AH has a month under his belt
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Originally Posted by Derringer 
Hi PW
That is a great summation of the problem in that last sentence.
Glad to hear you have recovered with the steps 😊
I hope that your efforts may be an example to your guy 🙏 but it's always a 50/50 thing.
Denial and good old fashioned pig headedness are often our downfall 🙄
Prayers to you and all the best with everything.
That is a great summation of the problem in that last sentence.
Glad to hear you have recovered with the steps 😊
I hope that your efforts may be an example to your guy 🙏 but it's always a 50/50 thing.
Denial and good old fashioned pig headedness are often our downfall 🙄
Prayers to you and all the best with everything.
I have a lot more work to do on myself but I feel progress is happening. My sponsor is a "real alcoholic" so this helped me to understand my husband more.
All the best to you.
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Originally Posted by trailmix
Yes, I'm not surprised that you say that either. Some alcoholics are much nicer when drinking than they are when trying to quit or even just going a few days without alcohol.
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Originally Posted by pizza67
mines an a hole either way but worse with booze lol
I left my former husband who was an a*hole (in my opinion).
He was not a drinker but had a raft of other issues however because I did not work on myself and change my outlook and attitude to life, I quickly found myself another one! With similar character traits just a different face.
My caring suggestion to you would be to look within yourself and work out why you go for a*holes when there are loads of lovely healthy partners out there for us to pick!
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Hello all
Thought I would post a little update. We have plenty of time on our hands at present, of course.
I am good, learning a lot. So AH been back on the booze for several weeks. It is now like he never quit. We got our normal routine back.
I was thinking thank goodness he didn't quit and have his couple weeks as an angry, dry drunk during this Lockdown.
Trapped in a home with a dry drunk. Yikes!
Thought I would post a little update. We have plenty of time on our hands at present, of course.
I am good, learning a lot. So AH been back on the booze for several weeks. It is now like he never quit. We got our normal routine back.
I was thinking thank goodness he didn't quit and have his couple weeks as an angry, dry drunk during this Lockdown.
Trapped in a home with a dry drunk. Yikes!
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Yep. Dry drunk during lockdown sucks.
Yep that’s what I had. Until “spring break” and then I got a “wet drunk”. Who viciously unloaded on all of us last night. Today he texts me (from within the same house) asking me how he can apologize if he feels that what we did was even worse than what he said, and he’s still “deeply hurt.”
I took everyone here’s advice—detach. I said I don’t think you want to hear what I think, and declined to engage further. 😁👏
I took everyone here’s advice—detach. I said I don’t think you want to hear what I think, and declined to engage further. 😁👏Member
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Originally Posted by pizza67
Yep that’s what I had. Until “spring break” and then I got a “wet drunk”. Who viciously unloaded on all of us last night. Today he texts me (from within the same house) asking me how he can apologize if he feels that what we did was even worse than what he said, and he’s still “deeply hurt.” I took everyone here’s advice—detach. I said I don’t think you want to hear what I think, and declined to engage further. 😁👏
I took everyone here’s advice—detach. I said I don’t think you want to hear what I think, and declined to engage further. 😁👏Good you detached. Now I'm a recovering codie, I don't have any time for tantrums from others.
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I am a recovering codie too.
I have learnt that to give a reaction is to give a gift.
A gift the addict can use to their full advantage.
To not react is to protect myself and my sanity.
It is 50/50 in this insane game. I own my half.
I have learnt that to give a reaction is to give a gift.
A gift the addict can use to their full advantage.
To not react is to protect myself and my sanity.
It is 50/50 in this insane game. I own my half.
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I think I have shared this link before but well worth me sharing again.
An absolute life changer especially for us codies who have been trained from childhood to pander and respond to the rubbish.
I feel is similar but sort of more updated than Al-anon's "Detach with love". That was my first source of help.
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-...3/medium-chill
I love the website this is from. Out of the Fog. So many helpful tools on there. Great forum too.
An absolute life changer especially for us codies who have been trained from childhood to pander and respond to the rubbish.
I feel is similar but sort of more updated than Al-anon's "Detach with love". That was my first source of help.
https://outofthefog.website/what-to-...3/medium-chill
I love the website this is from. Out of the Fog. So many helpful tools on there. Great forum too.
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PW I wish I was far enough along to embrace your attitude, sadly, it's still a struggle for me. I will say you brought up a very good point, I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with AH nightly drinking but I think you are right, a dry drunk would be much worse. At lease for now we are coexisting in a pretty peaceful place. Need to work on bringing the focus back to my own growth.
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Originally Posted by Nd819
PW I wish I was far enough along to embrace your attitude, sadly, it's still a struggle for me. I will say you brought up a very good point, I'm becoming increasingly frustrated with AH nightly drinking but I think you are right, a dry drunk would be much worse. At lease for now we are coexisting in a pretty peaceful place. Need to work on bringing the focus back to my own growth.
I am sorry to hear of your situation but glad you are able for the time being to co-exist in some peace.
I think a lot of us who are with drinkers, at first we think it is all THEM! Well if they did this this this and this, then I would be ok.
When I first attended Al-anon, my finger was firmly pointing at AH. However as I learnt and progressed, I really do see it is about ME. Why with all the people there are in the world, why did I pick a drinker? This is not my first relationship with an addict!
I am loving this journey. It is the painful, gut wrenching times that bring me the most change and growth.
Glad to have you walking alongside me.
Hope it remains peaceful in your home.
With the help of Al-anon, I learnt that I do not have to go rushing into any invitations to a fight.
Growing up my family's main hobby was fighting, arguing, picking fault, demeaning. I do not have to do this any more.
Take care
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