getting this off my chest
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getting this off my chest
I am writing this to get this off my chest. And that I feel so alone, and unsure of myself. I will admit, I have been as far from recovery as I can be. Starting about summer of last year. I have been trying to save, save, save...and not in the prudent financial ways. The Ex has been spiralling down and me along with her. I felt justified, stepping in when I was fearful of where things were going in terms of her health. Case in point, which was a hugely traumatic moment for me. The other day, I was in her town, went to her place cause she hadn't been responding. She was face down on the floor, I called an ambulance. She's alive. Her apartment, filled with paramedics, vodka bottles everywhere. I know I have told this story, many, many times and here I am again. She goes, I drop by the hospital one hour later and she self discharged. She was obliterated drunk...amazing. I continued with my day, was at a workshop. The feeling of dread is so intense. I have my eyes wide open. I know I am doing this. It is reflexive. I can continue to justify my actions...don't want her to die, want to insulate my child from her mom's death, I feel so sorry for the ex...bla bla.
I havent moved on. I am stuck. I am doing al-anon meetings again, counselling. But I am obsessed. You have all been very supportive and have given me the best pearls of wisdom a man can get. Just wishing to get this out. The scene from the other day was so overwhelming and painful. Like most of my friends and family, they are confused and frustrated by my actions. I know this isn't right.
I havent moved on. I am stuck. I am doing al-anon meetings again, counselling. But I am obsessed. You have all been very supportive and have given me the best pearls of wisdom a man can get. Just wishing to get this out. The scene from the other day was so overwhelming and painful. Like most of my friends and family, they are confused and frustrated by my actions. I know this isn't right.
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hi woodlandlost. Well after reading your post I am not feeling confused or frustrated by what you have to say.
The situation is abnormal, you are not abnormal. Your reactions are human and compassionate. It's the distancing and separation from the tragic behaviour of the other person that's abnormal.
But, as you know, if you don't let go of that rope, you will be dragged.
Short of actually having her committed, I don't think you can help.
The situation is abnormal, you are not abnormal. Your reactions are human and compassionate. It's the distancing and separation from the tragic behaviour of the other person that's abnormal.
But, as you know, if you don't let go of that rope, you will be dragged.
Short of actually having her committed, I don't think you can help.
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That sounds traumatizing 😢. I’m sorry for your experience. I think it is cathartic to express these experiences to others who understand it on some level and will just listen. I don’t think I can keep talking with my family and friends about my confusion and feelings over someone who has acted so irresponsibly and hurt me, but someone that still matters to me. I’m still confused and hurt about who he really is and what the truth is. But I feared for his well being and life also and there is nothing trivial about it to me. I hope you feel better soon and find some peace amongst the chaos.
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Hey, Thanks. I am doing another Al-Anon meeting, the one good thing about ZOOM I suppose. It just feels good to be seeing and listening to another human. I am in one of those places where I believe that my daughter is avoiding me...sensing that I am damaged goods. I have seen the EX is many bad situations, been thru some horrible moments and for some reason that scene from the apartment has really impacted me. I had real bouts of panic during my sleep last night, my chest was tight and my heart would race. familiar feelings from the past.
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I'm so sorry WWL. This is an awful situation you find yourself in. There is no easy or "right" way to deal with your daughter's mother. It's really heartbreaking, and terrifying stuff. It's no wonder you are having anxiety attacks. I used to experience those kind of nights. I'd often wonder it the anxiety was causing me to have nightmares that brought on the attacks or if the impending anxiety attacks were bringing on the nightmares... I didn't get much sleep back then...which led to worsened anxiety.. so, I have a pretty solid idea about what you are experiencing... I know how bad it sucks. I also used to fear for my AXH death and how that would damage my children. I don't think there are solutions for that kind of fear when things are as bad as they are with your ex. You are doing what you can do.. you are seeking support through alanon and here, as well as seeking help through counselling... you are still putting one foot in front of the other each day to get done what needs to be done. Kudos for that, the struggle is so very real.
Those were the worst days of my life...having to deal with day to day life when I was just so overwhelmed with anxiety. I don't know how I did it...other than, I still had a kid at home, I HAD to do it. Teenagers don't make it any easier either. Parenting teenagers in the best of circumstances is a challenge, it's so much more brutal when things are chaotic. And it's really upsetting (frustrating, infuriating, you-name-it) when that chaos isn't even something within your control. I hope your daughter is still receptive to attending alanon meetings or getting some counselling of her own. Don't take it too personally if she seems to be pulling away from you... your rational brain knows that this is the time in life that kids naturally start to stretch their wings. We, as parents, aren't always as ready for them to do that as they are. Just another layer to this onion.
Take good care of yourself WWL... nutritious food, plenty of water, fresh air and exercise. It won't fix things, but it will help you deal with them.
You aren't alone, keep reaching out. Big *hugs* for you my friend.
Those were the worst days of my life...having to deal with day to day life when I was just so overwhelmed with anxiety. I don't know how I did it...other than, I still had a kid at home, I HAD to do it. Teenagers don't make it any easier either. Parenting teenagers in the best of circumstances is a challenge, it's so much more brutal when things are chaotic. And it's really upsetting (frustrating, infuriating, you-name-it) when that chaos isn't even something within your control. I hope your daughter is still receptive to attending alanon meetings or getting some counselling of her own. Don't take it too personally if she seems to be pulling away from you... your rational brain knows that this is the time in life that kids naturally start to stretch their wings. We, as parents, aren't always as ready for them to do that as they are. Just another layer to this onion.
Take good care of yourself WWL... nutritious food, plenty of water, fresh air and exercise. It won't fix things, but it will help you deal with them.
You aren't alone, keep reaching out. Big *hugs* for you my friend.
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Hi All and thank you. So I can pretty much say that my reactions ro everything were over the top. totally a throwback to some time ago. Watching myself, it looked like a man still fresh into this mess. Almost like I had not learned anything. I am sure some people, and I know people who learn and act differently, respond differently; more healthy. Other people detach, distance or move on. In some ways I am an all or none kinda guy. I can't have her in my life at all. She is my daughter's mom, yes...but nothing else. I have a lot of work to do. Allowing myself to unravel in this way, and with many other things in my life...has to change. I woke up this morning and I was dizzy. I didn't drink, smoke or anything of that nature. Just this empty feeling in my head and I felt like two bells were clanging inside my skull. It has since passed, but I think the extreme stress I have been experiencing may be the culprit. If anyone out there who is new to this, maybe contemplating a relatively short relationship with an alcoholic may want to read my story and see what the progression of alcoholism can look like...and maybe more to the point what can happen if you don't put yourself and your kids, first.
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I have hesitated to post this, but it keeps preying on my mind, so I'm just going to go ahead and do it. I hope you don't take offense.
I know you fear the possibility of having to tell your daughter that her mother has died. That is understandable. But, I keep wondering which you think would be worse for her? Finding out her mother has died, or finding out that you died. You have mentioned that this is affecting your own health.
Again, I hope you don't take offense, but I do think it's something you might want to think about? Your daughter needs you.
I know you fear the possibility of having to tell your daughter that her mother has died. That is understandable. But, I keep wondering which you think would be worse for her? Finding out her mother has died, or finding out that you died. You have mentioned that this is affecting your own health.
I had real bouts of panic during my sleep last night, my chest was tight and my heart would race.
I woke up this morning and I was dizzy. ...this empty feeling in my head and I felt like two bells were clanging inside my skull. It has since passed, but I think the extreme stress...
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I have found healing in self love meditations (always with earbuds) and the Ho’oponopono prayer. Some of my favourite meditations are from Positive Magazine on YouTube. They are easily available at all times when you need help. Or just talking/praying to God.
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When I was younger and just grappling with the acceptance of my brothers' alcoholism I had to go deep and realize my most stressful thoughts and reactions and grasping attempts at control/saving them had to do with the "what if they die" scenario. That most terrifying, final, irreversible possibility. When I was a kid and it was Dad drinking, the terror was just unnamed and pervasive, but as I matured I understood it was all from the same bag of anxiety.
Luckily I had a very good therapist who helped me face that very real possibility and accept that I had no control over it and helped me to constantly remember the long view. Just talking it out helped me realize that as tragic and unwanted as death would be, as awful as it would be for our family, that I could be strong enough to bear it and that I could handle the reality of it with sadness, grief, dignity, strength, and grace. Instead of getting into a lathered panic when my brothers went off the rails and the possibility of death seemed imminent, I would remind myself that yes that is a very real unwanted possibility that I have no power over. Acceptance, even of death, led me to greater peace of mind and more clarity in how I offered help without enabling them. If alcohol was killing them I was determined not to score points for Team Alcohol.
Some of the best conversations I've had with my kids over the years have happened when I have shared my own vulnerable fears, not in a burdening way, not seeking for them to make me feel better, but more honest and practical like, "Here's why I get anxious about XYZ (unsafe sex, drug and alcohol use, financial irresponsibility, my brothers' drinking...etc) and here's what I have learned about managing those fears, about serenity and what I can control and change and what I cannot." Acknowledging that there is no check mark where I can say, Oh OK, all done, I don't feel that fear anymore LOL! "It will be a fluid and sometimes confusing and frustrating element of life, so these are the tools I rely on not to spiral down and make myself sick. And sometimes even remembering to use those tools can be hard! I am always here for you to talk to and ask questions, and mostly I can just listen."
I hope you and your daughter have access to professional therapy or AlAnon/Alateen and are able to have those kinds of open conversations. I often wonder how different my life and my A brothers' lives would have been if our sober parent wasn't a raging enabler and had spoken to us and asked questions honestly and openly and humbly about the struggles of having an alcoholic parent. I'll never know!
Peace,
B
Luckily I had a very good therapist who helped me face that very real possibility and accept that I had no control over it and helped me to constantly remember the long view. Just talking it out helped me realize that as tragic and unwanted as death would be, as awful as it would be for our family, that I could be strong enough to bear it and that I could handle the reality of it with sadness, grief, dignity, strength, and grace. Instead of getting into a lathered panic when my brothers went off the rails and the possibility of death seemed imminent, I would remind myself that yes that is a very real unwanted possibility that I have no power over. Acceptance, even of death, led me to greater peace of mind and more clarity in how I offered help without enabling them. If alcohol was killing them I was determined not to score points for Team Alcohol.
Some of the best conversations I've had with my kids over the years have happened when I have shared my own vulnerable fears, not in a burdening way, not seeking for them to make me feel better, but more honest and practical like, "Here's why I get anxious about XYZ (unsafe sex, drug and alcohol use, financial irresponsibility, my brothers' drinking...etc) and here's what I have learned about managing those fears, about serenity and what I can control and change and what I cannot." Acknowledging that there is no check mark where I can say, Oh OK, all done, I don't feel that fear anymore LOL! "It will be a fluid and sometimes confusing and frustrating element of life, so these are the tools I rely on not to spiral down and make myself sick. And sometimes even remembering to use those tools can be hard! I am always here for you to talk to and ask questions, and mostly I can just listen."
I hope you and your daughter have access to professional therapy or AlAnon/Alateen and are able to have those kinds of open conversations. I often wonder how different my life and my A brothers' lives would have been if our sober parent wasn't a raging enabler and had spoken to us and asked questions honestly and openly and humbly about the struggles of having an alcoholic parent. I'll never know!
Peace,
B
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B,
I re-read this post a few times and everytime I do it seeps in a bit more. I had one of those conversations tonight with my daughter. She was upset trying to upload an image into this school project and she was struggling with it. I went into her room to help her and soon learned that her frustration was not about the photo. Her mom, drinking again, was what was troubling her. I listened, I shared, we talked. That seemed to be enough for her to move past that moment of frustration. I have been afraid on some level to really get into it with her. Seeing her in pain is not a place I like to tread...that has to do with my wish to avoid conflict I suppose. But like your post suggests, acceptance of things like death, like conflict are to some degree a part of the process...which for me is part of the process of growing. Thanks so much.
I re-read this post a few times and everytime I do it seeps in a bit more. I had one of those conversations tonight with my daughter. She was upset trying to upload an image into this school project and she was struggling with it. I went into her room to help her and soon learned that her frustration was not about the photo. Her mom, drinking again, was what was troubling her. I listened, I shared, we talked. That seemed to be enough for her to move past that moment of frustration. I have been afraid on some level to really get into it with her. Seeing her in pain is not a place I like to tread...that has to do with my wish to avoid conflict I suppose. But like your post suggests, acceptance of things like death, like conflict are to some degree a part of the process...which for me is part of the process of growing. Thanks so much.
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woodlandlost - I am so glad to hear that you and DD (dear daughter) were able to have that kind of conversation!!
In the same way I had to accept that I couldn't fix my brothers or magically make them not be alcoholics, I had to accept I couldn't/can't fix all the difficult and sometimes tragic things that come into my children's lives...so just creating a really strong safe and honest presence in myself for them and their struggles has been a focus of mine.
The honesty part is the game changer. Being able to admit to them (without oversharing and within age appropriateness of course) that I've made this or that mistake and here's what I learned etc... being able to apologize and say, I regret that I said this or that, or ignored this or that, and here's how I wish I handled it now that I know better or now that I am less afraid etc. Not having all the answers but saying I am here to help you carry this struggle until you choose what to do about it...
It's the kind of authenticity I lacked from my codie Mom and a big reason all my sibs have a very very shallow and frustrating relationship with her to this day.
I am always searching for the right language, because it hadn't been modeled for me as a child/adolescent...so whenever AlAnon, or a therapist, or a book I read had some good bit of language I would try to incorporate that. It's embarrassing to admit but something as simple as being able to open a difficult conversation with my kids by saying, "Hey I am wondering if we can talk about XYZ..." just that "Hey I'm wondering" part!! I grew up walking on egg shells and expertly avoiding! To address a reality head on? Wow!! Incredibly freeing to discover that difficult topics were de-weaponized when they were faced head on with warmth and courage! LOL
Learning to slow down and to use phrases to create space during stressful conversations, like "Hunh..." or "I see..." instead of reacting or pouncing on their responses (which would quickly shut down communication)... or I remember learning to use this phrase to talk about sex ed, drug use, peer pressure, etc: "Ok this might be uncomfortable but it's part of my job as your parent so let's talk about XYZ!" You can imagine the eye rolls and protests, but I'd just keep saying "part of my job, sorry!" LOL That lightheartedness allowed for deep conversations to follow...
Your DD is so blessed to have a sober sane parent who is MAKING THE EFFORT not only to protect & support her but to authentically listen and communicate. It's such a gift, and SO needed for the child of an A. There was a lot of darkness for me as the child of an A...not until my twenties and getting into AlAnon did I finally feel a release from all that I had been holding and hiding, the shame, the rage at my mother's (and others) enabling and denial. And then out of the darkness: Seeing the possibility of actually breaking the cycle of codependent behavior and language and denial in my own relationships! Still a struggle but always moving in the better direction.
Peace.
B.
In the same way I had to accept that I couldn't fix my brothers or magically make them not be alcoholics, I had to accept I couldn't/can't fix all the difficult and sometimes tragic things that come into my children's lives...so just creating a really strong safe and honest presence in myself for them and their struggles has been a focus of mine.
The honesty part is the game changer. Being able to admit to them (without oversharing and within age appropriateness of course) that I've made this or that mistake and here's what I learned etc... being able to apologize and say, I regret that I said this or that, or ignored this or that, and here's how I wish I handled it now that I know better or now that I am less afraid etc. Not having all the answers but saying I am here to help you carry this struggle until you choose what to do about it...
It's the kind of authenticity I lacked from my codie Mom and a big reason all my sibs have a very very shallow and frustrating relationship with her to this day.
I am always searching for the right language, because it hadn't been modeled for me as a child/adolescent...so whenever AlAnon, or a therapist, or a book I read had some good bit of language I would try to incorporate that. It's embarrassing to admit but something as simple as being able to open a difficult conversation with my kids by saying, "Hey I am wondering if we can talk about XYZ..." just that "Hey I'm wondering" part!! I grew up walking on egg shells and expertly avoiding! To address a reality head on? Wow!! Incredibly freeing to discover that difficult topics were de-weaponized when they were faced head on with warmth and courage! LOL
Learning to slow down and to use phrases to create space during stressful conversations, like "Hunh..." or "I see..." instead of reacting or pouncing on their responses (which would quickly shut down communication)... or I remember learning to use this phrase to talk about sex ed, drug use, peer pressure, etc: "Ok this might be uncomfortable but it's part of my job as your parent so let's talk about XYZ!" You can imagine the eye rolls and protests, but I'd just keep saying "part of my job, sorry!" LOL That lightheartedness allowed for deep conversations to follow...
Your DD is so blessed to have a sober sane parent who is MAKING THE EFFORT not only to protect & support her but to authentically listen and communicate. It's such a gift, and SO needed for the child of an A. There was a lot of darkness for me as the child of an A...not until my twenties and getting into AlAnon did I finally feel a release from all that I had been holding and hiding, the shame, the rage at my mother's (and others) enabling and denial. And then out of the darkness: Seeing the possibility of actually breaking the cycle of codependent behavior and language and denial in my own relationships! Still a struggle but always moving in the better direction.
Peace.
B.
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Hi woodland. It's been a while since I checked in here. Sorry to read that the situation with your daughter's mother continues.....
I can totally relate to your fear of her death and how that could effect your daughter. I lived with that type of fear for a long time. I was convinced that my ex husband was going to die and that I would have to make it all ok for my kids. I don't know if you remember what happened in my story...... he didn't die but I was so busy busy bodying around him and worrying about him that I totally neglected myself and ended up so unwell that I actually came closer to death than he did. Others have said it here woodland..... please look after yourself.
I have absolutely no contact with my ex now. A couple of months ago he had a tooth out and it got infected. He ended up in hospital with septacemia. I have become so detached from him that I ran through a list in my head of the practicalities that would need to be done if he died and which ones I would be prepared to do if asked. Then I asked my son if he wanted me to drive him to the hospital to visit his dad. "nah" he said. "he'll be alright". It was his dad's birthday but he really wasn't bothered about visiting him. He got out after a few days and as far as I know he his now fine.
Your daughter's mother has proven time and again that she is a survivor and can keep taking herself to the edge then coming back for more. At the end of the day it's her choice to live that way. Your daughter will work it out. She is so blessed to have you.
I can totally relate to your fear of her death and how that could effect your daughter. I lived with that type of fear for a long time. I was convinced that my ex husband was going to die and that I would have to make it all ok for my kids. I don't know if you remember what happened in my story...... he didn't die but I was so busy busy bodying around him and worrying about him that I totally neglected myself and ended up so unwell that I actually came closer to death than he did. Others have said it here woodland..... please look after yourself.
I have absolutely no contact with my ex now. A couple of months ago he had a tooth out and it got infected. He ended up in hospital with septacemia. I have become so detached from him that I ran through a list in my head of the practicalities that would need to be done if he died and which ones I would be prepared to do if asked. Then I asked my son if he wanted me to drive him to the hospital to visit his dad. "nah" he said. "he'll be alright". It was his dad's birthday but he really wasn't bothered about visiting him. He got out after a few days and as far as I know he his now fine.
Your daughter's mother has proven time and again that she is a survivor and can keep taking herself to the edge then coming back for more. At the end of the day it's her choice to live that way. Your daughter will work it out. She is so blessed to have you.
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Amaranth,
This message could not come at a better time, I can't tell you how much this lifted me up. I dragged myself to a 12 o'clock al-anon meeting, just to try and get out of my head...it did not work...but small steps right? Your message helped calm me...
She went downhill after Easter, and is no longer responding to texts, as we live in separate towns and a ferry ride between us my inability to intervene is very uncomfortable. I am sad to say I have regressed, it is shameful for me, it has cost me a lot, health and family and sanity. But I am determined to claw my way back.
As per my usual response I get extremely worried and continue to project the worst outcome. It leads to enabling behaviours that sabotage her and me. Just to lay my cards on the table...so as to show the context of this latest iteration:
She had a month of clean...back to work. Called me crying that she didn't have enough to cover rent due to deductions from her pay, I sent her $500. My thoughts, well she needs a place so my daughter can visit. The truth: I don't want her to suffer, be on the street, die. You can all guess how this played out. Not two days later...drinking again...missing work, contact lost. And there I am, worrying. Did I just sabotage her? Did I hasten her death? I create my own problems...I know that. Feeling ashamed of myself.
This message could not come at a better time, I can't tell you how much this lifted me up. I dragged myself to a 12 o'clock al-anon meeting, just to try and get out of my head...it did not work...but small steps right? Your message helped calm me...
She went downhill after Easter, and is no longer responding to texts, as we live in separate towns and a ferry ride between us my inability to intervene is very uncomfortable. I am sad to say I have regressed, it is shameful for me, it has cost me a lot, health and family and sanity. But I am determined to claw my way back.
As per my usual response I get extremely worried and continue to project the worst outcome. It leads to enabling behaviours that sabotage her and me. Just to lay my cards on the table...so as to show the context of this latest iteration:
She had a month of clean...back to work. Called me crying that she didn't have enough to cover rent due to deductions from her pay, I sent her $500. My thoughts, well she needs a place so my daughter can visit. The truth: I don't want her to suffer, be on the street, die. You can all guess how this played out. Not two days later...drinking again...missing work, contact lost. And there I am, worrying. Did I just sabotage her? Did I hasten her death? I create my own problems...I know that. Feeling ashamed of myself.
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wandl, you know after reading your last post there and what you said about feeling ashamed, I initially thought, what does he have to feel ashamed for? Then I thought about it a bit more and thought, what does he feel ashamed for!
You don't have anything to be ashamed of in my book. First of all you didn't hasten her death, sabotage her or anything else, you gave her some money, she chose what to do with that. However even if she called you up and said she needed a drink do you have 20.00 and you gave it to her, well even that isn't sabotage. If she couldn't get a drink that night because of that, she would have found another way tomorrow I figure.
So, you are determined to exclude yourself from her life now and that is a worthy cause! But still, shame will just wear you down. You are not a bad person for doing something that might go against your boundary or your wisdom, you are fallible! You are human. I hope you can shake that shame off, you don't deserve to be beat up about this.
Anyway those are just my thoughts on it, for what it's worth.
You don't have anything to be ashamed of in my book. First of all you didn't hasten her death, sabotage her or anything else, you gave her some money, she chose what to do with that. However even if she called you up and said she needed a drink do you have 20.00 and you gave it to her, well even that isn't sabotage. If she couldn't get a drink that night because of that, she would have found another way tomorrow I figure.
So, you are determined to exclude yourself from her life now and that is a worthy cause! But still, shame will just wear you down. You are not a bad person for doing something that might go against your boundary or your wisdom, you are fallible! You are human. I hope you can shake that shame off, you don't deserve to be beat up about this.
Anyway those are just my thoughts on it, for what it's worth.
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Hi woodland. I am sorry to hear you are feeling ashamed. I don't feel that that is very much use to you or anyone else. It doesn't matter what you do or don't do, if you give your ex money or not. She´s going to do her thing, you can´t change that. What you really, really want more than anything is for her to get clean and stay clean. And to be a great mum to your daughter. The thing is, these things may never happen. At the moment it doesn't appear that she wants to be clean. You cannot force it to happen.
A few months ago I went to see a medium. He told me something that I found quite shocking at the time. He said my divorce was my liberation and that my ex is dead to me. He said imagine a gravestone with his name on it. Now go and live your life. He has nothing more to offer you.
I protested a bit..... what about the kids, they need my help to deal with him. He said no, they have their own relationship with him. Don´t interfere.
The weird thing is, after I let that all sink in, I stopped worrying about him dying because he already is, well at least to me. And he can just carry on doing what he does without me worrying about him and I have stopped trying to get information about him out of kids with my "indirect" (totally obvious) questions. I feel a huge sense of relief. I feel like I was set free.
I´m not sure how I´ll react if I bump into him in the street though, it will be like seeing a ghost!!
All those years that I feared him dying were hard. It was at the front of my mind all the time. I lived with it constantly. I was convinced it was going to happen very soon. I did some pretty mental things. If someone had suggested to me then to imagine he was dead I´m not sure how I would have received that. I think it would have been to painful. But now......it feels quite comfortable that he´s dead to me but still in the kids life.
A few months ago I went to see a medium. He told me something that I found quite shocking at the time. He said my divorce was my liberation and that my ex is dead to me. He said imagine a gravestone with his name on it. Now go and live your life. He has nothing more to offer you.
I protested a bit..... what about the kids, they need my help to deal with him. He said no, they have their own relationship with him. Don´t interfere.
The weird thing is, after I let that all sink in, I stopped worrying about him dying because he already is, well at least to me. And he can just carry on doing what he does without me worrying about him and I have stopped trying to get information about him out of kids with my "indirect" (totally obvious) questions. I feel a huge sense of relief. I feel like I was set free.
I´m not sure how I´ll react if I bump into him in the street though, it will be like seeing a ghost!!
All those years that I feared him dying were hard. It was at the front of my mind all the time. I lived with it constantly. I was convinced it was going to happen very soon. I did some pretty mental things. If someone had suggested to me then to imagine he was dead I´m not sure how I would have received that. I think it would have been to painful. But now......it feels quite comfortable that he´s dead to me but still in the kids life.
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Woodland, I was your daughter. My relationship with my enabling father suffered terribly because of his codependence--which he, consciously or not, tried to pass on to me.
Please don't lose your daughter trying to save her mom. You are not powerful enough to do the latter, and you will only have so many chances to prevent the former.
Please don't lose your daughter trying to save her mom. You are not powerful enough to do the latter, and you will only have so many chances to prevent the former.
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