Eauchiche

That "JADE" anagram comes to mind:
You don't have to
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

In my humble opinion, when people are old enough to use the restroom by themselves, they don't really need to be told why their friends have bailed on them.

PuzzledHeart

I had a friend of a somewhat similar ilk. One day I decided I had had enough. I didn't have "the talk" with her, because she had ghosted me first. By the time she had reached out to me again, I realized that my life was more than fine without her, and didn't respond back.

We shared mutual friends, so it did make things somewhat uncomfortable. However, I never said an ill word about her. I clucked sympathetically whenever someone complained about her, but that was pretty much it. I have no idea if she spoke ill of me, but am the past the point of caring. I don't wish her harm, although I do admit when hints of her "personality" come through in a public fashion, I allow myself a moment of "now everybody knows what I was talking about."

I say this because you may have a very strong temptation to get people on "your side" but I'm of the camp that you should just let the truth work its magic and be done with it. It will not be on your timeline - it may take years. But in the end, the energy you would have spent badmouthing her will be spent getting on with the rest of your life.

Eauchiche

With a bow to the late Erma Bombeck, I am contemplating writing a book entitled:
"When you must resist the urge to throw things at someone, it is time to go home."

AnvilheadII

dang Eauchiche, when you're on, you're ON!

so saveher....now that you have sent The Letter, can you now let the Hawaii incident go? take your lessons and move on?

Maudcat

She has the right to live her life, which includes making bad decisions.
And you have the right to call time when you want a break, temporary or otherwise.
She sounds like the kind of person who blames everyone for what has happened to her and can’t take responsibility for herself.
I have one like that, too. It’s my alcohol addicted brother.
He and I don’t talk anymore, which is kind of interesting, as he lives with my mother, whom I visit almost every day.
The alternative would be for me to experience deep rage every time we talk.

SaveHer

I say this because you may have a very strong temptation to get people on "your side" but I'm of the camp that you should just let the truth work its magic and be done with it.

Very smart, Puzzled. The other friend who was in Hawaii with us made a very admirable effort to remain neutral about everything--and who can blame her! About a week after we came home, she told me that our toxic friend had reached out to her, insisting that she should have done more to help the situation. My friend was up in arms! I just nodded, probably pretty smugly.

She sounds like the kind of person who blames everyone for what has happened to her and can’t take responsibility for herself.

Yes, very perceptive, Maudcat. She is ACOA. She, supposedly, worked the program and sought counseling and gets spiritual healings and goes to retreats that cost a fortune yet seem to help very little. Nothing seems to help much. It reminds me of AXBF so much it pains me.

now that you have sent The Letter, can you now let the Hawaii incident go? take your lessons and move on?

That's the plan, Anvil. I don't even want to think about it anymore. I still have some residual codie guilt about "abandoning" a friend I've known for 30 years who's in pain, but I feel like I made the right decision for me. That's what matters.

Wombaticus

For the future...what does a friend 'look' like? I have let friendships go when they are too dramatic.
I want friends who will watch a movie with me and talk about whether the lead is hot ... or not, who will listen to my wins and my losses, who ring at random times to say hi, and who pass the tissues when i need a cry..... and vice versa.
Being angry at someone else because you've spent all of your money is not friendship.