JessicaNAJ

We all know how compulsively most of our AH's lie. But I also have a step-sister who has been somewhat dishonest.

Here's my question....

My step sister used to live here with me for a few months. This was around the same time I asked my AH to move out. She gave me a lot of strength and encouragment to go forward. I confided in her a lot.

AH told me the other day that she had offered him some sexual advances a while ago - She denied it very adamantly and wants to confront him about it. I also know that he called her on the job one day to see how her new job was (he's never done that to anyone in my family and told me he was calling on behalf of her boyfriend). He asked her to give him a ride to Walmart to get me something for mother's day - he's never asked anyone to drive him anywhere before, why was he ok to ask her? He got a text one day and the next day swears it was her, she denied it very adamantly. I caught him "checking her out". He said she's nasty and useless and don't want anything to do with her "dumb a$$". She also things he's nasty and useless and don't want anything to do with him (she was married and divorced to an A and tells me that when she looks at him, she see's her ex-A).

Do you think he could be doing this b/c he feels threatened by her and wants to turn us against each other?

I don't know who to believe or if I should even waste my time trying to figure it out. I love my sister and would love to believe that she is here for me as a confidant and friend. But I have also been known to be too trusting.

What do you think?

amitiredenuff

I would probably try to limit how much information I give her for a while. Unless she's in some type of recovery (12 step) program she may not really be giving you the support you need. She can still be a friend to do things with, she just might not be someone you want to share personal information with. If she was married to an A then she has backlash from that relationship too. As far as your A...well if he's active I probably wouldn't believe anything he says. Mine (whether conscious or subconscious) kept me isolated from others and them from me in very inconspicuous ways. My sister in law, who is also an addict has done the same. They don't want anyone talking because you might figure out the whole picture. Just my take on it and my AH is still doing it now. The only difference really is I'm not participating. I had to stop sharing information with my MIL for the same reason and find a better support network. The disease wants to convince us that we are WRONG, CRAZY, HEARD IT WRONG, SAW IT WRONG, DON"T UNDERSTAND, etc. etc. Find a safer person and a safer place to share your personal situations is my opinion. It works much better for me to have a sponsor and other "safe" people in the program to share with and get feedback from. I was told a long time ago that I shouldn't trust so quickly or easily. Give a little information then see what happens. Soon enough you'll know who you can trust and who you cannot and hopefully you won't sustain too much damage from untrustworthy people. Pray about it too. If you need someone God will send someone your way.

ahcb

Jess,

You asko you think he could be doing this b/c he feels threatened by her and wants to turn us against each other?

Possibly or he could have tried to hit on her and is now creating cover for himself. Also perhaps i missed it but he called her, he asked her for ride, you saw him checking her out (i give a pass on that. Im a guy. We check out cartoons) Doesnt sound like she did much other than be your friend and deny that she ever wanted anything to do with him.

If i had to lean one way, it would be towards her.

Gracey

I am not a very trusting person............reading my posts you know about my H affair..........

My H is an A, his friends everyone of them are A's................His supposedly best friend, drinking buddy, spent almost every weekend together for a few years.............did hit on me...............I was lying on the couch and he came in to use the bathroom.........over to the couch he stumbles, while my H is sitting out at the fire waiting for his return...his friend is in the house hitting on his wife.........this happened more than once.........

I did tell my H...............he was more careful when he was over..........