minnie

I just need to get this out, otherwise I'm going to explode. I don't know where it's going, so bear with me!

For a bit of background, I was with my ex fiancé for 3 years and I split up with him in December after he came back from work hammered. When we went to our couples counselling 2 days later and I heard the same old excuses and lies, I realised that I had simply run out of chances. He had supposedly been going to AA for about 2 months at that stage, but I should have known that his heart was not quite in it when he came back with a 2 month chip, despite the fact that he had been drinking the weekend before.

So in December I asked him to move out, which he did. Since then there has been a relentless campaign to get back with me, which to me has bordered on harrassment. You know, non-stop texts, phone calls, e-mails etc. Even when he didn't contact me, I was on edge in case he did. Not that he was violent, but I was so worn down emotionally that I really couldn't handle the pressure. Even flowers delivered on Xmas Eve to my parents where I was staying for Xmas. The nearby residential home was very pleased when I took them! All along, he has tried to prove to me how well he has been doing so that I would give him a chance. It is difficult as we own a business together, but I am able to be professional about this and maintain a working relationship.

I have decided to move back to my home town at the end of March but continue with the business. I have become worn down with all of this pressure and two weeks ago started anti-depressants which are starting to work a treat. I have been going to al-anon since September, along with counselling, and am really feeling that my recovery is kicking in now, although my boundaries need a little work.

This morning I get an e-mail from him saying that he wanted us to go to Jamaica on holiday as that is where we have had out happiest times and so that we can work on our "relationship" there. This is despite me saying very clearly on Wednesday that I do not want a relationship. I would rather concentrate on my recovery than have to deal with a dysfunctional relationship on top. And until I get further along in my recovery, any relationship I have will be unhealthy.

What has really got my goat today is that I have had months of him trying to tell me how fantastically well he is doing, and today I found an empty bottle of wine in his briefcase. I am way beyond snooping. He asked if I had got a book that he wanted and I was hunting high and low for it and just lifted the flap of the case on the off chance that the book was there. Before you say anything, I know that I should have asked him to look and I know that I have invaded his privacy by doing it. I was in that mode where you are just lifting up everything to see if it's under there and wasn't thinking.

If there is anyone out there who has an A in early recovery, or for those new into a relationship with an A, please remember that this is a long hard journey. Alcoholics mess with your head and you need to educate yourself so much to stand a fighting chance. The manipulative behaviours that come with alcoholism don't just go away overnight.

Thank you for listening. It's good to get things out sometimes and realise a few things as you write.

I deserve better than this. I'm off to some reading about boundaries.

cwohio

((((minnie))))you will get past this hump i know!

this is exactly what i see happening if i separate from my ah and i guess i am at that in between point where i can't handle it emotionally either way. i guess my scales are dangling evenly right now and it's just going to take something to "tip" them the other way.

good luck with you and it sure is nice to have a safe place to vent, isn't it!

hugs - chris

Gracey

Big Hugs minnie.............

Shel

everything is relentless until they find their next victim.....(in my opinion) whe I kicked my husband (now ex) out ..I heard it all....well it has been 3 years and the man has gone to treatment 3 times ...been homeless, kicked out of girlfirends and parents (basically hasn't changed) and still acts like I made the mistake of letting him go!!

Poeple do change but form my experience don't put all your faith in that....actions speak much louder than words!!

take care~

minnie

Thanks guys.

Shel - the only thing I'm putting faith in is me and my HP! I just wanted to let it out, so that it wouldn't fester over the weekend.

I have started a new life, one day at a time.

Gracey

Minnie, i want to say so much more to you............but I just dont have the words.........I want to encourage you and say the right thing, I have gained so much encouragment from you, others who are in a better place than I am.........will offer you much more.......

I just want you to know that I am thinking of you, and I wish I knew...............

minnie

thanks, petal.

I haven't posted much on here about my situation recently because, in my codie wisdom, I told my ex about this site last year so he posts on here. I didn't want to give him any more ammo, if you like.

But I'm not bothered any more. He can't get to me anymore.

Thank you for being here. It's so fantastic to know that we can help each other.