Reconsidering Loneliness
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
LifeRecovery, I absolutely love your tone in these latest installments! Growth and enlightenment suit you.
I have had very similar revelations the last few years. I've definitely come to understand that it was the codependent influences on me as I was growing up that had much more impact on my life than the alcoholics. I didn't become an alcoholic, I became a codependent. I wish I had understood these things before I'd raised my children. It has been a painful journey, but one I am very glad to have undertaken. It really hurts something deep in my soul to realize the generations of dysfunction that came before me, it really hurts. (How codie am I taking on dead peoples emotional pain???) We are fortunate to be living in a time where be can find the resources, and accept the help we need to make the changes so that we don't pass what we now know to be poisonous to future generations. I am sad knowing my daughter has codependent tendencies, and that I contributed to that. The good news is, that she is aware of it. We talk about it, she educates herself about it and she is certainly making far wiser choices in her 20s than I did. She understands boundaries, self care and self reliance in a way I didn't understand until I was in my 40s. It's not perfection but it is progress, steps in the right direction.
Thank you again for these shares, you mentioned a few things that caught my attention and will make for good conversation when my daughter next approaches me on the subject. ( See how I now wait for her to come to me instead of impressing my thoughts on the matter onto her?... that's MY progress, hahahaha)
I have had very similar revelations the last few years. I've definitely come to understand that it was the codependent influences on me as I was growing up that had much more impact on my life than the alcoholics. I didn't become an alcoholic, I became a codependent. I wish I had understood these things before I'd raised my children. It has been a painful journey, but one I am very glad to have undertaken. It really hurts something deep in my soul to realize the generations of dysfunction that came before me, it really hurts. (How codie am I taking on dead peoples emotional pain???) We are fortunate to be living in a time where be can find the resources, and accept the help we need to make the changes so that we don't pass what we now know to be poisonous to future generations. I am sad knowing my daughter has codependent tendencies, and that I contributed to that. The good news is, that she is aware of it. We talk about it, she educates herself about it and she is certainly making far wiser choices in her 20s than I did. She understands boundaries, self care and self reliance in a way I didn't understand until I was in my 40s. It's not perfection but it is progress, steps in the right direction.
Thank you again for these shares, you mentioned a few things that caught my attention and will make for good conversation when my daughter next approaches me on the subject. ( See how I now wait for her to come to me instead of impressing my thoughts on the matter onto her?... that's MY progress, hahahaha)
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I would like to say how much I admire and appreciate the personal courage to face our own selves and do honest self assessments. Such as LifeRecovery and smallbutmighty have alluded to. That takes some deep digging. and, almost always come with some pain as we draw back the curtains on our own realities. It is much easier to climb Mount Everest.
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