Found out my Girlfriend is an alcoholic and experience with her so far.
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Join Date: Sep 2021
Posts: 1
Found out my Girlfriend is an alcoholic and experience with her so far.
Hi and thanks in advance for reading this. Apologies, as my English are not the best.
A few months ago and during the lockdown, more specific in March, I met online a girl. We had really good communication, the conversation was flowing, a great vibe etc. She was a very charming, very smart and great person.
We use to talk non-stop every day, having zoom calls etc. It was a period of my life that I was moving for work, to the city she lives. We finally met, she also helped me with the move, she used to visit and stay at my place regularly the first few days.
One night, she was out with a friend, she messaged me to meet, I said ok, I am home, you can come whatever you want. She told me that she will be at my place in 30 min. I was waiting for her for at least 2:30 hours with no sign, no answering messages, phone calls etc. The other morning she called me, then she came into my place and told me that she had to spend the night at the police station, they got arrested her because she had a glass of wine and was driving.
That was suspicious and after a few days, while I was asking different questions and wanted to support her, she told me that she had problems with alcohol. It was a huge surprise to me, I could never imagine that. After I while she joined an AA group, we used to meet as before. She was about to go on holiday at the beginning of June for a week, I told her to message me when she comes back so we can meet. Our communication at this point wasn't as used to be. One day when I messaged her and asked her if she ok and want to talk she told me to leave her alone, she tried to kill herself etc... Then, the other morning she messages me and apologises, she told me that she feels bad and didn't want to hurt me and that she had a relapse. I decided to give her some space and support her as much I could. After a while, we decided to be just friends, as she had no sex drive, I think this is normal and part of the process. We met a few times, for walks, she also came to my flat again to have dinner and watch movies.
The last time we met we had a really good time together. We went out for tea, long walks then she came into my flat, we cooked, watched a movie, talking about Halloween, Christmas what we like and what not, she started showing me photos from her past and we shared some personal stuff too. We decided to do something together on Halloween, Then a few days after I sent her a few messages and she never replied. So I asked her if that my messages were too much for her and she said that she needed some time for herself to short a few things out and that she will message me soon.
So my question is what that means? What do you think I should do? Next week she's got the court case and I would love to be there or message her to say that I hope things will be ok for her. But on the other hand, I don't know if it is right. I know that she needs space, this is going to be a very long and challenging process for her, it is not an easy journey. But I am afraid that maybe I am not a good influence on her... Should I just leave? or giving her space?
A few months ago and during the lockdown, more specific in March, I met online a girl. We had really good communication, the conversation was flowing, a great vibe etc. She was a very charming, very smart and great person.
We use to talk non-stop every day, having zoom calls etc. It was a period of my life that I was moving for work, to the city she lives. We finally met, she also helped me with the move, she used to visit and stay at my place regularly the first few days.
One night, she was out with a friend, she messaged me to meet, I said ok, I am home, you can come whatever you want. She told me that she will be at my place in 30 min. I was waiting for her for at least 2:30 hours with no sign, no answering messages, phone calls etc. The other morning she called me, then she came into my place and told me that she had to spend the night at the police station, they got arrested her because she had a glass of wine and was driving.
That was suspicious and after a few days, while I was asking different questions and wanted to support her, she told me that she had problems with alcohol. It was a huge surprise to me, I could never imagine that. After I while she joined an AA group, we used to meet as before. She was about to go on holiday at the beginning of June for a week, I told her to message me when she comes back so we can meet. Our communication at this point wasn't as used to be. One day when I messaged her and asked her if she ok and want to talk she told me to leave her alone, she tried to kill herself etc... Then, the other morning she messages me and apologises, she told me that she feels bad and didn't want to hurt me and that she had a relapse. I decided to give her some space and support her as much I could. After a while, we decided to be just friends, as she had no sex drive, I think this is normal and part of the process. We met a few times, for walks, she also came to my flat again to have dinner and watch movies.
The last time we met we had a really good time together. We went out for tea, long walks then she came into my flat, we cooked, watched a movie, talking about Halloween, Christmas what we like and what not, she started showing me photos from her past and we shared some personal stuff too. We decided to do something together on Halloween, Then a few days after I sent her a few messages and she never replied. So I asked her if that my messages were too much for her and she said that she needed some time for herself to short a few things out and that she will message me soon.
So my question is what that means? What do you think I should do? Next week she's got the court case and I would love to be there or message her to say that I hope things will be ok for her. But on the other hand, I don't know if it is right. I know that she needs space, this is going to be a very long and challenging process for her, it is not an easy journey. But I am afraid that maybe I am not a good influence on her... Should I just leave? or giving her space?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
she said that she needed some time for herself to short a few things out and that she will message me soon
In other words, she's got a lot of bad stuff going on in her life and she doesn't want you to be part of it right now.
I'd say leave her completely alone. That's what she has asked you to do. She has a lot of problems, I wonder why you would want to be involved in that?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 291
I would have to agree, that this lady seems to have alot of issues.
She needs to work those out, on her own.
It may be best if you stepped back, and kept yourself out of her rather chaotic life. It really wouldn't be beneficial for you to be involved in it.
Just my thoughts.
Much Love
Bute x
She needs to work those out, on her own.
It may be best if you stepped back, and kept yourself out of her rather chaotic life. It really wouldn't be beneficial for you to be involved in it.
Just my thoughts.
Much Love
Bute x
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
It really sounds as if there is not much going for you in this. I understand it can be hard to meet people especially in a new town or if language is an issue, but wouldn't it be better for you to meet someone who is interested in you, shows up when they say they will, and is more compatible and with similar interests? Wouldn't you prefer a relationship with a person who makes an effort to be with you? Don't settle for anything less than what you want for yourself.
If she says she can't be there or doesn't have time, believe it and say a kind but firm goodbye. This may be the most honesty that you ever get from this person.
If she says she can't be there or doesn't have time, believe it and say a kind but firm goodbye. This may be the most honesty that you ever get from this person.
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