This is my story, confused as ever!
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Join Date: May 2021
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This is my story, confused as ever!
We have been together for 9 years now and the last 5 years of that we have battled a lot of trauma and his alcohol addiction. His drinking started out slow, weekends with friends which was fine and normal in my books. He used to play in a pool league that would meet once a week, a healthy out until it was not. He would come home hours later after the game had ended completely drunk and driving home, times he would come home and puke and pass out, lies of “I am on my way home,” but then heard him yelling where are my keys. That was the beginning of this illness, it soon ramped up to grabbing beers after work with his friends, lying he was still at work, I had caught him countless times in this lie. Grabbing beers with his carpool friend after they were done work, for a couple “roadies.”
Then one night after pool league he called me on his way home drunk, I heard a commotion and the line went dead. He called me back, he was in an accident. It was snowing really bad and he went off the road and was sucked into the ditch, he got out of the car and ran (it was late at night he was the only person on the road.) He found someone off the highway who drove him home. After the police started calling his phone, not knowing why his car was in the ditch and to make sure he was alive. He did not answer these calls, an hour had gone by before a ring at the door, it was the police looking for him. I took the fall, I said I was driving home from my job and the snow was so bad it had pulled me into the ditch and my boyfriend came to pick me up, I told them I figured it was okay to leave the car there as it was off the highway and late at night. The police believed me, and he walked away without a DUI.
After this his drinking ramped up to a whole new level, every night or day off he was drunk and once he had one he could not stop, countless times I would find him passed out sitting outside or on the couch.
One night he had gone to visit a friend, he had made it a habit when he visited this friend to become intoxicated than drive home. This time, he rolled his car on the highway in a single vehicle accident. I had gotten yet another phone call from him being drunk and in an accident, except this time I could not understand a word he was saying. I got in my car not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. When he finally could explain what happened I was shocked, he had rolled his car and after being pulled out took off running into the woods. When I had gotten to his location there were police and dogs swarming the area, I had never seen anything like that in my life, all to this to look for my drunk boyfriend who took off running. I did what I always have done for him, I covered for him. I picked him up and started to drive home the 40 minute drive, on the way there were cops slowly passing us the entire way home. He had drugs on him and I asked repeatedly to throw them out the window, me being caught with him in the car and him having drugs could make this already insane situation even worse.
Why I even went to get him is beyond me now, I should have let him deal with this on his own but at the time I could not even process what was going on.
When we got home police came from the side street swarming our house, they had been driving by and waiting for his return. The neighbor had told us they came by with flash lights and were looking in our backyard and windows. It was terrifying, I have never had any interaction with the police before, never even been pulled over so to have cops all over the road and driveway was a lot. To be the spectacle neighbor was embarrassing, to see the person I love put me in this situation, was horrific.
One officer on scene had asked me the location of where I picked him up, he had watched him get into my car, I remember watching a police officer drive by slowly staring at me. They threatened to arrest me for helping him get away.
They stuck him in the back of a cop car to get his statement but because he was at home before they found him, they could not charge him with a DUI but charged him with everything else they could think of. He hired a lawyer and all charges were dropped.
I will never forget what the one police officer said to me, “You are a good person, I can tell and this man is a runner, a no good man. When the going gets tough he will always run instead of fighting.” That has stuck with me 4 years later, he was right.
After this night, I started to go down the rabbit hole with my spouse. I started drinking every night, going to work exhausted with a hangover all to come home and repeat the process together. His mood started to change, the person I loved was gone instead replaced by someone who was constantly moody and angry. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells around him, unless we were both drunk.
Once covid hit last year, it was an eye opener for myself. I did not recognize myself anymore, I did not like the person I was becoming. I was gaininging weight, I was tired all the time. So I made the decision to stop drinking - every once in a while I would still have a drink but found myself not wanting to go past the buzz stage, I had a taste of waking up in the morning feeling great and I craved that feeling. My partner on the other hand did not feel the same way, we started to drift apart, fast. I started to resent him when he was drunk, found him irritating and almost repulsed by him. I started to notice the only times he was lovey dovey to me or compliment me was when he was drunk, I started to hate the words he said to me cause in the morning they did not ring true.
It was not until September of last year did he make the decision to stop drinking during the week and only on weekends, I was excited for this, I thought I was finally going to get our lives back. The first few weeks were really hard, he was angry all the time, anxious, he told me alcohol was the only thing he could think about, I understood he was going through withdrawal, I encouraged him and gave him space when he needed to work through his thoughts on his own. A few months into this decision we were happy, everything seemed to be behind us until the “new Friday’s” started. Every weekend I now watch him drink a 24 case of beer and usually another 12 case and maybe some vodka on top of it. The next morning after a binge night of drinking, his mood is at an all time low, he looks and act depressed, his anxiety is through the roof, I have had family members comment if he is okay or needs help.
Then after the weekend the week continues, Monday I deal with him moody because of withdrawal, Tuesday he is exhausted and by Wednesday I see his life come back, the smiles, the twinkle in his eyes and amazing conversation and laughs we used to have together and then all to repeat the process on Friday. And here we are stuck in the vicious cycle.
His drinking triggers me, after so many years of dealing with it on a daily basis. I found myself counting the beers he was having, an unconscious pattern I had started, I found the sound of the beer can opening started this rage in myself that I could not contain. It is like I see red and cannot stop myself from pointing all of these things out that I was noticing, soon it would turn into blow out fights every time. I told him I could not be around him when he drinks, so most weekends I sit alone on the couch just listening to the beers open. I would tell myself not to go out to the garage and start telling him how many beers he had but I could not stop myself, as hard as I tried. I will sit on the couch all weekend like a ball of anxiety. Not being with him on the weekends has caused a major rift in our relationship, he will get mad and call me lazy for sitting on the couch every friday night and I feel stuck. I cannot be around him when he drinks and with covid there is nowhere else to go and I am so riddled with anxiety I just sit there numbly staring at the TV for hours.
His new thing is he likes to tell me this is a “me problem” the way i react to his drinking and lately if he brings any beer home on Fridays I just start yelling and crying, I can’t stop myself from acting this way. Once I have calmed down it is too late, the damage is done. I will go to apologize for my behaviour and try to explain I have felt fight or flight for so many years it is almost an automatic response at this point but I get the “Get away from me, F you, I can’t live like this anymore, I need to find someone who is just happy with me for who I am”
I broke a few weekends ago, a complete mental breakdown that lasted for hours. Most of my memories of that night are gone. I had decided to pack up all the booze in the house and put it away, out of sight out of mind. My partner did not like this and an argument broke out, I reacted in such a way it terrified me. Terrified me to my core, made me sit there and think who am I, what have I become, a shell of a person. This is not me, I have overcome so many extreme obstacles in my life and NEVER let them get me down or break me. I have proved to everyone that you do not have to be the person who lets life break them. Fight back and become stronger from experiences. But this, this has broken me.
I have made an appointment to talk to someone because at this point my own mental health is at an all time low, and it scares me. I am the type of person to wake up happy every morning, the person who feels like every day is a new day and now i find myself counting my good days.
I have a hard time walking away from him, I want to fight for him to have a better life to be the best version of himself. Alcohol addiction is a disease, how do you just walk away from someone without fighting tooth and nail to help them. He has a good job, works very hard to provide a really amazing life for the both of us, I just wish he could enjoy the life he works so hard to build with me.
But when is enough enough?
Then one night after pool league he called me on his way home drunk, I heard a commotion and the line went dead. He called me back, he was in an accident. It was snowing really bad and he went off the road and was sucked into the ditch, he got out of the car and ran (it was late at night he was the only person on the road.) He found someone off the highway who drove him home. After the police started calling his phone, not knowing why his car was in the ditch and to make sure he was alive. He did not answer these calls, an hour had gone by before a ring at the door, it was the police looking for him. I took the fall, I said I was driving home from my job and the snow was so bad it had pulled me into the ditch and my boyfriend came to pick me up, I told them I figured it was okay to leave the car there as it was off the highway and late at night. The police believed me, and he walked away without a DUI.
After this his drinking ramped up to a whole new level, every night or day off he was drunk and once he had one he could not stop, countless times I would find him passed out sitting outside or on the couch.
One night he had gone to visit a friend, he had made it a habit when he visited this friend to become intoxicated than drive home. This time, he rolled his car on the highway in a single vehicle accident. I had gotten yet another phone call from him being drunk and in an accident, except this time I could not understand a word he was saying. I got in my car not knowing where I was going or what I was going to do. When he finally could explain what happened I was shocked, he had rolled his car and after being pulled out took off running into the woods. When I had gotten to his location there were police and dogs swarming the area, I had never seen anything like that in my life, all to this to look for my drunk boyfriend who took off running. I did what I always have done for him, I covered for him. I picked him up and started to drive home the 40 minute drive, on the way there were cops slowly passing us the entire way home. He had drugs on him and I asked repeatedly to throw them out the window, me being caught with him in the car and him having drugs could make this already insane situation even worse.
Why I even went to get him is beyond me now, I should have let him deal with this on his own but at the time I could not even process what was going on.
When we got home police came from the side street swarming our house, they had been driving by and waiting for his return. The neighbor had told us they came by with flash lights and were looking in our backyard and windows. It was terrifying, I have never had any interaction with the police before, never even been pulled over so to have cops all over the road and driveway was a lot. To be the spectacle neighbor was embarrassing, to see the person I love put me in this situation, was horrific.
One officer on scene had asked me the location of where I picked him up, he had watched him get into my car, I remember watching a police officer drive by slowly staring at me. They threatened to arrest me for helping him get away.
They stuck him in the back of a cop car to get his statement but because he was at home before they found him, they could not charge him with a DUI but charged him with everything else they could think of. He hired a lawyer and all charges were dropped.
I will never forget what the one police officer said to me, “You are a good person, I can tell and this man is a runner, a no good man. When the going gets tough he will always run instead of fighting.” That has stuck with me 4 years later, he was right.
After this night, I started to go down the rabbit hole with my spouse. I started drinking every night, going to work exhausted with a hangover all to come home and repeat the process together. His mood started to change, the person I loved was gone instead replaced by someone who was constantly moody and angry. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells around him, unless we were both drunk.
Once covid hit last year, it was an eye opener for myself. I did not recognize myself anymore, I did not like the person I was becoming. I was gaininging weight, I was tired all the time. So I made the decision to stop drinking - every once in a while I would still have a drink but found myself not wanting to go past the buzz stage, I had a taste of waking up in the morning feeling great and I craved that feeling. My partner on the other hand did not feel the same way, we started to drift apart, fast. I started to resent him when he was drunk, found him irritating and almost repulsed by him. I started to notice the only times he was lovey dovey to me or compliment me was when he was drunk, I started to hate the words he said to me cause in the morning they did not ring true.
It was not until September of last year did he make the decision to stop drinking during the week and only on weekends, I was excited for this, I thought I was finally going to get our lives back. The first few weeks were really hard, he was angry all the time, anxious, he told me alcohol was the only thing he could think about, I understood he was going through withdrawal, I encouraged him and gave him space when he needed to work through his thoughts on his own. A few months into this decision we were happy, everything seemed to be behind us until the “new Friday’s” started. Every weekend I now watch him drink a 24 case of beer and usually another 12 case and maybe some vodka on top of it. The next morning after a binge night of drinking, his mood is at an all time low, he looks and act depressed, his anxiety is through the roof, I have had family members comment if he is okay or needs help.
Then after the weekend the week continues, Monday I deal with him moody because of withdrawal, Tuesday he is exhausted and by Wednesday I see his life come back, the smiles, the twinkle in his eyes and amazing conversation and laughs we used to have together and then all to repeat the process on Friday. And here we are stuck in the vicious cycle.
His drinking triggers me, after so many years of dealing with it on a daily basis. I found myself counting the beers he was having, an unconscious pattern I had started, I found the sound of the beer can opening started this rage in myself that I could not contain. It is like I see red and cannot stop myself from pointing all of these things out that I was noticing, soon it would turn into blow out fights every time. I told him I could not be around him when he drinks, so most weekends I sit alone on the couch just listening to the beers open. I would tell myself not to go out to the garage and start telling him how many beers he had but I could not stop myself, as hard as I tried. I will sit on the couch all weekend like a ball of anxiety. Not being with him on the weekends has caused a major rift in our relationship, he will get mad and call me lazy for sitting on the couch every friday night and I feel stuck. I cannot be around him when he drinks and with covid there is nowhere else to go and I am so riddled with anxiety I just sit there numbly staring at the TV for hours.
His new thing is he likes to tell me this is a “me problem” the way i react to his drinking and lately if he brings any beer home on Fridays I just start yelling and crying, I can’t stop myself from acting this way. Once I have calmed down it is too late, the damage is done. I will go to apologize for my behaviour and try to explain I have felt fight or flight for so many years it is almost an automatic response at this point but I get the “Get away from me, F you, I can’t live like this anymore, I need to find someone who is just happy with me for who I am”
I broke a few weekends ago, a complete mental breakdown that lasted for hours. Most of my memories of that night are gone. I had decided to pack up all the booze in the house and put it away, out of sight out of mind. My partner did not like this and an argument broke out, I reacted in such a way it terrified me. Terrified me to my core, made me sit there and think who am I, what have I become, a shell of a person. This is not me, I have overcome so many extreme obstacles in my life and NEVER let them get me down or break me. I have proved to everyone that you do not have to be the person who lets life break them. Fight back and become stronger from experiences. But this, this has broken me.
I have made an appointment to talk to someone because at this point my own mental health is at an all time low, and it scares me. I am the type of person to wake up happy every morning, the person who feels like every day is a new day and now i find myself counting my good days.
I have a hard time walking away from him, I want to fight for him to have a better life to be the best version of himself. Alcohol addiction is a disease, how do you just walk away from someone without fighting tooth and nail to help them. He has a good job, works very hard to provide a really amazing life for the both of us, I just wish he could enjoy the life he works so hard to build with me.
But when is enough enough?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear Confused
Just like the alcoholic, we codependents have to decide for ourselves when "enough is enough." We too have to "hit bottom."
If you wish, please read the stickies posted at the top of this section. You will see that this disease has traits that are shared by all.
We are here to support you.
Just like the alcoholic, we codependents have to decide for ourselves when "enough is enough." We too have to "hit bottom."
If you wish, please read the stickies posted at the top of this section. You will see that this disease has traits that are shared by all.
We are here to support you.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
You will know when enough is enough, I suspect you are approaching that point. When the pain of leaving becomes less than the pain of staying you will go. I did. I was with my ex for 26 years when I finally decided I could not continue to live that way. His predictable behavior was getting worse and my "less than stellar" reactions to it were too. The anxiety was intolerable. I was barely functioning as a human being, a shell of my former self. I was on autopilot just to get through my days and a complete quivering wreck when not at work. I lived in constant fear of his drunk driving and threats of suicide...anger at his choices and frustration at what our lives had become. I was a Mess.
Eventually I got some help from a doctor, read "Codependent No More" and pretty much camped out here on Sober Recovery Friends & Family. I came to understand that all my caring for, spying on and protecting my husband had not helped him, had probably even hurt him. All my crying, begging, fighting, yelling, passive aggressiveness, threatening, ultimatums (and the list goes on, I tried EVERYTHING) did not work to fix what was broken in "my man". I couldn't love him better, I tried for years, it didn't help him any and it certainly had hurt me, a lot. I was completely depleted in every sense of the word. Once I realized I had to change my own behavior things started to get a bit better, but my anxiety did not go away until after I finally moved out.
It was/is the hardest most painful thing that I have ever had to do in my almost 50 years of life. There were times I didn't think it would be possible to bear the grief. How can a human feel that kind of pain and survive? ...But it is possible because I, and so many others here, are walking, talking proof that it can be done.
We were 42 years old, our kids were 16 and 20... I looked a decade down the line, then two, then four and didn't like what I saw coming. I wasn't willing to give up the second half of my life to that kind of doom and gloom. I had meant my marriage vows when I said them, and they kept me stuck in a very dysfunctional relationship far longer than I should have been there. Love is not enough. There has to be trust and there has to be respect. I didn't trust him and he wasn't respecting me. How do you not have anxiety when you don't trust your mate on several levels? How do you have a healthy relationship when they are not showing you respect? I personally, could not continue in that hell. Not only had my marriage become something I didn't recognize, so had I and that was scary. Scarier even than losing my husband was the knowledge that I was losing myself. He wasn't willing to do the work we needed to do to save our marriage, so to save myself, despite how absolutely terrified I was, I abandoned ship.
I told you all that so you will know that I understand how you are feeling right now. I know my words don't help your situation, but I hope you do get some comfort knowing there are those of us to who truly do get what you are going through right now, and we care.
The solution to my situation was to end the marriage. That is not everyone's solution. Some couples manage to make their marriages work, usually both parties need to be on board about recovery for that to be a healthy resolution. Other's manage to find a way to make it work even when one of them insists on drinking away their lives. It is a very personal decision. I hope you will continue to hang out with us and talk through things as you find the next right steps on your path.
Eventually I got some help from a doctor, read "Codependent No More" and pretty much camped out here on Sober Recovery Friends & Family. I came to understand that all my caring for, spying on and protecting my husband had not helped him, had probably even hurt him. All my crying, begging, fighting, yelling, passive aggressiveness, threatening, ultimatums (and the list goes on, I tried EVERYTHING) did not work to fix what was broken in "my man". I couldn't love him better, I tried for years, it didn't help him any and it certainly had hurt me, a lot. I was completely depleted in every sense of the word. Once I realized I had to change my own behavior things started to get a bit better, but my anxiety did not go away until after I finally moved out.
It was/is the hardest most painful thing that I have ever had to do in my almost 50 years of life. There were times I didn't think it would be possible to bear the grief. How can a human feel that kind of pain and survive? ...But it is possible because I, and so many others here, are walking, talking proof that it can be done.
We were 42 years old, our kids were 16 and 20... I looked a decade down the line, then two, then four and didn't like what I saw coming. I wasn't willing to give up the second half of my life to that kind of doom and gloom. I had meant my marriage vows when I said them, and they kept me stuck in a very dysfunctional relationship far longer than I should have been there. Love is not enough. There has to be trust and there has to be respect. I didn't trust him and he wasn't respecting me. How do you not have anxiety when you don't trust your mate on several levels? How do you have a healthy relationship when they are not showing you respect? I personally, could not continue in that hell. Not only had my marriage become something I didn't recognize, so had I and that was scary. Scarier even than losing my husband was the knowledge that I was losing myself. He wasn't willing to do the work we needed to do to save our marriage, so to save myself, despite how absolutely terrified I was, I abandoned ship.
I told you all that so you will know that I understand how you are feeling right now. I know my words don't help your situation, but I hope you do get some comfort knowing there are those of us to who truly do get what you are going through right now, and we care.
The solution to my situation was to end the marriage. That is not everyone's solution. Some couples manage to make their marriages work, usually both parties need to be on board about recovery for that to be a healthy resolution. Other's manage to find a way to make it work even when one of them insists on drinking away their lives. It is a very personal decision. I hope you will continue to hang out with us and talk through things as you find the next right steps on your path.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Glad to have you join us here, sorry for what brings you here though.
Enough will be enough when you feel is the right time to remove yourself from the situation. Please do what is best for you. Have a read around this forum, I think you will see your story reflected.
Enough will be enough when you feel is the right time to remove yourself from the situation. Please do what is best for you. Have a read around this forum, I think you will see your story reflected.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 336
Hi, confused, it’s nice to meet you!
Addiction is an exhausting and terrifying disease that looks/sounds/feels exactly like your loved one (because it is a part of them), while simultaneously fighting to destroy your loved one—and whatever else it needs to along the way. I am still learning about it everyday. And reading different threads and the stickies on this forum have really helped me learn and feel more grounded in all the craziness. I hope they help you, too.
If fighting for your loved one is what you want, then it REALLY helps to understand the disease. Sometimes, walking away IS part of the process. A sustainable recovery typically requires the person themselves to really commit to the lifelong work of recovery and battling addiction. It has to come from within. Our “help” often doesn’t help. More often than not it enables them to continue by protecting them from the true costs of their addiction. “I don’t really have a problem, my [insert substance] use hasn’t affected my job or my relationship or my health or my arrest record…” etc. Addiction is crafty and can turn all the wheel-spinning we do to help “fight for” our loved one into more ways to get them deeper into the quicksand.
For me, it’s not about fighting harder, but fighting smarter. I have to remind myself all the time that things that work in a healthy relationship don’t work in a relationship with an active addict. Heck, even tried-and-true, healthy patterns that made my relationship with my husband great when he was sober, ended up hurting us both after he relapsed.
And lastly, fighting for your own safety, sanity, and serenity is hugely important. Think of the oxygen masks in an airplane—there’s a reason they tell you to put your own on first before helping anybody else. You’re no use to anyone if you can’t breathe. Addiction will twist your loved one’s reality like a Rubik’s cube, and then will try to convince you of the same twisted reality to seek validation and reinforce its control over your lives.
It’s true—your problem with the pain and the chaos his drinking/drugs are causing is a “you problem.” Because he is willing to accept the pain and chaos he is causing himself and others (including you!) if it means keeping drink in his life. It’s not a problem for him, it’s a tradeoff he’s willing to make. And no one can change his mind about that but him. However, it’s okay if that is a problem for you! You don’t have to accept all this awful craziness in your life. No reasonable person would expect you to. You can’t control him and change his mind for him so he sees the problem. But you CAN decide what kind of a life you want for yourself. If this isn’t it, then you have a perfectly reasonable problem, and a responsibility to yourself to take care of yourself.
Addiction is an exhausting and terrifying disease that looks/sounds/feels exactly like your loved one (because it is a part of them), while simultaneously fighting to destroy your loved one—and whatever else it needs to along the way. I am still learning about it everyday. And reading different threads and the stickies on this forum have really helped me learn and feel more grounded in all the craziness. I hope they help you, too.
Originally Posted by confusedasever 
I have a hard time walking away from him, I want to fight for him to have a better life to be the best version of himself. Alcohol addiction is a disease, how do you just walk away from someone without fighting tooth and nail to help them.
For me, it’s not about fighting harder, but fighting smarter. I have to remind myself all the time that things that work in a healthy relationship don’t work in a relationship with an active addict. Heck, even tried-and-true, healthy patterns that made my relationship with my husband great when he was sober, ended up hurting us both after he relapsed.
And lastly, fighting for your own safety, sanity, and serenity is hugely important. Think of the oxygen masks in an airplane—there’s a reason they tell you to put your own on first before helping anybody else. You’re no use to anyone if you can’t breathe. Addiction will twist your loved one’s reality like a Rubik’s cube, and then will try to convince you of the same twisted reality to seek validation and reinforce its control over your lives.
It’s true—your problem with the pain and the chaos his drinking/drugs are causing is a “you problem.” Because he is willing to accept the pain and chaos he is causing himself and others (including you!) if it means keeping drink in his life. It’s not a problem for him, it’s a tradeoff he’s willing to make. And no one can change his mind about that but him. However, it’s okay if that is a problem for you! You don’t have to accept all this awful craziness in your life. No reasonable person would expect you to. You can’t control him and change his mind for him so he sees the problem. But you CAN decide what kind of a life you want for yourself. If this isn’t it, then you have a perfectly reasonable problem, and a responsibility to yourself to take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
I'm sorry, my friend. We really cannot fight for another person's life the way you want to. He has to save himself. And he's right. He doesn't have a problem with his drinking, you do. So you're fighting a fight he doesn't have any interest in. It's time to take a step back and ask what you want out of life, and whether you can realistically expect to have that with him.
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Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through and I hope you can find some support and comfort in knowing that you’re not alone.
One way to consider looking at it…you are thinking that you can fight with him against his addiction. In the reality of addiction, it’s him and his alcohol fighting YOU and anything/anyone else that might interfere. It’s two against one and, sadly, the one is you.
Wishing you well.
One way to consider looking at it…you are thinking that you can fight with him against his addiction. In the reality of addiction, it’s him and his alcohol fighting YOU and anything/anyone else that might interfere. It’s two against one and, sadly, the one is you.
Wishing you well.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Originally Posted by confusedasever
But when is enough enough?
For a person with an addiction, quitting is very hard. It can really only be achieved if the person is willing and really ready to turn things around.
This is not a great analogy - but imagine you gained 20 lbs and your husband decided this was not good for you. He sees you are not happy about it, can't fit in to your clothes, won't go for evening walks. So when you come home from work and have a look in the cupboard for a before dinner snack, you find it empty because he has moved all snacks. You get put out and tell him that's not right and an argument ensues and he tells you how your not eating right is causing him stress and you need to fix this before you destroy everything!
Again, not a great analogy, but how do you think that would go?
The person who is trying to "help" now becomes the enemy.
Now, of course, alcoholism is much more complicated than that simple story, in that it actually changes the brain and of course when the person drinks it, they change. But you get the idea.
You are now the enemy. He is in a relationship with alcohol and you are trying to come between him and it.
So that's him.
What about you? Alcoholism is progressive. Right now it seems that he is not interested in quitting drinking. Your decision is, do you continue on like this (sacrificing your wellbeing).
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's).
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