Wombaticus

Hi all. I moved out of the family home away from AH 3 weeks ago today. I'm loving my apartment. I feel safe and cosy. Kid 1 has had an awful time and has required hospital care. We are navigating our new life carefully, and getting lots of support.
I'm crying a lot, mainly over my loss of identity, which i wasn't expecting. Moving away from AH has been hard. There's the practicalities of setting up a place, things to buy, a new neighborhood to navigate. I can't find anything on the supermarket shelves as its all so unfamiliar.

On the other hand, I'm grateful to have this time in life to just be me. I need it. I'm in charge of my own thoughts, money, opinions. I've noticed that i haven't stood in front of the mirror and criticised myself since i moved. It may be because I have been too busy, but I think its deeper than that.
I feel quite broken - emotionally and physically drained - but I know that will improve over time and I will become stronger.
I didn't come this far to just come this far.
x wombat

dandylion

Wombaticus----I think you are doing great! I think that we can all relate to adjusting to a new environment and new roles. It sure does feel strange to be separated from our familiar habits and routines.
rest assured that, given some time---we humans are wired to be adaptable, and we grab onto a new normal pretty well---otherwise, our species would never have survived.
I think you will be amazed at how much your own self confidence will grow. as well as your ability to enjoy your own life, for a change.

LumenandNyx

Nothing ever stays the same. Go figure. Time has this uncanny way of - changing stuff - including our own feelings and perceptions.

trailmix

I was reading an article the other day about fatigue when you aren't really up to much (as in people laid off during this pandemic).

It was interesting to note that people can be exhausted by moving out of their regular routine (which we already knew!) but the other thing is, making decisions is a huge energy drain. It's why we like routine (to some extent). You don't have to make decisions every day about what you are doing, you get up and follow your routine, go to work, make dinner etc etc. By moving out of that we are forced to make decisions and lots of them and that drains energy!

So feeling overwhelmed at the supermarket is completely understandable. Honestly, even I find it a huge chore now, dodging people, waiting while others shop before moving etc etc. I usually exit the store feeling both sad (why aren't people taking more care) and angry (why aren't people taking more care!) Many things in your life right now are requiring decisions and some of them are big.

You are doing so well, although you may not feel that way every day, honestly Wombaticus, you are a champion. I hope when you look in the mirror now you are saying - "I'm alright".

I really hope Kid 1 can soon push through this challenging time and find some contentment.

SmallButMighty

Thank you for updating Wom. I love that you are striving forward despite the the growing pains. I remember them well. It's a VERY uncomfortable time, but as you are already realizing, it is such a relief and a blessing to be out of the chaos. I had depended on AXH for so many little...(and not so little things)... it was a challenge to figure out how to do these things all on my own (or pay someone else to do them).. but I soon realized (and I think you are too) that I didn't NEED him. Missing him was a whole other ball of wax. but I'd been missing him for so long (years of living "together" in loneliness) it wasn't really all that different, his body just wasn't in the room any longer.

I know it's not easy, but you have the perfect attitude! You are 100% right... you didn't come this far to ONLY come this far... you will keep forging forward and your life will get lighter and lovelier as you do. I'm so proud of you!

I'm sorry your son is still struggling. I do think that as the dust settles so will his emotional issues. My son had some troubles in his t'weens and early teens that he did conquer is his later teens... which was "ironically" when AXH and I split. (Even though he took his Dad's side.. I think the fact the tensions, strains and secrets at home were over with was far better for his mental health, whether he agrees yet or not). It is awesome that you have support systems in place for both of you while you face this challenge.

I love hearing updates like this Wom, thank you so much for keeping us up to date! *hugs*

Wombaticus

Thanks everyone. 😘😘😘

Nd819

Big hugs Wombaticus, you have so much on your plate yet you seem to be navigating this new life with such grace and strength. Change is hard, even in good circumstances, I love your attitude of growth.

Wombaticus

I keep reminding myself that I am one day closer to a more calm and settled time. It definately feels like 2 steps forward, 1.5 steps back, but at least it is still forward.
Although i miss aspects of the life i left behind, there's not much looking back going on. I'm not looking too far into the future, but it's ok to just take each moment as it comes. In fact, i think that's essential.
Its 4 weeks tomorrow since I left. Glad i will never have to have those weeks ever again!!!!

Wombaticus

Trailmix, i loved your reassuring info about being tired from change. I'm sleeping heavily (except when i wake up at odd times with my heart racing), and its hard to wake up in the morning. One day i will have more energy!!