Girlfriend just relapsed again, I have to dump her
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2024
Posts: 1
Girlfriend just relapsed again, I have to dump her
First 4 months dating her she was mostly sober. At least I thought.
Then she went on a 10 day non stop Binge and I learned how bad she was. I wanted to dump her but felt guilty and felt bad for her. She just moved across the country for me.
Then after repeated 3 week sober stretches followed by relapses I dumped her. She was losing jobs cuz her drinking. She went to rehab for the 1st time in her life. We got back together. Then relapsed 3 weeks later. A few months later I dumped her cuz she was still drinking and losing her jobs. Always promising me she never would again. She went to rehab a 2nd time and asked for me back after. I agreed. I love her so much. She's so great when sober.
Then she stayed sober a super long time. Thought she was done forever. Was so proud of her. Almost forgot she ever had a drinking problem. After a yr and 3 months sober she relapsed. So bad, 11 day non stop Binge.
She went to rehab a 3rd time. That was 2 months ago. Shes been sober since. Tonight i texted her a new song about addiction by Joyner Lucas. She said it made her sad. I came home after work and she was passed out drunk, a bottle of alcohol in the living room. I regret texting her the song yet still its not my fault she drank.
Just insane. Almost speechless. Im like in shock. I don't know why I always believed her that she'd one day stop. It seems she'll never stop, ever. I cant keep living like this. It hurts so bad when she does this. It goes against my lifestyle completely. Breaks all my boundaries. Lowers my self respect. I don't drink at all. I can't relate. I'm so mad at her for destroying our relationship. I kinda hate her right now. And I know when I dump her she'll try to change my mind a million times. It's gonna suck. And we live together.
Then she went on a 10 day non stop Binge and I learned how bad she was. I wanted to dump her but felt guilty and felt bad for her. She just moved across the country for me.
Then after repeated 3 week sober stretches followed by relapses I dumped her. She was losing jobs cuz her drinking. She went to rehab for the 1st time in her life. We got back together. Then relapsed 3 weeks later. A few months later I dumped her cuz she was still drinking and losing her jobs. Always promising me she never would again. She went to rehab a 2nd time and asked for me back after. I agreed. I love her so much. She's so great when sober.
Then she stayed sober a super long time. Thought she was done forever. Was so proud of her. Almost forgot she ever had a drinking problem. After a yr and 3 months sober she relapsed. So bad, 11 day non stop Binge.
She went to rehab a 3rd time. That was 2 months ago. Shes been sober since. Tonight i texted her a new song about addiction by Joyner Lucas. She said it made her sad. I came home after work and she was passed out drunk, a bottle of alcohol in the living room. I regret texting her the song yet still its not my fault she drank.
Just insane. Almost speechless. Im like in shock. I don't know why I always believed her that she'd one day stop. It seems she'll never stop, ever. I cant keep living like this. It hurts so bad when she does this. It goes against my lifestyle completely. Breaks all my boundaries. Lowers my self respect. I don't drink at all. I can't relate. I'm so mad at her for destroying our relationship. I kinda hate her right now. And I know when I dump her she'll try to change my mind a million times. It's gonna suck. And we live together.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
I'm sorry sadguy - but welcome to SR 
You know the 3 Cs of Al-Anon? You didn't cause her drinking, you can't control it - and you cant cure it, only she can...when and if she's ready.
I know its hard to walk away, but it seems to me thats what you've decided to do deepdown - and man, that's ok.
Sounds like you've really tried here.
D
You know the 3 Cs of Al-Anon? You didn't cause her drinking, you can't control it - and you cant cure it, only she can...when and if she's ready.
I know its hard to walk away, but it seems to me thats what you've decided to do deepdown - and man, that's ok.
Sounds like you've really tried here.
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 96
As I am sure that others will come along and say the same thing, but alcoholism is progressive, and it will only get worse. I give you major props for putting in the amount of effort that you have and from what I read have given her more chances than she deserves. I don't mean that in a callous way, but I was the alcoholic in my relationship. It took me a couple of times for it to stick, but I wanted it the last time. I now sit at 8 months sober (small drop in the bucket, I know), but again I don't believe my amazing wife would have given me many more chances, nor did I deserve them if I kept ignoring her feelings. We all wish you the best on here, and it's an amazing resource to help navigate the craziness that accompanies alcohol. Wishing you nothing but strength and be grateful that you don't share kids or are married. That would certainly add many more layers of complexity.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,012
Heya Sad, welcome to SR and I am so so sorry for what brings you here.
That hope each time they get sober that is then dashed is so painful. I was lucky with my qualifier (qualifier means addict with whom you were in a relationship) in that he gave me no hope of him ever getting sober. It was painful but it was clear what I needed to do.
Unfortunately alcoholics can go back to drinking after 20 years of sobriety. It happens.
From what you say, you are done. That is good to know about yourself. It may take a while to untangle your life from hers and will also take awhile to grieve. Please be kind to yourself and gather all the support you can.
Let us know how you get on.
That hope each time they get sober that is then dashed is so painful. I was lucky with my qualifier (qualifier means addict with whom you were in a relationship) in that he gave me no hope of him ever getting sober. It was painful but it was clear what I needed to do.
Unfortunately alcoholics can go back to drinking after 20 years of sobriety. It happens.
From what you say, you are done. That is good to know about yourself. It may take a while to untangle your life from hers and will also take awhile to grieve. Please be kind to yourself and gather all the support you can.
Let us know how you get on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2023
Posts: 8
I’m so sorry. It’s so heartbreaking and no matter what we do we cannot fix or change them.
I think you have the answers, but we are here to support you.
I know this is awful, but you deserve a healthy, happy relationship.
I also definitely understand the ill feelings you have towards her right now. I’m so sorry.
I think you have the answers, but we are here to support you.
I know this is awful, but you deserve a healthy, happy relationship.
I also definitely understand the ill feelings you have towards her right now. I’m so sorry.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
Alcohol is a formidable foe.
Addiction is ruthless, cunning, deadly.
Many recovered As work a strong program of support (AA, sponsors, therapy, non-addicted people, sober places). Many As can't hold on to much recovered time and they relapse over and over and things continue their inevitable downward spiral and it is very sad.
That's why we're all here...collectively we've seen it all, so this is a safe safe place to ask questions and vent all the complicated topsy turvy feelings that come from relationships with As.
Hope you find some peace of mind today.
Peace,
B
Addiction is ruthless, cunning, deadly.
Many recovered As work a strong program of support (AA, sponsors, therapy, non-addicted people, sober places). Many As can't hold on to much recovered time and they relapse over and over and things continue their inevitable downward spiral and it is very sad.
That's why we're all here...collectively we've seen it all, so this is a safe safe place to ask questions and vent all the complicated topsy turvy feelings that come from relationships with As.
Hope you find some peace of mind today.
Peace,
B
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