elizabeth1979

He's known for weeks that today he had to leave. I told him on the 14th he had to go. He told me today he had enough money for one night in a hotel. but no more. I drove him to a hotel and dropped him off. See, the thing I don't understand is that I resented him while he was drinking but I resented him just as much when he stopped. It never got better, he always had some reason to not work, not pay any bill, to sleep on the couch, to be cruel, and leave me in the devastation of real life. He was like a hurricane on a daily basis. I am not sad that he is gone...just sad he was cursed with this addiction.
I wish I could have helped him, but I know my helping him was hurting me...I feel like a rotten person for making him go, but didnt know how to save myself with him here. I am hesitant to say I will always love him, because I hope I can move on. I am sorry that I have felt the need to mother, control, and baby people to the point where they forget they are adults or I forget they are adults. I hope to continue working on that with my counselor and my books!
I sincerely hope he finds what he needs and gets well.......but more over I hope I find the same!
What a rough few days...
Sarah

walkingtheline

Have you ever noticed in some movies that when a character is entering one bldg or another there is a sign that says "Please check your weapons at the door"? I decided today what I need is one that says:

Please check your drama at the door

I understand exactly the havoc they can bring into our lives.

You said:
It may be the best thing you've EVER done for him. His safety net is gone, for perhaps the first time, he'll have the opportunity to deal with his illness himself. Please don't feel bad for doing the right thing.

((((Sarah))))

Blessed

A beautiful future is always possible when we put our own needs and happiness first... my ex ah was just as sick sober or not. He used me, I let him. I wasted a lot of years that i could have been happy. I had to learn to put my life first and not feelsorry for him. I loved him, but was miserable.

benefits

I can echo the sentiments above. When I broke it of with my A we packed up his stuff and I drove him back to his house (he was living with me but still had his own house) I was very sad. I still love him and care what happens to him but I know my happiness did not lie with him. My happiness is within me and I don't need the daily drama that was a part of our relationship. You will find your happiness and your life will be better. Like the old saying goes "What doesn't kill us makes us stronger". Good luck.

gelfling

Dear Elizabeth,

I admire your strength and courage to do what you did. The kicker for me would have been when he said he only had enough for 1 night. But you stood strong. You're an amazing woman.

Keep up the good work.

cwohio

boy - i can identify with that. that's something i am definitely working on. good luck to you!

elizabeth1979

Today is a little worse than yesterday...I think it just kicked in. I miss him, but don't miss the worry and emotional turmoil. I will pray that he finds his way and can make it out there on his own... and Gelfing, oh yeah, believe me when he said he only had enough for one night I struggled with it, thought about paying, thought about letting him stay and on and on ....but you know it never would have been the "right time" for him to go, so I had to go with the right time for me! Thanks everyone for listening and for your support!

chrisea

I can relate to - it wouldn't ever be the Right time for him to leave... although for me, my xabf is staying away from me and here, which does make it alot better. For a long time, I felt so bad, sorry for him. But keep reminding myself, this is a grown up, if he can't figure it out, hopefully someone else can help him... I know I can't, anymore. Alot of his stuff is still here, and I'm just kinda pushing it to the out of way areas, for now... I don't think I will be in too much (if ever) hurry, looking for another relationship. So it doesn't upset me, that it's here. I have this week off, and am totally enjoying it, esp since I have the place to myself. Hopefully, you will keep yourself busy, or just pause during the day and review how far you came... And be thankful for the good things that come your way. take care of yourself.