Old Timer REALLY Needs Support
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: San Franciso, CA
Posts: 8
Old Timer REALLY Needs Support
Hi Everyone,
I have been in Al-anon for 12 years. My husband has been sober for 6 years, we've been together for 9. We have 3 children. He is sober and that is great, but he is still an alcoholic. He is irresponsible and completely self-centered. That wasn't too bad when I was strong and fiercly independant. Three years ago I became ill. My health has failed more and more since. Leaving me needing him to take on more and more responsibility of the house and kids. Something that he does not do well, when at all. I still handle most of the responsibility (I provide the house, etc.) and it's taken it's toll. The worst is not having anyone I can depend on to be there for the kids when I can't. Needing him to be more than he "can" (I guess) just makes him angry. His anger just makes all our lives miserable.
Anyway, I'm much too ill at this point to attend meetings, so I am trying on-line support. I could really use it.
Take care,
Beth
I have been in Al-anon for 12 years. My husband has been sober for 6 years, we've been together for 9. We have 3 children. He is sober and that is great, but he is still an alcoholic. He is irresponsible and completely self-centered. That wasn't too bad when I was strong and fiercly independant. Three years ago I became ill. My health has failed more and more since. Leaving me needing him to take on more and more responsibility of the house and kids. Something that he does not do well, when at all. I still handle most of the responsibility (I provide the house, etc.) and it's taken it's toll. The worst is not having anyone I can depend on to be there for the kids when I can't. Needing him to be more than he "can" (I guess) just makes him angry. His anger just makes all our lives miserable.
Anyway, I'm much too ill at this point to attend meetings, so I am trying on-line support. I could really use it.
Take care,
Beth
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Beth, sorry to hear of your illness. Can you get help from Alanon or church friends? I know these people or always wanting to help, but never sure exactly what to do.
They do have on-line meetings here - I believe two or three a week. Keep coming back and check out an on-line meeting.
I wish I could wiggle my nose for you, but I will send a prayer your way.
Hope you can find some peace and answers soon.
They do have on-line meetings here - I believe two or three a week. Keep coming back and check out an on-line meeting.
I wish I could wiggle my nose for you, but I will send a prayer your way.
Hope you can find some peace and answers soon.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Beth,
You know you don't have to do more than you are able and you don't have to keep up the standards you would if you could. But I bet you know that.
You have three children? What are they doing? Delegating is part of household responsibility at all ages.
And what happens if you don't fix dinner. Do they go hungry? Are you able to wash a few things out for yourself? Will they wear dirty cloths?
You don't have to do it all.
JT
You know you don't have to do more than you are able and you don't have to keep up the standards you would if you could. But I bet you know that.
You have three children? What are they doing? Delegating is part of household responsibility at all ages.
And what happens if you don't fix dinner. Do they go hungry? Are you able to wash a few things out for yourself? Will they wear dirty cloths?
You don't have to do it all.
JT
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: new mexico
Posts: 42
Beth,
Glad you have found us. There are some wonderful people here in SR. Many caring women on the board have found themselves in places similar to where you are now.
I myself have encountered cicumstances where I cannot return to my alanon meetings at this time. I have found this site to be a lifesaver for me. Many of the same principals and practices of alanon are here. I think you will find much support in talking to these wonderful people. Also, you might note there are on-line meetings where you can have imput in much the same way as face-to-face meetings.
I am truly sorry for your current position. I hope you can find experience, strength, and hope through the people you will meet on this site. Perhaps you can come to love them as they already love you.
larry
Glad you have found us. There are some wonderful people here in SR. Many caring women on the board have found themselves in places similar to where you are now.
I myself have encountered cicumstances where I cannot return to my alanon meetings at this time. I have found this site to be a lifesaver for me. Many of the same principals and practices of alanon are here. I think you will find much support in talking to these wonderful people. Also, you might note there are on-line meetings where you can have imput in much the same way as face-to-face meetings.
I am truly sorry for your current position. I hope you can find experience, strength, and hope through the people you will meet on this site. Perhaps you can come to love them as they already love you.
larry
Member
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Auckland, New Zealand
Posts: 146
Hey Beth,
Welcome to SR.
I was wondering if there is an (on-line) support group for people with your illness at all? Could members of this group perhaps give you some advice on how to cope? My mother had leukemia when I was still very young and she found that once she got in contact with other people with cancer that they could give her all sorts of support which she couldn't have found otherwise.
Please take care of yourself - big hugs to you
Welcome to SR.
I was wondering if there is an (on-line) support group for people with your illness at all? Could members of this group perhaps give you some advice on how to cope? My mother had leukemia when I was still very young and she found that once she got in contact with other people with cancer that they could give her all sorts of support which she couldn't have found otherwise.
Please take care of yourself - big hugs to you
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Welcome, Beth! If only it were under more pleasant circumstances...
Have you tried contacting the Al-Anon World Service Office and asking about the Lone Member service? It's a way that those who can't get to meetings can stay connected to others in the fellowship. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I imagine it does work (if you work it!). They can be contacted via email at [email protected] <[email protected]>. Put the subject line: Information on Lone Member Services.
http://al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html
I know that in my area, some groups bring meetings into member's homes when they are housebound. Do you have any friends in the fellowship where you are who you might be able to call?
I've found that the folks on SR have a lot of wisdom, compassion and love to share, as well. I hope you'll keep coming back!
Peace!
Have you tried contacting the Al-Anon World Service Office and asking about the Lone Member service? It's a way that those who can't get to meetings can stay connected to others in the fellowship. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but I imagine it does work (if you work it!). They can be contacted via email at [email protected] <[email protected]>. Put the subject line: Information on Lone Member Services.
http://al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html
I know that in my area, some groups bring meetings into member's homes when they are housebound. Do you have any friends in the fellowship where you are who you might be able to call?
I've found that the folks on SR have a lot of wisdom, compassion and love to share, as well. I hope you'll keep coming back!
Peace!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 109
Hi Beth
This is an amazing place. I honestly dont know where I would have been the last few months without the guys here!! There is more support here than you could possibly imagine. Keep posting. ((((BETH))))
This is an amazing place. I honestly dont know where I would have been the last few months without the guys here!! There is more support here than you could possibly imagine. Keep posting. ((((BETH))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: San Franciso, CA
Posts: 8
I am not sure how this site works with responses. I hope I'm doing this right.
Thanks to Jan, Larry, Wraybear, and Chris for your responses!
JT- My kids are 12, 6, and 1. If I didn't make dinner they would go hungry. My oldest is autistic so he isn't of any help. My 6 yr old helps as much as she can. She loves her baby brother. I try to delegate. I try to forgive myself for not doing all I want to do.
bookworm- Yes, I am a member of a couple on line support groups for very ill people. It is a great help! The only thing is I find myself jealous of their supportive and helpful spouses/families because they are NOT alcoholics. That's what has brought me here.
nocellphone- Thanks for the info on the Lone Member Service. I will look into it.
Thanks to Jan, Larry, Wraybear, and Chris for your responses!
JT- My kids are 12, 6, and 1. If I didn't make dinner they would go hungry. My oldest is autistic so he isn't of any help. My 6 yr old helps as much as she can. She loves her baby brother. I try to delegate. I try to forgive myself for not doing all I want to do.
bookworm- Yes, I am a member of a couple on line support groups for very ill people. It is a great help! The only thing is I find myself jealous of their supportive and helpful spouses/families because they are NOT alcoholics. That's what has brought me here.
nocellphone- Thanks for the info on the Lone Member Service. I will look into it.
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