disneyqueen

I'd like to think I do not assist him with his addiction. We have 4 chidren 6 and under. He's clouded by vodca in the evening, but functional. If you didn't know him well, you wouldn't know. I fear I might be putting my children's safety at risk by letting them ride in the car with him (for example) but to take on complete care of them 24 hrs could be considered assisting in his addiction. And I don't want complete care 24 hours! Even his own siblings don't recognize the everyday drinking. Should I continue to let him help me?

lost and alone

Think of it this way- Would you let your friend drive your kids around drunk? or your babysitter?

Ask for help from sober friends and family....I did it, it was the hardest thing for me to do.

I have 2 kids, 2 eight year olds and 1 nine year old....I would rather walk then let a drunk drive them around.

Sorry....

sarah13

I have 3 kids 8 and under- I undestand your situation- It sucks being the main and only parent while they get drunk everyday- I understand....but I wouldn't risk the pain of what could happen with them in his care-esp. driving....I stay in this marriage mainly b/c of the fear of leaving them with him every other weekend....
All it takes is one time to make a mistake you'll regret forever..... On rare occasions this year he drove our 8 yr old to school b/c the weather was bad here-slush and snow on roads....It was morning and he was sober...but still the fear envelopes me and all I can do is pray for their safety....
If you are able to do it all(even though you shouldnt have to)-just do it anyway.
It is the right thing to do, and it is hard and easy to become resentful, but you love your kids, that's why you'll do it.
Sarah 13

elizabeth1979

In some states at least, a DUI with kids in the car warrants child abuse charges from the DA's office. If you allow him to drive with your children in the car and he is caught, he could have alot more to worry about than you!
Just FYI...and this happened to a friend of mines ex...he lives in AZ and likely will never have a license again as a penalty from DMV and that doesnt even begin to address the issues with the DA.

walkingtheline

Elizabeth is correct. The penalty is much worse if a minor is in the car, here is the Florida law: (Florida Statute Section 316.193)

http://www.flsenate.gov/Statutes/ind...%3ESection+193

But even worse in my opinion would be social services asking YOU: Did you know he was drinking and driving with the children in the car?

I hope you find a way to deal with these issues that is best for both you and your children.

JessicaNAJ

Is he helping you? How do you feel when he's watching them? Probably worried. How does worrying help you?

I only ask, because I've been there. I have felt the exact same thing as you. That if I allowed someone else to watch the kids when he completely capable of doing it himself, that I was only allowing him to drink. I actually quit a night job b/c I couldn't trust him to be responsible and drink when I was working.

I found that my peace of mind and the safety of my kids was much more important than what he does. You have to take care of you first.

Aquiana

I don't have kids yet but one on the way. I'd be livid if I came home to find their dad drinking. It's a really fine line with him between functional drinking and passed out drunk. He can cross it in minute... literally I've seen it. Can your husband ensure he'd never cross the line?

I think Days suggestion was really good. Ask him to help you with things while you're there. Maybe you can tell him you need a little time for yourself and he can take the kids outside in the yard where you can still see them or into another room of the house for a bit. I wouldn't be afraid to ask friends and family for a break either. I'm sure everybody's needed a break sometime.

Again I don't have kids yet, (unless you count abf... j/k) so I can't imagine being a 24 hour caregiver but I know how I'd feel if anything did happen. I'd feel as much responsible as he was.

JennyK

I let my husband PLAY with the kids when I was at home. He was never allowed to be alone with them and NEVER EVER drive them.

It was bad. He was drunk every night and LOUD and hyper. He got the kids all riled up every night before bed. He was never abusive, although he showed appalling judgement in terms of safety.

I started bringing the kids upstairs earlier and earlier so they were not around him.

The best 2 months have been a dream. He has been sober and totally involved in the children's lives 100%. It is possible.

Be prepared for complete care...just in case.

(((hugs)))

Jenny

disneyqueen

thanks for all the great advise!