What IS recovery? Addiction by Russell Brand

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02-02-2020, 05:54 AM

# 21 (permalink)

FWN

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Join Date: Jun 2019

Posts: 316

I am Magine that way of thinking takes a lot of therapy work and a lot of inner strength that I know I do not have right now. It all makes me so sad. Sad something that is legal and you think is stupid and harmless as your younger self can you completely destroy your life when you’re older.

02-02-2020, 06:03 AM

# 22 (permalink)

TropicalWinter

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Join Date: Nov 2015

Location: Midwest

Posts: 367

Thank you for the book recommendation. I just used my January Audible credit for it.

02-02-2020, 07:03 AM

# 23 (permalink)

FallenAngelina

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Join Date: Apr 2017

Location: Long Island, NY

Posts: 821

Quote:

Originally Posted by FWN

I just feel like I’m giving up on a person that I love very much and almost dooming them to a miserable life whereas if I held on a little longer they may see the light and change their ways.

It's not possible to doom an able bodied, able minded adult to a miserable life. It's just not possible. Misery is always the choice of the person feeling miserable. It's also not possible to save someone from his own misery. Likewise, changing his ways, AKA recovery, is no guarantee that your marriage will be "saved," either. Lots comes up during recovery that has been long buried. Recovery guarantees nothing except more honesty and less inner turmoil. Recovery for the alcoholic and recovery for those of us who love an alcoholic is largely about embracing and allowing freedom of choice in ourselves and in the people we love. Learning more about the many choices available to you and to him will be what lifts you out of this bondage of guilt about giving up on him.

His life was never in your hands and yours was never in his, although it certainly can feel this way. There are many, many alternatives to misery that are available to each and every one of us in every moment of every day. Which choice we make is always up to us.

02-02-2020, 07:51 AM

# 24 (permalink)

August252015

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Join Date: Aug 2015

Location: Atlanta

Posts: 8,674

I love this thread and FWN - you helped me by starting it as now my journey includes a stepson in early recovery. Now I'm in the "parent role" to the active user/early-maybe-in-recovery person.

Also, the book Living Sober is a great and easy read about the first yr. I always suggest it to those starting sobriety and their significant others. I love that you are seeking to understand. That is NOT a linear process, IME and observation.

And for me, reading (great) books on recovery did have an impact as I was toying with getting sober but that didn't equate to a where I am at one year thing like you mentioned. It took me a LONG time to "get it."

Anna has a great reading list on one of the forums here, that I'd guess would be useful to you, too.