Wow! Wow!!!ugh... I'm disgusted
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NY, ny
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Wow! Wow!!!ugh... I'm disgusted
So my AH said "as my wife, all you have done is complain for the past 20 years".. then I stated that the only complaint I always have is that you drink wayyyy too much...then he replied "what is it about my drinking that causes you problems"??????? How on earth do you even answer that? Is it stupid to entertain the idea of wanting to answer that? I'm so frigging disgusted.
Loveblue......actually, I think that it would be futile to even try to give an answer to that question. The fact that he even can ask such a blind question makes it clear that the two of you aren't even close to being on the same page----maybe, not even on the same planet.
He sees alcohol as the solution, while you see it as the problem.
He sees alcohol as the solution, while you see it as the problem.
Hello Love Blue
Sorry you have this going on. I agree it is pointless to engage. An alcoholic needs to keep their denial intact so you trying to point out reality will just likely create him digging in further.
I would encourage you to look at what you want from life. I found the Al-anon program an enormous help to me. It helps us detach from the alcoholic behaviours and build our lives. All the best to you.
Sorry you have this going on. I agree it is pointless to engage. An alcoholic needs to keep their denial intact so you trying to point out reality will just likely create him digging in further.
I would encourage you to look at what you want from life. I found the Al-anon program an enormous help to me. It helps us detach from the alcoholic behaviours and build our lives. All the best to you.
You might find these articles interesting if you haven't seen them before: Excuses Alcoholics Make
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- I'm not hurting anybody but myself!
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- I'd be OK if it weren't for you!
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Hey Loveblue, your AH sounds like a classic alcoholic. This is how they think and talk.
I suppose if you could have an alcoholic think clearly and put them on truth serum, they would probably say something along the lines of, "Drinking is the most important thing in the world to me. I want to keep drinking without anyone interfering.".
This would be their bare bones truth. Not what any of us want to hear but I do think it is good for us to understand this is probably how they are operating. Our job is to figure out, given this truth, what we want to do. We can stay knowing this is how they are and they will get worse or we can do something different that works better for us. Making this decision and acting on it is really really difficult.
I suppose if you could have an alcoholic think clearly and put them on truth serum, they would probably say something along the lines of, "Drinking is the most important thing in the world to me. I want to keep drinking without anyone interfering.".
This would be their bare bones truth. Not what any of us want to hear but I do think it is good for us to understand this is probably how they are operating. Our job is to figure out, given this truth, what we want to do. We can stay knowing this is how they are and they will get worse or we can do something different that works better for us. Making this decision and acting on it is really really difficult.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NY, ny
Posts: 28
Hey Loveblue, your AH sounds like a classic alcoholic. This is how they think and talk.
I suppose if you could have an alcoholic think clearly and put them on truth serum, they would probably say something along the lines of, "Drinking is the most important thing in the world to me. I want to keep drinking without anyone interfering.".
This would be their bare bones truth. Not what any of us want to hear but I do think it is good for us to understand this is probably how they are operating. Our job is to figure out, given this truth, what we want to do. We can stay knowing this is how they are and they will get worse or we can do something different that works better for us. Making this decision and acting on it is really really difficult.
I suppose if you could have an alcoholic think clearly and put them on truth serum, they would probably say something along the lines of, "Drinking is the most important thing in the world to me. I want to keep drinking without anyone interfering.".
This would be their bare bones truth. Not what any of us want to hear but I do think it is good for us to understand this is probably how they are operating. Our job is to figure out, given this truth, what we want to do. We can stay knowing this is how they are and they will get worse or we can do something different that works better for us. Making this decision and acting on it is really really difficult.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NY, ny
Posts: 28
it really is insane and honestly, I think I'm starting to obsess over his stupid comments and him complaining that I'm complaining about his drinking. I can't do crazy anymore...
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: NY, ny
Posts: 28
At this point, I am so grateful and find tremendous comfort in knowing I am not alone. I too am stuck in this in-between stage of not knowing if I should/have to leave. I am leaning more towards leaving. I am going to create a new post on a recent happening.....ugh....i feel sick about it.
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