MysticCat

Ok, anyone who has been following knows I made the decision to give the final ultimatum. Well, he took me seriously, and I have to give him credit he has been showing some effort. But of course, friday night, payday, he left work early so he could stop at the bar. May I say, this just sucks! I really cant do anything until this stupid estate is settled (been almost a damn year now) because that is my saving grace that I will have a place to live. The past two weeks he has been helping more with the kids, around the house and keeping his mouth shut to my teen daughter, so less fighting. Tonight I lost it though, I gave it to him with both barrels about how I felt. I told him that I was pissed off that he was drunk, he couldnt drive so I had to in the dark and the rain (I have trouble with driving at night) and how unfair I thought this whole situation is and if he wants to continue to ruin his life I wish he would just leave me and the kids out of it. Damn, I was even starting to soften up to him, possibly open up to loving again. I HATE THIS DISEASE!!!!!! Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent, again.

Blessings,
MysticCat

jalacola

Mystic, you have every reason to be angry. Everything about this just stinks. It's difficult to stick around, but even more difficult to break loose. And I am so sorry that he messed up when you were thinking so positively. Hang in there!

Gabe

Okay MC, I'm gonna play devil's advocate here for a sec.
Why did you have to go fetch him in the dark and the rain?
Especially if you have trouble driving at night?
Next time, let him figure out his own way home.

MysticCat

No, No I didnt go get him, we took the little ones to Walmart and dinner. Normally he drives on family outings. We had to go, I suppose I could have gone alone, but its too hard with the kids by myself (they are 3 and 18 mos) and I couldnt leave them home with him. So that is the story. Just burns my butt that he does this all the time. I know, I know, expectations......I suppose if I expect to be let down all the time, then I would just be surprised when I am not.

Mystic

Savana 54

I totally hear you MC!! Except for being married and having kids, its as though you took the words right out of my mouth! ABF was sober for two weeks, (or so he says) then last night I called and he was slurring is words.

I felt like the last two weeks I was opening myself up to him and BAM he does it again. I'm getting so tired of this...

((hugs MC))

wraybear

Mystic, yes yes yes... this was my story a couple months ago. And, I too have gone through the I love him, I don't love him, I love him, I don't love him. Maybe it should be I like him, I don't like him. Of course we love them. I go back and forth daily and I have been WAMMED about 5 times during this 16 week separation. But, I have been married to mine 15 years, so I don't know why I let the WAM's surprise me so much. After thinking about it today, I realized, for some stupid reason, I thought my AH getting put on probation last Tuesday would help him stop drinking. GEEZ... why do we even consider the possibility. We want to have faith, but the reality is what it is. I hate to say we should stop having faith regarding our husbands sobriety, but maybe we should put our faith in other things. I am going to try today to work on this...

Let's see, I will put my faith in knowing that God has a plan for MY life. Whether or not that includes my AH, I do not know... but I can go on with God's plan regardless. So, this week, I will put my faith in God and trust in Him. I can't trust my AH, I can't put faith in my AH, so this week, I'm not gonna!!!!! WOW - that feels good. No expectations, no resentments!

I know you read my post from last night, so now you know the rollercoaster I am on... one minute down in the dumps, the next minute up in the clouds! But, over this past 16 weeks I have been up in the clouds a lot more than down in the dumps. So, that's what I am looking forward to today!

Won't you join me????????? PLEASE!!!!!!!!! I need some company up here in happiness land!?!?!?!?!?