Things got wild!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 134
Clowery
Good plan - Go home when ah is left for his trip. Regroup and get yourself settled down. You’ve got a few days alone, use it to your advantage. Try to get a good sleep. Have that talk with the kids. Reach out to find you and kids a place to stay if you need too when ah comes home. Do not engage with the in laws. Get face to face interaction, either with a friend or al Anon or therapist.
Lots of great advice here......reread it often
Good plan - Go home when ah is left for his trip. Regroup and get yourself settled down. You’ve got a few days alone, use it to your advantage. Try to get a good sleep. Have that talk with the kids. Reach out to find you and kids a place to stay if you need too when ah comes home. Do not engage with the in laws. Get face to face interaction, either with a friend or al Anon or therapist.
Lots of great advice here......reread it often
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
the numerous threats of violence from AH and sister are VERY disturbing. and it sounds like this is a thing - recalling the threat of the mustard jar thru a window? that children were present and witnessed adults behaving so badly is tragic.
this has to stop. you know that down to your bones. make it so. you all need safety and security and sanity.
this has to stop. you know that down to your bones. make it so. you all need safety and security and sanity.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
Oh, the “you accused me of being drunk!” loophole.
It goes like this: he may have been drinking, sure but DRUNK? Never!!! That would mean he can’t handle his drinking, and he can’t admit that, ever.
In his mind, he’s drinking but not drunk so your boundary doesn’t apply and you’re the unreasonable one.
Sounds like his family is all in on that story, too.
I am so sorry for all this drama.
It goes like this: he may have been drinking, sure but DRUNK? Never!!! That would mean he can’t handle his drinking, and he can’t admit that, ever.
In his mind, he’s drinking but not drunk so your boundary doesn’t apply and you’re the unreasonable one.
Sounds like his family is all in on that story, too.
I am so sorry for all this drama.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Clowery…...I suggest that you contact the l ocal dv organization.....confidentially, of course.
They will help and support you.....and, your husband never needs to know.
They will help you even if your family is supportive.....
You and your children need all the help you can gather, from those who understand and are equipped to help you....
The reality is that you and the kids are on one page...on one side of the street...on one "team".....and, your husband and his family are on the alcoholism side of the street.....
they will not support you or understand you or cut you a break....
They will try to blame you for everything....
They will use your reactions to the abuse as "evidence" against you....
You will get no thanks, now, or ever for all that you have put up with....
You are I n a "no win" situation.....
This is how alcoholism works...and, it will only get worse....
Call the dv center, lean on your therapist, attend alanon meetings, educate yourself on this forum, and ask your family for their support.....
This is your only chance to get peace and clarity of mind.....
They will help and support you.....and, your husband never needs to know.
They will help you even if your family is supportive.....
You and your children need all the help you can gather, from those who understand and are equipped to help you....
The reality is that you and the kids are on one page...on one side of the street...on one "team".....and, your husband and his family are on the alcoholism side of the street.....
they will not support you or understand you or cut you a break....
They will try to blame you for everything....
They will use your reactions to the abuse as "evidence" against you....
You will get no thanks, now, or ever for all that you have put up with....
You are I n a "no win" situation.....
This is how alcoholism works...and, it will only get worse....
Call the dv center, lean on your therapist, attend alanon meetings, educate yourself on this forum, and ask your family for their support.....
This is your only chance to get peace and clarity of mind.....
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 51
I have just been here and did excerpt the same I flipped !!
ovrr Xmas while having his son over night he thought he’d tell me about a girl he slept with when we was apart and I got all the details !!! I knew he just wanted a reaction I just laughed and said I haven’t slept with other people then I was the dirty bag for saying what I said !! Haha go figure next night of drinking he tries again to get a bite goes on about how bad I am as a pardon not him me and all my faults he got a rise out of me and I flipped but I threw a cup at him and it smashed against the wall behind his head and yes you guest it he sits there saying oh well can’t see why your getting like that no need for that !! Blah blah blah I had had enough of the twisting the manipulating the abuse I’ve not got a problem you have !! He turned me into something I never want to be again a mad woman !!!!! In the morning he gets up all nice I’m totally drained emotionally says oh your gonna be late for work yep cos u kept me up till 5 on a Tuesday night drinking then he changed and it was all my fault they can’t take responsibility for there own actions so they try and make you look the bad one.
You did the right thing !! I have done the right thing and escaped the crazy train they don’t change I hope you find peace in your life and that’s exactly my plan now peace and happiness.
ovrr Xmas while having his son over night he thought he’d tell me about a girl he slept with when we was apart and I got all the details !!! I knew he just wanted a reaction I just laughed and said I haven’t slept with other people then I was the dirty bag for saying what I said !! Haha go figure next night of drinking he tries again to get a bite goes on about how bad I am as a pardon not him me and all my faults he got a rise out of me and I flipped but I threw a cup at him and it smashed against the wall behind his head and yes you guest it he sits there saying oh well can’t see why your getting like that no need for that !! Blah blah blah I had had enough of the twisting the manipulating the abuse I’ve not got a problem you have !! He turned me into something I never want to be again a mad woman !!!!! In the morning he gets up all nice I’m totally drained emotionally says oh your gonna be late for work yep cos u kept me up till 5 on a Tuesday night drinking then he changed and it was all my fault they can’t take responsibility for there own actions so they try and make you look the bad one.
You did the right thing !! I have done the right thing and escaped the crazy train they don’t change I hope you find peace in your life and that’s exactly my plan now peace and happiness.
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