use me as Exhibit A!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
use me as Exhibit A!!!!!
Good Morning Everyone!!
Ok, I feel like this is the first time all week that I have had to breathe. It has been hell here at work,not to mention at home too. Had a big software upgrade that went very sour. I had worked 30 hours straight with no sleep by this past wednesday. Needless to say I am a little turned around.
I named this thread as use me as Exhibit A, simply because I was toying with the idea earlier this week about my A. He came back home this past Monday. Had the same ol' story of I have changed, I want to make things work, etc, etc. I ONCE AGAIN, beleived him, although things had certainly changed with me, I could tell that. I am just so tired. SOOOO, tired of everything, the fact he has a baby on the way with this other woman. The crack use, the lying, me not being able to trust him, just everything. Well, I still was supressing those feelings and just going with the flow. Well last night he was talking about starting work, and everything else. I was partially wondering if he was serious.
Well not a couple hours later, I come back from taking our daughter to McDonalds, and I walk in the house and immediately smell crack. I call him into the kitchen and I asked him what was going on? He started packing up his things, he told me he was just cooking the coke so he could sell it. I told him I didnt care what he was doing, he needed to get out, and get out now. I know better anyway. I told him it was over.
I packed his things last night, I took them to his mothers. It felt like a weight was lifted. I never packed his things out during all of these months.
He was picked up by the other woman from his brothers house. He also had balls to tell his brother that he couldnt understand why I was so upset, he was just trying to make us some money.
It mad me sick at my stomach to hear that.
I know I am ok, and I will be ok. I can do this.
I hope this has made sense, I have typed a little on this all day while here at work. I love you guys, and thought of you all all nite last night. It is you all that has helped get me where I am today.
Ok, I feel like this is the first time all week that I have had to breathe. It has been hell here at work,not to mention at home too. Had a big software upgrade that went very sour. I had worked 30 hours straight with no sleep by this past wednesday. Needless to say I am a little turned around.
I named this thread as use me as Exhibit A, simply because I was toying with the idea earlier this week about my A. He came back home this past Monday. Had the same ol' story of I have changed, I want to make things work, etc, etc. I ONCE AGAIN, beleived him, although things had certainly changed with me, I could tell that. I am just so tired. SOOOO, tired of everything, the fact he has a baby on the way with this other woman. The crack use, the lying, me not being able to trust him, just everything. Well, I still was supressing those feelings and just going with the flow. Well last night he was talking about starting work, and everything else. I was partially wondering if he was serious.
Well not a couple hours later, I come back from taking our daughter to McDonalds, and I walk in the house and immediately smell crack. I call him into the kitchen and I asked him what was going on? He started packing up his things, he told me he was just cooking the coke so he could sell it. I told him I didnt care what he was doing, he needed to get out, and get out now. I know better anyway. I told him it was over.
I packed his things last night, I took them to his mothers. It felt like a weight was lifted. I never packed his things out during all of these months.
He was picked up by the other woman from his brothers house. He also had balls to tell his brother that he couldnt understand why I was so upset, he was just trying to make us some money.
It mad me sick at my stomach to hear that.
I know I am ok, and I will be ok. I can do this.
I hope this has made sense, I have typed a little on this all day while here at work. I love you guys, and thought of you all all nite last night. It is you all that has helped get me where I am today.
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
Bonbon,
You made absolute perfect sense to me.
Moment of clarity it was, and you did
what you had to do for you and your
child, and you did it well. Hope
work calms down for you, and you can
get some rest!
Hugs,
You made absolute perfect sense to me.
Moment of clarity it was, and you did
what you had to do for you and your
child, and you did it well. Hope
work calms down for you, and you can
get some rest!
Hugs,
Guest
Posts: n/a
<bgsound src="http://www.groovynet.com/midi/i-will-survive.mid">
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ine=1026141689
Good Job Bonbon !!!!
I'm proud of you !!!!
Hugs,
MG
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ine=1026141689
Good Job Bonbon !!!!
I'm proud of you !!!!
Hugs,
MG
Last edited by Morning Glory; 07-26-2002 at 02:19 PM.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Clarity is a gift, Bonbon and you have received yours.
Through some total quirk of fate, or act of God, I called my son once on his cellphone and although it didn't ring and he didn't answer it, his end became open, and I heard him scoring a deal and it almost made me sick to my stomach to hear him actually buying. I froze, couldn't hang up and didn't want to listen, but it was the best thing for me. I think it was at that moment that I accepted that he really WAS an addict. To this day neither he nor I have any idea how this happened. But it was a moment of clarity for me and I am grateful.
I believe we are where we are meant to be, and you were meant to be there to see it and get your moment of clarity.
You are one terrific lady, Bonbon, and I know you will survive!!!
Through some total quirk of fate, or act of God, I called my son once on his cellphone and although it didn't ring and he didn't answer it, his end became open, and I heard him scoring a deal and it almost made me sick to my stomach to hear him actually buying. I froze, couldn't hang up and didn't want to listen, but it was the best thing for me. I think it was at that moment that I accepted that he really WAS an addict. To this day neither he nor I have any idea how this happened. But it was a moment of clarity for me and I am grateful.
I believe we are where we are meant to be, and you were meant to be there to see it and get your moment of clarity.
You are one terrific lady, Bonbon, and I know you will survive!!!
Paused
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Raleigh-Cary-Garner, NC
Posts: 26
I agree. Moments of clarity come for me when I least expect them, but, usually when I am ready to accept them and have the inner and outer resources to accept them. Sometimes it takes a radical type of gut acceptance, minute by minute, but that is the deal, isn't it!
I'm glad you were able to get through this and I'm glad you shared it with us. It helps me to know that there are others who go through these situations and that we DO indeed have the strength.
My difficulty is, of course (although I'm much better today) that my nature is suspicious and I sometimes go looking for "clues" that my partner is NOT "behaving" as I believe he should. That's always a precursor to my difficulties . . . not his!
So, I've been working hard at not doing that, and just using the "live and let live" slogan. I figure if HP wants me to know something is going on, then HP will put it in plain view, not hide it.
That's useful for me.
Hugs
Jon
I'm glad you were able to get through this and I'm glad you shared it with us. It helps me to know that there are others who go through these situations and that we DO indeed have the strength.
My difficulty is, of course (although I'm much better today) that my nature is suspicious and I sometimes go looking for "clues" that my partner is NOT "behaving" as I believe he should. That's always a precursor to my difficulties . . . not his!
So, I've been working hard at not doing that, and just using the "live and let live" slogan. I figure if HP wants me to know something is going on, then HP will put it in plain view, not hide it.
That's useful for me.
Hugs
Jon
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