking (or sobriety) bothers you..Mine was curious about it..yelled at his best friend for telling me I should go..
My alcoholic broke up with me within 2 months of me going to Alanon but we didn't have a child..
Good luck..
Most Alanon groups offer free babysitting or allow women with infants to bring them to meetings..Either call the local AlAnon number and get a meeting or go on line to find one....My sponsor met me at my first meeting so I wasn't alone..That's why she is now my sponsor..
We have several babies (under 1 years) in our fellowship..There are plenty of women (and men) in Alanon who have been in your shoes and can offer love and support..I personally don't know what I would do without my sponsor..
As for your alcoholic - don't worry about what he thinks..You don't really have to tell him anything about it..After all..AlAnon is if someone's drinking (or sobriety) bothers you..Mine was curious about it..yelled at his best friend for telling me I should go..
My alcoholic broke up with me within 2 months of me going to Alanon but we didn't have a child..
Good luck..
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
If you think going to a meeting will infuriate him more...
... perhaps you should consider moving out for good. You love him. When he's sober he's a nice guy. When he's drunk he's an abusive S.O.B. Do you think he loves you? Do you honestly think an active addict is capable of loving anyone? You ABF doesn't love himself because he's drowning his problems in a bottle while holding a huge pity party. Addicts are masters of manipulation and they will make their significant other as insane as they are. Do you know that it is not unusual for the non-addictive partner to go nuts or have serious health issues while the addict just keeps using and abusing and living in laa-laa land?
Consider the price you'll pay for staying with someone who continues using. If you think the verbal abuse is bad now, just wait ... alcoholism is a progressive disease. I have lived with it for four years now. My AH was totally nuts and driving me nuts. Then I started going to Al-Anon. I didn't give a damn if he got P.O.'d or not - I was fighting for my survival! I certainly couldn't save him, but I wasn't going to go down with the ship.
Once I started to seriously work that program, I was equipped with the tools to detach and give my AH back his disease. He was alone with his alcoholism and all his bottles and had nobody to blame for the mess but himself.
He checked himself into an inpatient detox last week and his focus and goal is achieve and maintain sobriety. Sometimes when we quit fighting and let go, things improve. You might want to consider trying a meeting ...
Consider the price you'll pay for staying with someone who continues using. If you think the verbal abuse is bad now, just wait ... alcoholism is a progressive disease. I have lived with it for four years now. My AH was totally nuts and driving me nuts. Then I started going to Al-Anon. I didn't give a damn if he got P.O.'d or not - I was fighting for my survival! I certainly couldn't save him, but I wasn't going to go down with the ship.
Once I started to seriously work that program, I was equipped with the tools to detach and give my AH back his disease. He was alone with his alcoholism and all his bottles and had nobody to blame for the mess but himself.
He checked himself into an inpatient detox last week and his focus and goal is achieve and maintain sobriety. Sometimes when we quit fighting and let go, things improve. You might want to consider trying a meeting ...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Iowa
Posts: 12
Josie, I just wanted to say hello and welcome. I'm fairly new to this site too, and have found some nice people on here. My AH and I have 3 kids, and I worry constantly that they will grow up thinking it's ok to drink on a daily basis.
Just wanted to let you know that like someone said before, you can't change him. It's a hard thing to accept, but it's not within your control.
Take care of yourself and that sweet baby. I wish you the best.
Just wanted to let you know that like someone said before, you can't change him. It's a hard thing to accept, but it's not within your control.
Take care of yourself and that sweet baby. I wish you the best.
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Josie, want to welcome you. Sorry you are having to live with the insanity of alcoholism. The good news is, there is help for you!! hip hip hooray! You can get help for yourself regardless of what he does. And, since it sounds like his addiction is progressing, it's great they you are seeking help now. Alcoholism is a progressive disease, and so is abuse. They both can get worse unless they seek help. But we can't force them... they can only do it themselves. My AH is, I believe at the very progressive end of his addiction, at 47 years old, he will probably die soon unless he makes some permanent changes. This is a man who has attended AA and AV (Alcoholics Victorious) for 8 years - so, my point is, I have waited and waited and waited for him to get sober thinking that his sobriety would make MY life so much better. You are capable of making your life so much better NOW. Why wait? I hope people that read these posts don't "wait" for 15 years like I have.
I would like to suggest you read as much as you can about codependency. There are books on this sight at the bookstore and there is also an old book, the very first book I read titled "The Booze Battle" by Ruth Maxwell. It really helped me TRULY SEE THE INSANITY I was living in and helped me understand that I didn't have to live in the insanity any longer.
Take care of yourself and that little one!
I would like to suggest you read as much as you can about codependency. There are books on this sight at the bookstore and there is also an old book, the very first book I read titled "The Booze Battle" by Ruth Maxwell. It really helped me TRULY SEE THE INSANITY I was living in and helped me understand that I didn't have to live in the insanity any longer.
Take care of yourself and that little one!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
Thanks everyone for the words of support.
One question I have--is there any best approach to handle alcoholics who rage, short of leaving the house during the tirade? I've been tried so many methods...yelling back is obviously the worst... Tried reasoning calmly, but he seems unable to reason with any logic... I've gone to bed, but he follows (yells, slams doors, etc)... I don't suppose there's any good answer for that, except to leave for good.
Is there any alternative method to try to disarm him of his rage?
Also, can an alcoholic who doesn't harm people begin to harm them if the disease gets worse, or do they typically stay in the same pattern of behavior, intensified?
One question I have--is there any best approach to handle alcoholics who rage, short of leaving the house during the tirade? I've been tried so many methods...yelling back is obviously the worst... Tried reasoning calmly, but he seems unable to reason with any logic... I've gone to bed, but he follows (yells, slams doors, etc)... I don't suppose there's any good answer for that, except to leave for good.
Is there any alternative method to try to disarm him of his rage?
Also, can an alcoholic who doesn't harm people begin to harm them if the disease gets worse, or do they typically stay in the same pattern of behavior, intensified?
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Originally Posted by Josie22
Thanks everyone for the words of support.
One question I have--is there any best approach to handle alcoholics who rage, short of leaving the house during the tirade? I've been tried so many methods...yelling back is obviously the worst... Tried reasoning calmly, but he seems unable to reason with any logic... I've gone to bed, but he follows (yells, slams doors, etc)... I don't suppose there's any good answer for that, except to leave for good.
Is there any alternative method to try to disarm him of his rage?
Also, can an alcoholic who doesn't harm people begin to harm them if the disease gets worse, or do they typically stay in the same pattern of behavior, intensified?
One question I have--is there any best approach to handle alcoholics who rage, short of leaving the house during the tirade? I've been tried so many methods...yelling back is obviously the worst... Tried reasoning calmly, but he seems unable to reason with any logic... I've gone to bed, but he follows (yells, slams doors, etc)... I don't suppose there's any good answer for that, except to leave for good.
Is there any alternative method to try to disarm him of his rage?
Also, can an alcoholic who doesn't harm people begin to harm them if the disease gets worse, or do they typically stay in the same pattern of behavior, intensified?
Disarming someone of their rage...if there is, we need to box it and get it out there to all spouses of alcoholics/addicts.
Physically harm someone...depends on a lot of things. But yes, they can if the brain is affected too much by the alcohol. If you're asking, you're concerned or worried. I hope it hasn't gotten that far for you.
Huggers
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 4
No, it hasn't gotten that far. He loses his temper so badly though, that I can't help but think it's possible sometimes.
I've seen all his divorce papers from his previous marriage, and her subsequent court papers denying him visitation, and no where did she ever claim physical abuse to herself or thier kids.
That's why I was wondering if it can evolve in it, even when there seems to be no past indications that he's done it.
From what I can gather from his childhood, he was never physically abused, but had a very stern military dad who did not show emotion and didn't let his sons show emotion either. Mother was very quiet, mousey, accomodating.
I know the mental/emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse, but I'm afraid for the other sometimes too.
I've seen all his divorce papers from his previous marriage, and her subsequent court papers denying him visitation, and no where did she ever claim physical abuse to herself or thier kids.
That's why I was wondering if it can evolve in it, even when there seems to be no past indications that he's done it.
From what I can gather from his childhood, he was never physically abused, but had a very stern military dad who did not show emotion and didn't let his sons show emotion either. Mother was very quiet, mousey, accomodating.
I know the mental/emotional abuse can be just as bad, if not worse, but I'm afraid for the other sometimes too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Arizona
Posts: 928
well it could evolve..you never know. One of my exABF grabbed my arm once during one of his drunken rages. I left promptly (also because of the profanities he was screaming at me..No one should have to be called those names..) I had bruises and saved phone messages so he could see what happened the next day. He was in a blackout. He was a BIG guy (6'4"/350) and although he never touched me again - it scared me..He was very remorseful and apologetic the next few days but that is the pattern that physical abusers also use (there's always a honeymoon period after)... I never knew what he was capable of..Thank god we are not together today!
I have other friends with alcoholics that threaten to kill them when they are in black outs..it's not pretty..
so yes..I do think it is very possible..
I have other friends with alcoholics that threaten to kill them when they are in black outs..it's not pretty..
so yes..I do think it is very possible..
Member
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Minnesota
Posts: 407
Hi Josie -
Yes, verbal abusers can become physical abusers. Mine was a sweet guy when sober but when he went on a binge, the verbal abuse was awful. He would follow me from room to room - refused to let me disengage. He finally became physically abusive and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily I was able to call 911 and have him arrested. I packed up and left while he was in jail. If you are becoming afraid of him, you probably have good reason to feel that way. You should listen to what you instincts are telling you. Do not be afraid to call 911. Your safety and that of your baby need to come before your worry for his reaction to losing you. You can't control his drinking but you can make a plan for your safety and your life. Make an escape plan so that if it ever comes to that, you will be ready. Think about what you would advise your best friend or your sister if she were in your situation!
Hugs, Jo
Yes, verbal abusers can become physical abusers. Mine was a sweet guy when sober but when he went on a binge, the verbal abuse was awful. He would follow me from room to room - refused to let me disengage. He finally became physically abusive and it scared the hell out of me. Luckily I was able to call 911 and have him arrested. I packed up and left while he was in jail. If you are becoming afraid of him, you probably have good reason to feel that way. You should listen to what you instincts are telling you. Do not be afraid to call 911. Your safety and that of your baby need to come before your worry for his reaction to losing you. You can't control his drinking but you can make a plan for your safety and your life. Make an escape plan so that if it ever comes to that, you will be ready. Think about what you would advise your best friend or your sister if she were in your situation!
Hugs, Jo
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
Hi Josie!
Welcome to SR you will find a lot of good information here.
Your ? about abuse, I believe yes they can become physically abusive. My AH is extremely jealous he saw me talking to one of his friends at a party one time, he took me into the bedroom and roughed me up a bit. I never ever thought it would come to that. He still denies it ever happened.
I know it seems terrible now, but think of having to do this when he is old enough to understand what is going on. My kids are 11,9 and 6 and they know what their dad does and says to me. I wish I would not have stayed as long as I have I wish I would have left before my kids were old enough to be afraid of their dad. Think about your little son and what kind of dad you want him to have.
Mindi
Welcome to SR you will find a lot of good information here.
Your ? about abuse, I believe yes they can become physically abusive. My AH is extremely jealous he saw me talking to one of his friends at a party one time, he took me into the bedroom and roughed me up a bit. I never ever thought it would come to that. He still denies it ever happened.
The problem I've found myself in is, having a 7 month old, I can't just wake him up in the middle of the night and go to avoid the abuse
Mindi
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