JessicaNAJ

Okay - I know it's really none of my business what he decides to do with HIS stuff, but I bought him that guitar several years ago when money was very tight for us because the one he currently had was falling apart. We didn't have the money, but I did it b/c I wanted too. I wanted show him that I cared THAT much!!

Now, he pawned it. I know he can get it back (doubt if he will since he obviously showed he cannot handle his own finances) but that fact remains that something I gave him, he pawned for his own selfish needs.

Then I said, "Well, that's $700 down the drain." He said, "I got enough $h!t going on I don't need to hear you go on about the guitar." I in-turn said, "Oh Wah".

Ok....I'm a little upset by this. I'm sure I could have handled it better, but jeesh. I guess me getting it for him meant more to me than it did him.

Is this a CoDe thing?

Any constructive critism??

escape artist

could be he is trying to get a reaction out of you to save him.

minnie

Ooh, escape! I'm the biggest cynic going and I missed that one! Could be right.

Jessica - I understand how upsetting this is. I would be unhappy too. But, you know as well as I do that he's is only acting true to form. And, let's face it, if it was a gift to him, then he is entitled to do what he likes with it.

Hang in there

Love

Minnie
xxx

queenofthehwy

EA,

Very good point.

Jessica,

Like you said It means more to me than him, exactly how I feel!!!
I guess you'll just have to let it go now there's not really anything you can do about it now. It's his loss and too bad for him huh? Man I wish someone AH would buy me a $700 guitar, I have to play my 6 year olds!!!
You did fine, think about what you would have said before.

Magichappens

((Jessica))
I had to start chalking those things up to getting out of the way of his hitting bottom. I figured the more his disease took away from him, the better. Things are a lot less important than someone I love getting to the point where they can accept recovery.

That still doesn't make it easy, but in the long run it works out. Hugs, Magic

Cap3

CoDe,thing?I really don't know.Being human,really.I have given,gifts, to others.And i also had some expectaons.And this is where i put myself in a position to be hurt.My expectaions.Which i thought at the time were only natural.A while ago another said to me,to try to give a gift without expectaions.She said that when i gave it to another.That the gift was now theirs,no longer do i have an attachement to it.They can now do with it what they want to.And i must say that this advice has be very helpful to me.I bought a violin for hub,this past Christmas.He always and for years talked about wanting one.But he never bought himself one.Do i tell you that he was really excited to get this,,violin,and since Christmas its been in our closet?....lol..Its his to do with what he wants to.....

cwohio

i'm not sure how i would feel but i tend to have the mindset as mentioned above that if i give someone a gift - it's THEIRS. i think you hit it on the head jessica - it meant more to you (saving the extra money to buy, expression of you love, etc.) than it did to him.

magic is right on!

JessicaNAJ

That is so ironic that you said that. A good friend of mine here at work said the same thing. Definately not the response I expected.

The tone in his voice, the way he approached what he was saying....It just didn't seem to me that that was what he was doing. But, like my friend said, he didn't have to tell me that. But then again, maybe I cornered him so he told me just to shut me up.

He is good a manipulating me, so maybe those were his intentions and it just went right over my head.

You know....I don't care what his intentions were. I'm not helping him and I'm not going to co-sign on a loan for him.

Hmmm.... Is he really playing the "poor pitiful me" game??

I do have to let it go. It is his to do with what he wants. I got if for him because I wanted to. Not because he asked. I thought it would make him happy. Money only buys happiness for short period of time. His happiness has to come from within himself.

argh!!! It is so frustrating. I even thought about getting his pawn ticket and getting it out of pawn and keeping it for myself. But, what is that going to accomplish?? I want to cry

cwohio

jessica - go ahead and let 'er rip - a good cry helps us sometimes to get the frustration out. unfortunately i have bottled my emotions up for so long it's hard for me to even get to the point of crying - but i digress - you are doing the right thing.

queenofthehwy

I am so sorry hun!!! I know all too well trying to make him happy, it doesn't work does it. I hope you feel better soon.

((((((hugs)))))

Mindi

Aquiana

I think maybe you should make him a card next time with some construction paper and crayons. J/K sort of. I'd be angry with abf as well. If I bought him a gift and he didn't seem to appreciate it I geuss that would be the last nice gift he got. There's nothing wrong with a card either. It shows you care, and it's not a big waste of money.

gelfling

Jump up and down, raise hell, get it out of your system and keep on with your head held high. You've come so far in such a short period of time. Don't let some piddly thing such as this push you back in your progress. You're a strong chicky.

Blessings

journeygal

Nah, don't do that. Then, he'll just be able to pawn it again.

Can you tell I've BTDT???

Piper

I'd love it if someone bought me a guitar.

He doesn't realize how lucky he is that he has someone who cares about him so much to do something special for him like that. Gives me hope for myself.

nocellphone

The only "CoDe" thing I can see is the self-doubt you seem to be feeling.

It's ok to give yourself a break. You gave a gift to someone who didn't know how to properly accept it. He did what he needed to do. Now do what you need to do for you...(which is what you're already doing!!! )

JessicaNAJ

A little vent here....

I guess I shouldn't be surprised. This is just another fine example of the insensative things he will do for himself b/c he don't care about anyone else.

You know, I bet he was trying to get to me. He could have pawned anything else he had (TV, VCR, Radio, the mandoline he traded his other guitar for, his amp) but he chose something that was meaningful to me. The more I think about it, the more I agree that EA was right. I believe this was another attempt for me to "rescue" him. It didn't work - although it went right over my head.

I was hurt and upset.... Now, I'm just mad - again

On my way home from work, I saw some guy passed out on the steps of some building. Sitting straight up but slumped over. All I could think of was my AH (saw this picture many many times) and think, how pathetic.

OH YEAH - I called him to make sure he was going to pay the sitter. After stuttering for a few, he says, "I guess. I really don't have the money. But she has to get paid." I said, "I don't have the money either and this is your responsibility to pay her not mine." (Consequences of HIS actions.) Then I asked him when he was going to replace the pack of cigarettes he got off of my. He got "paid" today.