DesertEyes

Hi gang,

Wanting to share a few lessons I have recently learned about me, perhaps somebody can find them useful and avoid some pain.

My stress-o-meter doesn't work. I just figured that out. Whatever mechanism normal people have for determining that they are under stress and need relief doesn't work in my brain. I must have got the economy model. Having had a chance to speak with folks in Al-Anon, and a few sessions with a shrink and an M.D. have opened my eyes to the stress I've been under the last two years or so. I never even _felt_ stressed.

I was so focused on my "A", so full of denial about the reality of our situation, that I just had no "brain cycles" left over to detect the mounting amounts of stress I was under. I kept putting off stuff I needed to do for _me_.

Such as an aching tooth. Which I postponed because it was just a cavity, and aspirins made it better, and my A was physcially ill and needed my attention, and my business was going down the tubes and I had to find new customers, etc. etc. Eventually the cavity got worse, and I wound up losing the tooth.

By itself, the tooth was not a big deal. After all, I'm over-responsible, extra-dependable super-codie man! However, ife had other plans, and within a few days of the oral surgery, my business finally went broke, and my "A" went into "chaos mode". The stress blew past my tolerance and I had a "crash and burn", along with catching a realy bad case of the flu. I'm _still_ not over the flu, and I _still_ have major troubles getting a good night's sleep. Which is putting a major strain on my ability to care for _me_ during this crisis. I'm having to take extra time for everything, take lots of breaks. At a time when I need a super-codie to take care of _me_, I find that super-codie has spent all his "powers" and needs re-charging.

So I'm not trusting my stress-o-meter any more. I have a small cyst on my back. Not a big deal, I can postpone that until the current crisis is over.

Wrong. I made an appointment and getting it taken care of ASAP. My blood sugar is acting weird, I'm not postponing that either, seen my M.D. twice in the last three weeks. Checking my blood with my home kit regularly. Taking many breaks during the day to just sit and read a book. Keeping in touch with people, calling up old friends I have failed to keep up with. Looking for a new sponsor. Eating healthy. Seeing a shrink once a week.

So here's a suggestion for ya'll. Check out your own internal stress-o-meter. If it's as worthless as mine, you might want to just toss it in the trash and start doing some major "self care" before you hit a crash-and-burn like I did.

Whadya think?

Mike :-)

minnie

Listen to you!! I can't believe how far you've come in the past few weeks.

You sound like you've done a complete 180 in your thinking and are now pointing in the right direction.

Well done. Care to join me for the ride? It's a bit of a trek, but there's some good views to be had along the way.

I am so proud of you.

Love

Minnie
xxxx

cwohio

mike - can you loan me some of that recovery surge that seems to be permeating you? i sure could use some right about now! wow - great job!

DesertEyes

Thank you so much for those compliments. Always good to have somebody else give me a little encouragement and tell me I'm heading in the right direction.

Thank you, yes :-) I'm staying home today, very sick with the flu, but as soon as I'm up to it I'll hop on :-)

thanx again

Mike :-)

DesertEyes

You betcha. Here's a couple bucketloads via the SR forum for ya :-)

To be perfectly honest, it aint' no surge. An Al-Anon old timer told me last week I have the "gift of desperation". I just can't live like this anymore. I have no family to take me in, all my savings got sucked up by my wife's medical bills, I'm out of a place to live in a few weeks, and I've stressed myself into being physically sick with the flu. I have to admit that I am uniquely motivated ;-)

Want another bucketload? Here ya go!

Mike :-)