drgnfly30

Lately I've been hestitant about posting things that have gone on in my relationship with AH.... I start to but then I stop and think that if I was reading what I was about to post, I'd just be thinking why are you putting up with the S***? Get out!!!

I feel like a hypocrite - that I'm just whining about things that only I can fix... I know you guys aren't judgemental types but I still feel like a total loser sometimes.

I read about those of you who have already gotten out of your relationship or have just made the decision to do so & I feel jealous....What is wrong with me?? Tell me I'm not alone in feeling this way !?!

Just feeling abit off track today...
Christine

JessicaNAJ

Christine - you can vent to us anytime!! That's what we're here for. I love it when I get responses - The support from here is incredible and everyone here has helped me grow so much. I don't think anyone would tell you to "get out" (unless you are unsafe). But I do think you would benefit from the encouragement on how to take care of yourself (that does not necessarily mean getting out).

You're not a loser - take that word out of your vocabulary.

Gabe

Christine,
Give yourself a some slack.
Maybe you aren't ready to make the break yet.
You aren't a loser.
We have all put up with unacceptable behavior at times.
Trust me, I could tell you some stories that would curl your hair.
We each have our own learning curve.
You will get where you are meant to go when you are ready to get there.
Hugs,
Gabe

walkingtheline

there is a season.

There are so many factors to making these kind of decisions, you need to make your decision in your own time based on what is right for you. I would bet that everyone here who has made the decision to either stay or go agonized over the decision for a long time and kinda knew in their hearts their decision long before they acted on it.

Go ahead and post! Something that someone says in reply may provide you with a missing piece of information you need to make your decision making easier!

Absolutely nothing! You are giving what could be a life-changing decision the time you need to be comfortable with that decision. And that, at least in my mind, is a good thing, not something to beat yourself up about!

Give yourself a break, thinking, pondering, considering...you're doing all the right things!

cwohio

christine - listen - you are NOT the only one. i seldom post threads here - i think i feel the way you do. i too am still in my marriage and having mixed feelings. from all the posts i read the same message comes across over and over. if you work your program and recovery, you will know when YOU are ready to take action - be it leaving a relationship or anything else.

just know i am right where you are right now so you have a buddy!

hugs - chris

Petunia

Christine,

There have been times that I have started to respond to a thread and halfway through have stopped for so many different reasons. But I do still come back b/c there is so much support to be gained from you and the other folks here.

I think that being jealous can be a good emotion if it encourages a person to act (not Re-act) and do something positive to improve their situation. WTL makes a wonderful point, that there is a time for everything in each of our lives. But we're all on the same road trying to get healthier.

Wishing you some peace,
Petunia

queenofthehwy

The best thing about SR is that people here understand what you are putting up with.
I put up with way more than I should, but I'm not ready to get out, just yet anyway.
One of the things I have learned here is that I don't have to make a decision today, I have to remind myself of that almost everyday. Like many here have said you will know when it's time.

Mindi

T

drgnfly30

Thanks for the encouragement... I KNOW I'm not a loser & that I will know when & if I'm ready to get out! I guess I just needed some re-affirmation today.

I'm going to post under another thread right now!!
Christine

luvdav

I know exactly how you feel! I have been coming here for about a week now and have started to post many times and backed out. I know just from reading others post that no one is here to judge but it's still hard. I really love my AB and I don't plan on leaving him. Sometimes I think I'm scared everyone will say, don't take that leave him. I really get alot out of reading others posts though and hopefully someday we will open up some!

minnie

drgnfly30 (are there no vowels for a reason?lol)

Glad to hear you don't think you're a loser. I left my exA in December last year. As I was looking through some old threads of mine, I realised that I had decided that it was over in June. And I know that I'd thought hard about it before then. People on here used to say "you'll know when the time is right" and I used to get really annoyed. But, they were right. When I finally made the decision, I KNEW. I felt comfortable. I knew that I could handle it.

So I do know how you feel - I was in that place last year.

Take care, hon, and post about whatever is on your mind.

Love

Minnie
xxx

BlueMoon

oh! I relate to that! <hugs>

I've realized that *alot* of times I don't let myself really pay attention to what's *really* going on - it's only when I am talking/writing to someone (OR planning what I'm going to say to them) that it hits me right between the eyes - *DUH!*

Maybe that it why it's good to have someone to "talk" with in the 1st place? Maybe that's why it's so bad for me to isolate myself??
Interesting that I got my new puter up and runing in time to see your post - my f2f meeting is tomorrow and I haven't been able to get past the panic attacks to actually leave the house and GO.

If you want/need to share something, DO IT! I think that's how we *all* heal. I've noticed that even when I've made myself share things that I "know" everyone's heard before and I "know" what I "should do" - it still helps to have someone to share it with. Alot of times I've gained a slightly different perspective - either by the simple act of sharing (sometimes wisdom comes out of me that I had no idea existed!) - or by the possible input from others who care.

I think one of the most important parts of *Recovery* is to learn to let the scary/painful things OUT - it's hard!

Vent and/or spew away! It helps me to know that I am NOT the only one!!!

Lots of hugs,
Blue

Magichappens

I would never say "Get the hell out." We all come to a point where we just know it's time to go, or not. Until then, it's ok to do nothing with that decision. Work on your recovery, getting stronger, learning how to make your life better, and you will find your answers. No losers here. Just people trying to find our serenity. Hugs, Magic