hi - I have never written on this board but I read it a lot, I usually just post on Alanon forums but I wanted to write because this is so similar to my situation and I have felt so broken down and like I would never be free. I am in a very similar situation with my ex. He is relentless and it is still a struggle.

one thing I read that helped - you can’t coparent with a narcissist- google coparenting with a narcissist and there is a lot of info there! This helps, you parallel parent and that is it. Not ideal but for this situation it is required and will help keep you out of this.

secondly just make the rules - “midweek visit” equals he tells you by Monday which day it is, or some other reasonable rule that you can follow, no judge would hold that against you. Be consistent and don’t get pulled into answering questions or defending yourself. Limit your contact! Block his number - filter emails into a folder where he doesn’t pop up into your life all the time. If he writes an angry novel respond with a single line about the relevant info and move on. Keep a log of everything - when you have offered to coordinate and how it has gone badly and how has jerked you around.

This is so hard BUT don’t listen to the threats that is the biggest piece of the puzzle. You can’t control if he takes you to court again - so let it go. Do your best and do your part but if you let him control you with that fear you can’t be free. Hope this helps! Be strong!