FaithChaser

I have felt so dang lost lately!
I feel like I've been on the fence in my marriage for so very long and I'm so very sick of it! I know I'm not alone in this, but for the past few years it seems to have just gotten worse. I have been going to Al-anon, and therapy and a bible study once per week. (my HP is Christ) I feel like I've been doing everything I can and the answer is still wait... I want to move on with my life NOW and my AH is still exactly where he was years ago. I keep growing, and he keeps staying put with his Bud in hand. I've been praying for guidence. I hear nothing back or at least that I can hear! I asked some ladies in my study what exactly to listen for. How do you know when your HP is telling you something? Their response was the following....
~ You have to first make yourself available to HP. (Okay, can someone tell me what this means????)

~Watch for circumstances. (Like coming home to a drunk, perhaps filing bankruptcy????)

~Watch for comforting scriptures (can't find any that condone getting a divorce)

~Wait for God's peace (I definately don't have a whole lot of peace right now and if I do it's fleeting)

~Seek in confirmation from others (yeah here! LOL help!!!!)

I would love to hear from some of you other SR members how exactly is it that you know when your HP is guiding you. I do feel right now my answer is to WAIT, and get prepared for what is to come. But how am I to be sure? Anyway anyone have some good ideas on how to hear HP I AM ALL EARS!!!!

Thanks and ((((HUGS)))) to everyone!
~FaithChaser

escape artist

these pages are from the "one day at a time in al-anon" book. pages 243.263 and 365 really helped me take a step back and re examine lots of things which i am still doing. i will write an excerpt and hope no one gets in trouble for me doing this: you can get this book at al-anon or maybe a bookstore.

When a family situation becomes really desperate, and we think we just can't go on another day living in uncertainty, fear, deprivation and general misery, we may decide to take action. that's good. But what action? So much depends on taking the right course. Let me consider:

Is my present frame of mind, whether of anger, bitterness or confusion, one in which I can make a wise choice? Have I yielded too readily to friendly advice, well-meant, but based on only limited knowledge of all the factors?

today's reminder

If I have come to the end of my rope, I have lived in this turmoil for a long time. Let me be patient a little longer while I weigh the alternatives. Will a radical change really work out better for me, for my children and, yes for my spouse?

Before I make a decision, or take a step, I will redouble my efforts to apply the Al-Anon program. It could bring me to an entirely different, more constructive solution than the drastic ones I was considering.

"make sure that the medicine you decide on in a rash and desperate maoment doesn't turn out to be worse than the malady."

cccc

hello faith chaser,
i have not been here in a long time but your thread hit me in the right spot. to me it looks like you have a great handle on your HP, and that seems like a wonderful place to be. i have also been in a situation where things have stayed the same in terms of the using, but have gotten progressively worse in my mind in the household. in fact the household does not exist as a family right now. it looks like you are doing all the things to make your life better in terms of dealing with the situation. i was doing a lot of those things also and sitting high on that same fence. in fact i thought the top of that fence seemed so thin i never knew which way i was going to fall. all i was trying to do is what seemed to be the proper thing to do. i was going to al-a and i was seeing someone for marriage counseling and i was reading books and i was learning new things. i think i was still in that fix it mode, or that mode of i am going here so the A can stop drinking then everything will be better and my picture perfect thoughts of what this marriage should be will come true. and i wanted it to be different and go on with my life. and i was learning to pray, and pray not for things to go my way, but just a sign or the answers on what god wanted my life to be like, and that was hard. i think i kept getting little signs (they were really big ones i was just so numb i did not see that) but never took them into light because it was not the answer i wanted. then a few days before christmas i got the biggest sign of my life, my spouse told me she could not make it in this marriage because it was not going in the right direction. wow!! what a sign. i have been in pain for awhile now and you know what at first it is not as great of a feeling as if i could just get away from this A then life would be better, or i have had enough and i do not want any part in their lives. but you know maybe for me God was telling me that this is what has to be done. maybe i should thank him for that one great moment he gave her the courage to stop the chaos in our life together. i dont know. maybe i was not doing things for myself all along, just for her and the marriage, and that can never be accomplished by one side. i know i went off the subject a little and told that story, but hey thats what this is for. i admire your relationship with your higher power, and your dedication to your life, keep it up. answers to all those questions i dont know, i am still learning every day. i know that fence, and that place where people tell you its okay to make a decision, not to make a decision. and i pray almost every day that God help me with my life from here, in the direction he pointed me in, because there has been a lot of more thrown at me after she relaized her decision.

thanks. someone gave me this card and i am holding onto it for awhile until i get it better but it is an excellent thought/

As children bring their broken toys with tears with us to mend, I brought my broken dreams to God, because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone, I hung around, and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried, "How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "what could I do? You never did let go."

wraybear

Faith, I could have written your post, like so many others on the board these days. I am not someone who should be giving advice, but I will tell you what I have done. I "kicked" my AH out about 3 months ago. The peace I have felt, other than finances, has been a peace I haven't had for a very long time. I have two young children and an 18 year old living at home. I have decided that I do not have to get divorced in the next 24 hours, so I am not. I know that may seem strange to some, they may recommend I move on and stop "waiting", but that is what is best for me and my children right now. I have prayed about it... and believe this is what is best for my family. I can't say I have truly HEARD God's will, or plan... but, the peace that I am feeling assures me that this is God's intent right now, this day.

I hope you can find some peace soon. Take care, and God bless!

Cap3

Making myself available to God for me meant that i was to let go of all that "stuff",i had in my mind,and heart..My judgements.My expectations.Let it all go and give my will and my life over to His care.Step 3.And for me,it also meant my marriage too.Pray and mediate.With no thoughts of the outcome.Praying only for His Will.I was burned out ,trying to figure out if i should stay or go in my marriage.I was driving myself up da wall,crazy trying to figure it all out.And this was in the way of my own recovery.I needed peace,within myself.I needed recovery.There was alot of awful things going on,with my alcoholic,then too.I let it all goooooooo..Remaining open.....This is how i make myself available.His Will,not mine.As im focusing on my relationship with God,im changing.Im changing how i feel,think etc.He is changing me.Im more out of self,and trying to be of service to others.The decison to stay or go,is no longer the main part of my life.Living one day at a time,in the moment.Im out of self more.When im not following His will,i feel it.Negitive.Depressed.Angry,Confused,etc....When there is a good relstionship with God,you will know...What directions to take.If your open,to His answers.Everyone i knew years ago told me to leave my marriage.I waited,for His Will not mine,which is different from what the others thought.No one knows God,s will for another.I Keep seeking.Searching,with an open mind{which is hard to do,I pray to have an open mind,heart} and heart,asking How can i serve?Your answers will come.And you will know that ya know that ya know.Cant explain it to others,really.Ya just know.....
This is how its works for me,
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,take care,!!

DesertEyes

Hi there Faith :-)

I'm sorry to hear that you are going thru such hardships. I know that when I get sick and tired enough of being sick and tired it is time to grow.

To me it means that my HP has certain tasks he needs done in this world. I make myself available by standing at the entrance to meetings and welcoming people. I notice the newcomers and make it a point to go say hello to them and listen to their story. I put my number on the list of phone numbers that gets handed out. I make it a point to meet my neighbors and listen to _their_ stories, and the people I meet in my daily life at the grocery store, at the bank and at my work. When appropriate, I share a little of my story in a general way. This opens the door for _their_ HP to work in their life, as a result of my sharing how my HP works in mine.

For me it means being aware of the world around me and how it can help me grow. I keep track of the news, and educate myself about personal finances and taxes. I have learned about the paperwork needed for a divorce and how to go about the process. I have learned that the local economy is booming in a nearby town, but it sucks where I live, so I have decided to move to the nearby town. I know enough about my tax papers to catch my tax guy making mistakes, saving myself some money.

For me the scriptures give my strength and hope. They don't make decisions for me. Corinthians 1:13 describes how I should feel towards other people. It describes compassion. Whether or not I should get a divorce is a decision that my HP allows _me_ to make.

For me that means that my life is not going to get fixed overnight. I have to take the actions necessary to fix it, and with a little bit of time I will have the "peace" that I seek. It means I need to develop patience.

I know I am being guided when I go to a meeting and I hear somebody share _my_ life exactly as if they had lived in my shoes. They share my life, then they share how they fixed _theirs_ and I hear that I am _not_ taking the actions they took. That's when my HP is showing me some options for me to consider in my life and it is time for me to make a decision.

That's called "faith". Nothing in life is _ever_ sure. What I need to have is the faith in my HP that he will give me the strength and the tools to deal with the challenges of life, even if I make the _wrong_ decision.

What I _can_ be sure of is that if I have the right _intentions_, and make the right _preparations_, then I have done my best effort and my HP requires no more than that.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

Karivan

Hi Faith. I bought the NIV Recovery Bible and it's been a life saver. It takes you through the 12 steps verse by verse and it's in a readable format. I just don't understand the King James version.

I was having the same trouble with this one but a feeling came over me one day that said, "Leave Kenny to me" and I knew it was from God. So I've backed off from trying to change him and I'm studying the Bible. The more I trust God and leave everything to him the better my life gets. I can really see the change in my AH. He's stopped drinking except for a beer when we go out to dinner now and then, he's going to church and counseling and he's a lot more active and aware of his surroundings.

Find the Recovery Bible and see if you think it will help you. It's written in a format for people that are in a 12 step program.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Take care and God bless.

HEALEDbyFAITH

DesertEyes you need to change your name to D E S C I P L E Well said.......

FaithChaser

Hey there everyone,
Thank you so much for your imput! It really put me at peace to read what others have done and how it has worked for them. I have heard time and time again that the answers will come and that, "you will just know". I feel a lot like what CCCC had said about, getting signs but not really wanting to see them, or believe them. BIG ones too lol. But, I see these things before me, and still have doubts. I always pray for HIS will for me, and I feel that when I am being guided things should be easy, and just happen gently. No huge changes and no earth shattering feelings.

Getting extremely honest here, at my very core belief system, I just don't give up on another human being. Once I make an oath, it is forever. I love unconditionally and accept another (AH) for who they are, what mistakes they need to make to grow. That is my will and MY belief. What God's will for me however feels different somehow and goes against everything that I have been taught in my religious beliefs, and everything that I have believed my entire adult life. I feel like I am being earged to move forward, and berid of this problem of being married to an alcoholic. I'm wondering if I am insane in thinking this and it goes against my grain so much that I don't believe it is the truth. I guess I am still not close enough to my HP to be able to feel that I really KNOW just yet. I will continue to go to meetings, therapy, and my study group and rather than doing my continual babbling (lol) I will stop and LISTEN and take notes, HP speaks through other people.... Thank you all again, you are truley lifesavers to me.

I've been doing a lot of reading about what "faith" is and how I can apply this, it isn't tangible so I find it a difficult thing. I guess that is why I've given myself my s/n.
Faith is not hoping but in being CERTAIN what you hope for and what you cannot see. BELIEVING in things that common sense tells you not to. It is an attitude, a conviction, to one having faith it is the only truth. To walk in faith means to see opportunites even in the midst of opposition. (I tend to not do that) On the one hand I know, on the other hand it continually changes form, guess HP made it this way so I never get bored? WOW do i have a lot of growing to do!!!!!
((((HUGS))))
~FaithChaser

hope2bhappy

FaithChaser - My HP (also Christ) sent me a message over the weekend regarding something that had me very troubled. Read my latest post to "Have you ever wondered what if...?" I found that something reassuring came from something painful. Please read it.

HEALEDbyFAITH

Watch for comforting scriptures (can't find any that condone getting a divorce)

There are two instances in scripture in which Divorce is discussed and even recommended. The fist instance is if you are married to a NON believer and the second permissable reason is adultry. I'll hunt the exact passages and get back to you later....