AlcSis

Yikes, last time I posted here was late 2019. (Ooops, I did post here, a couple of weeks ago).
It was about my addict son (weed for over 25 years). I recently found out he has been diagnosed bipolar. (I suspected this for years.) His father (my now, ex Alc husband is also bipolar). And totally estranged from this son.
(Note: I first posted here about my AS). Substance abuse runs rampant in my family - son and ex-hubby aren’t the only ones). I’m just a recovering (work in progress) co-dependent.

AS lives on east coast; I live on the west coast.
He is still using, denies he has weed addiction and a mental health issue.😔 Today, tonight, he is in a really REALLY bad spot. I won’t bore everyone with “his” (our) story. It’s like a “Reality Series Re-Run”, with different characters fading in and out of the scenes and episodes.

I have helped him out with $$$ recently, because he currently is injured and unable to work.
But he is NOT addressing his addiction(s) and bipolar illness. And these conditions are OUT OF CONTROL.
🔥 Also, he recently purchased something really dangerous - probably with the $$$ I sent. 😞

I have decided not to send any more $$$, or listen to, or read, his BS, in his calls and texts. (I THOUGHT he was doing better. We had started communicating during COVID - and he seemed clean/sober/different. (So very wrong, was I.)

He is on the verge of homelessness (again). But this time, if it happens, it will be a VERY VERY bad situation for him.

But, maybe, THIS will be his true “Bottom”.
And he will admit his illnesses, seek and (hopefully) receive help. Maybe…….😞🙏

Thanks for letting me share, and for being here, SR F&F friends. 🙏
“Let Go and Let God.” That’s what I am doing.

Cookie314

I hope he's able to get clean and avoid homelessness, but that choice will be up to him. Only he knows what his bottom will be. I agree that not sending him any more money sounds like the right plan.

How are you feeling right now? I tended to get really wrapped up in worry about my AH, to the point I wasn't taking care of myself. Do you have anything planned tonight that's focused on your own self care?

dandylion

AlkSis.....letting go and letting God can be a helpful attitude for you...but, this is very very hard for a mother. You really do need some support group or organization for yourself. I suggest that you go in the internet and find the County Government website for whatever county that you are lliving in. There will be a county mental health organization listed there. Make a contact and appointment with one of the social workers on that site---and meet and tell him/her the whole story. There will be help available for you. Your life must go on---living is still necessary and worth while for you. You cannot be expected to be a total sacrifice just because there is alcoholism and mental illness in your family.
Perhaps it is possible that the Universe will present him with a long dual diagnosis program that he may grab hold of.
You can pray for this.
There are millions and millions of mothers in your exact position in this country, alone.
You can draw strength and validity for yourself from others who walk your same walk.

My own mother's heart goes out to you and hope that you reach out for the support that you deserve.

AlcSis

Thanks, Dandy. 😘. I appreciate your suggestions.
I have already done all/most of that.
Have a "friend of a friend", who lives in that state, and forwarded most of that info to me, and I forwarded to him. I even talked to someone at one of the agencies.
He is resisting help for his mental health and addiction. But keeps texting about no sleep, pain, drooling, crazy ideas, etc. etc.
I keep reiterating, call your PCP. Check with your psychologist. (He saw him/her twice.) Thank goodness he has ACA insurance.
I have been attending an online Alanon meeting.
Waiting for info from insurance for a counselor for me. (Recently went on an antidepressant).
The rest of our family has given up on him.
And now, after recent developments, I truly have too.
I pray he doesn't hurt himself or - anyone else. 😩

AlcSis

Cookie, thanks for your reply. I am feeling afraid for him, but keep reminding myself to turn my son into the absolute care of my HP, whom I call God.
"Let Go, Let God" is my mantra. That's all I can do for him.
It's a warm summer evening, and I am enjoying some leftover salmon.
(Went to lunch with neighbor).
​​​​Hope you are doing ok, with your thoughts about AH.
Detachment works. But it can be difficult to activate, at times.

dandylion

AlkSis.....I understand. I will say that if there is ever an occasion that he will accept help---I think that it is imperative that it be a DUAl-Diagnosis inpatient stay---for starters, at least. Both conditions need to be addressed simultaneously. Maybe, you are already aware of this---I don't know what kind of services that ACA insurance covers.

AlcSis

Dandy, I really don't know what the ACA provides. Especially for a dual diagnosis. He needs good doctors and probably an advocate. Seems he has burned most bridges where he lives now.
i can't advocate for him. Because of his violent behaviors towards me and his dad, he can't live with either one of us.
The ball is in his court.

AlcSis

Just wanted to add something.
Not for sympathy. Not to make an excuse for why I am, in essence, "throwing in the towel" regarding my son.
I have an autoimmune illness. Myasthenia Gravis. Which can cause respiratory failure during an MG crisis.
Years ago I went into and survived two (2) MG crises. With appropriate meds, lifestyle change and stress management, I have managed to stay out of an MG crisis.

Between covid and my son's addiction progression and his mental health (currently manic), the stress factor has increased exponentially.


(And no, I am not blaming him 100% for my current severe MG exacerbation. (near to a crisis) But my Neuro knows my situation and is encouraging me to highly limit contact with this son.

😞My disease is now considered refractory. All meds, treatment, etc. , even one of the most expensive barely help, or help for only a short time.


Hopefully, releasing, letting go, going no contact with my addict son will help.

​​​
​​​​​I Can NOT - WILL NOT - allow the garbage from my son's life to send me into another mysathenic crisis, into ER, into ICU, and intubated.
ESPECIALLY in this age of covid, variants, and other known and unknown threats.

Per my Neuro, another crisis could/would probably cost me my life.

**Seems I have hit my bottom. (I do attend an Alanon meeting online, have a friend who is unofficially my sponsor. Unofficial, because she has lots going on too, and has a busy stressful job. But I do talk to her, when she is available.)

***This site, and being able to WRITE out what is going on, is a FABULOUS BLESSING. A WONDERFUL "tool" in my recovery box.
😍I love SR.

dandylion

AlcSis.....I, never, for one minute, thought that you were just "throwing in the towel" on your son. My own mother's heart understands that for the situation, you have taken the only available option.
Let Go and Let God---IS a valid course of action.

I am keeping you and your son in my thoughts.

AlcSis

Thanks, Dandy.
I KNEW/KNOW you understand. ❤️
I guess I kind of feel I am “throwing in the towel”. 😞 But am working on it.
Some others may not understand my decision - now - and that is okay.

Hugs to you and others in the wonderful group.

velma929

Sometimes people are so out of control, it's best to love them from afar.
Wishing you peace.