So sad tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 276
So sad tonight
So here I am sitting in the living room of my EX's rental...with DD laying on her lap. EXAW land lady sitting in the room....my EX sitting happily.
I am stewing. The years lost. The memory of hurts and pain and anguish...and I sit here, babysitting her. I am struggling to move forward. When will it click for me, I just don't know. She is starting rehab on Friday. I get these crazy feelings of reconcilliation and simultaneously I get the feeling of run away and don't look back. I can't understand how things are still so black and white for me. Sorry to vent off here.
I am stewing. The years lost. The memory of hurts and pain and anguish...and I sit here, babysitting her. I am struggling to move forward. When will it click for me, I just don't know. She is starting rehab on Friday. I get these crazy feelings of reconcilliation and simultaneously I get the feeling of run away and don't look back. I can't understand how things are still so black and white for me. Sorry to vent off here.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I think for the moment the important thing is both you and your Ex follow your own recovery journey, wood4trees.
Without that recovery journey there's no chance of happy endings.
Its good your Ex is doing something for her recovery - hows your situation going?
D
Without that recovery journey there's no chance of happy endings.
Its good your Ex is doing something for her recovery - hows your situation going?
D
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: Northwest
Posts: 4,215
I was just thinking about you today and wondering how things were going..,
Some people are comfortable living a lie, like your wife. If facts don’t work, make up new ones...or ignore
the truth altogether,
Some people...like you, I believe.,,can’t stuff down reality that far. Sooner or later, your inner voice speaks up and wants to know why you’re going along trying to ******** yourself.
Authenticity and integrity are rare qualities. Don’t negate them by trying to lie to yourself or your daughter, no matter how pure your motives.
Listen to your gut, not your wishful thinking, yes?
Sending you hope for strength and clarity..,
Some people are comfortable living a lie, like your wife. If facts don’t work, make up new ones...or ignore
the truth altogether,
Some people...like you, I believe.,,can’t stuff down reality that far. Sooner or later, your inner voice speaks up and wants to know why you’re going along trying to ******** yourself.
Authenticity and integrity are rare qualities. Don’t negate them by trying to lie to yourself or your daughter, no matter how pure your motives.
Listen to your gut, not your wishful thinking, yes?
Sending you hope for strength and clarity..,
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
No need to apologize for venting.
Stewing? Just ruminating and feeling sad or a bit angry too?
You know, I don't know that you have really had the opportunity to heal much so far.
What you need is space and distance and instead you are sitting in a room with your ex while she gets to spend time with your Daughter.
Is there anyone else who could take over from you for any of the supervised visits? Your family member, hers, a trusted friend? I hope if there is you reach out for help. I don't know how long these visits are but hopefully you can find someone after she returns from rehab.
Once spring gets here perhaps more of these visits can take place in a park or some outdoor space where you don't just have to sit there. Perhaps even some at your place so you can exit the room (your place might be the best bet when not having a visit in public).
How long will she be in rehab?
Stewing? Just ruminating and feeling sad or a bit angry too?
You know, I don't know that you have really had the opportunity to heal much so far.
What you need is space and distance and instead you are sitting in a room with your ex while she gets to spend time with your Daughter.
Is there anyone else who could take over from you for any of the supervised visits? Your family member, hers, a trusted friend? I hope if there is you reach out for help. I don't know how long these visits are but hopefully you can find someone after she returns from rehab.
Once spring gets here perhaps more of these visits can take place in a park or some outdoor space where you don't just have to sit there. Perhaps even some at your place so you can exit the room (your place might be the best bet when not having a visit in public).
How long will she be in rehab?
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Woodlandlost…...I hear you.....
She will be gone to rehab for one month, after Friday....?
Then, you will have a month of more "freedom" for yourself.....
I suggest that you stay really busy, through the holidays.....that will help a bit...
During the month that she is in rehab, you will have time to firm up your own protective boundaries, while you have room to think. You can think, more, about what YOU want for yourself and your daughter as you move into the future....
Things are not going to stay the same...whether she grabs the brass ring of recovery, or doesn't......the reality is that there will be CHANGES for your wife, and for you....either way. The past status -quo will be gone.
Nothing stays static, you know....even if it does seem to plateau , at times....
Your task will be, I believe, to prepare yourself, and, be willing to face change....
What will that mean, for you...? Perhaps, more therapy....more strengthing your own boundaries, more study and learning,.....
And, more time honoring your grieving process------I' not kidding! I suspect that your are grieving, right now....grieving the loss of the relationship as you knew it----I think that is what your current kaleidoscope of emotions is about.
Alas, grieving takes it's own time.....actually, grieving is the first step of the eventual healing....
She will be gone to rehab for one month, after Friday....?
Then, you will have a month of more "freedom" for yourself.....
I suggest that you stay really busy, through the holidays.....that will help a bit...
During the month that she is in rehab, you will have time to firm up your own protective boundaries, while you have room to think. You can think, more, about what YOU want for yourself and your daughter as you move into the future....
Things are not going to stay the same...whether she grabs the brass ring of recovery, or doesn't......the reality is that there will be CHANGES for your wife, and for you....either way. The past status -quo will be gone.
Nothing stays static, you know....even if it does seem to plateau , at times....
Your task will be, I believe, to prepare yourself, and, be willing to face change....
What will that mean, for you...? Perhaps, more therapy....more strengthing your own boundaries, more study and learning,.....
And, more time honoring your grieving process------I' not kidding! I suspect that your are grieving, right now....grieving the loss of the relationship as you knew it----I think that is what your current kaleidoscope of emotions is about.
Alas, grieving takes it's own time.....actually, grieving is the first step of the eventual healing....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
I'm sorry you are having another rough patch WLL. Unfortunately it's all part of the ridiculously crappy process we all go through when we try to untangle our lives from that of an addict. None of it is fair. Especially when there is a child involved.
I hope it is not too confusing for your daughter to have this "family" time with both her parents. Do you think she is hoping for reconcilliation?
Your anger is understandable and normal. It took me a long time to get through that stage of my grieving process. Much longer than I wanted it to.
Hang in there friend. *hug*
I hope it is not too confusing for your daughter to have this "family" time with both her parents. Do you think she is hoping for reconcilliation?
Your anger is understandable and normal. It took me a long time to get through that stage of my grieving process. Much longer than I wanted it to.
Hang in there friend. *hug*
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
sorry, i'm confused. are you sitting at her apartment, babysitting HER until it's time to go to rehab?
i understand and appreciate how much you care, but PLEASE remember none of this is your JOB or DUTY. you've been chained to her addiction for quite some time now - you and DD. now your lives are on hold waiting until Friday............and she, the AW, gets to revel in being the center of everyone's attention, at her beck and call. be careful on how you "reward" her.............
wishing you all the best.
i understand and appreciate how much you care, but PLEASE remember none of this is your JOB or DUTY. you've been chained to her addiction for quite some time now - you and DD. now your lives are on hold waiting until Friday............and she, the AW, gets to revel in being the center of everyone's attention, at her beck and call. be careful on how you "reward" her.............
wishing you all the best.
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