Frustrated and feeling lost
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Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 83
Frustrated and feeling lost
I posted for my first time here about a week ago. At the time my AH was on another bender. During which he missed a court date he asked for to end his probation from a DUI. He was supposed to be done in a few months ago but due to Covid they extended it since he could not complete jail time while they we closed for temporary inmates. His PO contacted me when he wouldn't answer her and was a no show. She told me she thought he was drinking by texts he sent her the day before court. She was wanting him to return her calls of course. I was at work and just gave vague responses and assured I would relay her concerns and messages. He called 2 days later after sobering up, got scolded and told he was off probation!
I don't expect her to "fix" him but why not pull back from helping him get off probation knowing he was in violation?? I chose not to report the truth because as she proved, they have not held him accountable for his actions the whole time. I also feared if he found out I "tattled" then I'd pay the price-whatever that might be to him.
It frustrates me to no end how he always gets off easy, no worse case scenarios. He gets slaps on the wrist every time. I don't know how he can hit rock bottom when he always gets saved from it. Maybe even I save him because I haven't left (not that I don't plan to) or enable him? Is he one of those who never hit rock bottom??
He's now back drinking for however long this go around. He said he was going to have a sober Christmas/December to reclaim all the activities he's missed in prior years while drunk or sick coming off a bender. I'm disappointed but not surprised. He only really wants to be sober when he's tired if being drunk. But he won't do the hard work of staying sober.
I realize I need to help myself for co-dependence. I read the book often recommended here a lot and did learn a lot. I struggle living my life in spite of his drinking. I go to work and come home that's it. I have no friends to hang out with. I have very little family-none that know my real "life". I have lived a facade for so long but so sick of it. Maybe it's me who hit rock bottom first. As I mentioned in my first thread I have no way to save money and am finding something to rent on my own in my budget is non-existent.
I don't expect her to "fix" him but why not pull back from helping him get off probation knowing he was in violation?? I chose not to report the truth because as she proved, they have not held him accountable for his actions the whole time. I also feared if he found out I "tattled" then I'd pay the price-whatever that might be to him.It frustrates me to no end how he always gets off easy, no worse case scenarios. He gets slaps on the wrist every time. I don't know how he can hit rock bottom when he always gets saved from it. Maybe even I save him because I haven't left (not that I don't plan to) or enable him? Is he one of those who never hit rock bottom??
He's now back drinking for however long this go around. He said he was going to have a sober Christmas/December to reclaim all the activities he's missed in prior years while drunk or sick coming off a bender. I'm disappointed but not surprised. He only really wants to be sober when he's tired if being drunk. But he won't do the hard work of staying sober.
I realize I need to help myself for co-dependence. I read the book often recommended here a lot and did learn a lot. I struggle living my life in spite of his drinking. I go to work and come home that's it. I have no friends to hang out with. I have very little family-none that know my real "life". I have lived a facade for so long but so sick of it. Maybe it's me who hit rock bottom first. As I mentioned in my first thread I have no way to save money and am finding something to rent on my own in my budget is non-existent.
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