I’m posting tonight from a mattress on the floor of my new rented house, as my bed frame isn’t assemble yet.. kids all asleep on mattresses too and surrounded by boxes.. but we did it!

Today I left my AH.

Mainly feeling relief. Positivity and really excited for the future. Also still feeling some guilt and doubts ... but I’m 100% certain I’ll never go back, my doubts are over the younger two children (his) and whether this is going to be ok for them.

AH has been his usual self throughout the process, helping me move house and being pretty reasonable to be fair. But he’s pushed my eldest two daughters further away by being vile, again this morning (mornings he’s in his worst moods) he waited until my 18yo dd was in the car before laying into her about her “attitude” and she’d done nothing wrong. He also had let his van go untaxed again, it’s now on the road and he’s had warning letters but this time I’m ignoring them he can bail himself out oh.. and he’s let it run out of fuel again today.

I genuinely thought at one point he was having a heart attack today he got a severe pain in his shoulder moving furniture. It made me realise how on edge I all the time.

He also has has let our 13 yo son have a day off school without my consent to “help” move .. I was so annoyed plus he invited a friend over for tea after school of my 10yo daughters, today of all days when I was moving!! It couldn’t have been more inconvinent for me to have another child in the house when trying to unpack, assemble beds and so on!! I told him it wasn’t fair to invite her without asking me and he dismissed me saying he was “thinking of our daughters happiness”

so stressfull and so many reasons to feel relieved I’m now out of this 15 year marriage but still very worried I have him to deal with as the father of my two younger children. I fear he may try to manipulate them and me in ways like this...especially letting my son have random days off school without my consent.. but only time will tell!

Hi! I’m doing ok Thankyou! Still unpacking and still have things to collect from the old place and have had a few teething problems with plumbing in the new house but I’m dealing with everything on my own. XAH has been helping move things and plumbed in my washing machine today for me. He’s been ok pretty calm and not hung around he’s been keen to go and I smelt booze on him this afternoon so I think he’s probably happy to be able to drink in peace. I had a disturbing dream where I told him I still loved him and wanted him back ... it upset me ... but i know it was the old him in the dream. The one that loved me and cherished me and made me feel special. That side of him drowned in gin years ago, I know it’s gone.

ive noticed a different vibe with my kids today. More bickering... but all pretty light hearted banter and giddiness. I dare to think ... this is because they haven’t him being critical and telling them to be quiet and the house feels more relaxed in general.

I’m more organised. I feel happy cleaning my kitchen and knowing it’ll be still clean in the morning, not have his empty beer cans or wine glasses and bottles. More motivated because he’s not sat there drinking on his phone or watching sport. I’ve arranged my things how I like them - the bookcase is now all my books on spiritual matters crystals and folklore and none of his serial killer stuff! I have crystals at the windows and have sage cleansed the space. I’m excited about buying a new rug and an armchair. I’ve bought seeds and planters for the greenhouse we now have!! Im joining a Pilates class next week with my sister! I’m feeling comfortable into space and feel I’ve done the right thing!

Good for you! So happy to hear! I am one step behind you! Lol! Just got accepted offer on a house and hoping to close next month!
Very exciting to think I will have my own space for my doggies and I!
Good luck to you and keep moving forward! Hugs!