QuietlyTired

So according to he medical offices i had a panic attack last week. It lasted nearly 24 hours. Ah and I got into a huge fight tonight over moving to another state which I am dying for, he protests, but which ironically circled around to an argument about his mother and their relationship. I want to move because we have no chance to get ahead where we are, I would also like to be closer to my family. Not like next door but within a six hour drive. He freaks out and comes to the subject how I hate his mother, have everything against the relationship THEY have. Doesn’t matter he texted her last week about MY personal medical stufff, even quoting that I wouldn’t want him to tell her... but then bloody tells her anyways!,! Of course I’m angry. You treat her more like a confidant than your wife. Sorry but **** you **** you **** you. I am moving away in January. You can come if you like, I am ******* done.

Milano58

Hmm.. So I had huge similarities with this. Couple years ago I wanted to move cities so that we could afford a house. Also to get some space from his mum. Our marriage was struggling, he was slowly drinking again. I think he has a very peculiar relationship with his mum cos of his drinking. She loves him, no doubt but she despises his drinking so he feels unloved by her. Fast forward couple years, we move away. His drinking immediately escalated (no mommy safety net). He was miserable being away from his mum...bizarre for a 30 something. Even his mum doesn't get it.

​​​​​​Just have a think. I know you want your family close by, I'm thousands of miles from mine. But it could be the straw that breaks the camels back.

Cyranoak

perfect except for the "you can come if you like part." you were almost there...

C-

SoberRican

Do what you got to do. Real talk....

AnvilheadII

you each are experiencing the same dynamic, but in different ways - based on who you are.

you would like to move from where you are NOW to be closer to your family. nothing wrong with that!

but in order for that to happen if HE were to accompany you, he would need to move FARTHER AWAY from his family. and he's upset with that idea. also, nothing wrong with that.

now, does he have a dysfunctional kinda creepy bond with his mom? yeah, most likely. but he is allowed to have that bond, no matter how weird it might seem.

you are also allowed to wish to be closer to your own family. to leave where you are currently, and relocate.

where we have conflict is in what you want - to GO - and what he wants - to STAY.

honor what YOU want. what kind of life you desire. follow your own heart and don't try to drag anyone else along kicking and screaming. if you do what is BEST for you, all else will be ok. where we run into trouble is when we add too many filters to our thinking....well what is best for him, how will she feel, what about this, or that? that abdicates our own NEEDS and surrenders what our own heart truly wants in order to comply with what we think is best for someone else.

as most of us have learned, we have NO idea what anyone else REALLY needs. to think so is to think we can control or direct the path of another.

as my fave audiobook narrator says - Do You!