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Join Date: Nov 2018
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New Here
Well, I've done quite a bit of lurking, but this is the first time I've posted.
After dealing with marriage to an alcoholic for ten years - the last three have been truly hellish - I finally left and our court date for the dissolution is tomorrow morning. I'm surprised at the amount of sadness and anxiety I feel about this - I thought I'd finished mourning the death of our relationship a long time ago. I guess it doesn't help that a mere two weeks after I left, he was in another full-fledged relationship with a woman he met on the internet; I'm surprised about how much that has upset me, too; I thought I'd have a party when he met someone else.
My 35-year-old son, who is a recovering alcoholic (sober for over 5 months now) is between jobs and has moved in with me. I'm glad to have him, as long as he continues to be sober, but it's still extremely stressful, especially at this time of the year - my blood pressure has gone through the roof and my doctor wants to prescribe antidepressants.
I could certainly use some words of encouragement.
After dealing with marriage to an alcoholic for ten years - the last three have been truly hellish - I finally left and our court date for the dissolution is tomorrow morning. I'm surprised at the amount of sadness and anxiety I feel about this - I thought I'd finished mourning the death of our relationship a long time ago. I guess it doesn't help that a mere two weeks after I left, he was in another full-fledged relationship with a woman he met on the internet; I'm surprised about how much that has upset me, too; I thought I'd have a party when he met someone else.
My 35-year-old son, who is a recovering alcoholic (sober for over 5 months now) is between jobs and has moved in with me. I'm glad to have him, as long as he continues to be sober, but it's still extremely stressful, especially at this time of the year - my blood pressure has gone through the roof and my doctor wants to prescribe antidepressants.
I could certainly use some words of encouragement.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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LostinOhio…...I think what you are feeling is normal....it seems to be almost universal that these feelings bubble to the surface at the time of the actual dissolution....it just makes it sooo real. I have been there, too.
However, I think you will find that these feelings and tears will fade back where they belong in about 72 hours!!!
Another thing that I think can be more troublesome for you is the presence of your adult son....I have had a lot of experience with this...
I have learned that nobody gets sober/stays sober while living in the parent's home. A short visit is o.k....as long as he is sober....but, there does need to be a date set for his exit....before things go South.....
I can tell you that nothing can be more stressful than having a drunk...drinking...adult child in your own home....I think it is worse than a drinking spouse, even! And, it is horrible for high blood pressure....
You may need to get more support and I encourage you to start a new thread on this subject, if you need to.....
Sometimes, the right thing to do, is also the hardest....(ask me how I know.,..lol)...
However, I think you will find that these feelings and tears will fade back where they belong in about 72 hours!!!
Another thing that I think can be more troublesome for you is the presence of your adult son....I have had a lot of experience with this...
I have learned that nobody gets sober/stays sober while living in the parent's home. A short visit is o.k....as long as he is sober....but, there does need to be a date set for his exit....before things go South.....
I can tell you that nothing can be more stressful than having a drunk...drinking...adult child in your own home....I think it is worse than a drinking spouse, even! And, it is horrible for high blood pressure....
You may need to get more support and I encourage you to start a new thread on this subject, if you need to.....
Sometimes, the right thing to do, is also the hardest....(ask me how I know.,..lol)...
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Join Date: Nov 2018
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Well, you know, Dandylion, as far as the marriage is concerned (I'll go into my son in another post), I was GREAT the first couple of weeks after I left - I was simply too busy to think about him. But once the move was complete and the dust settled and I had time on my hands again - especially after I found out about what my adult children call his "new slam-piece" - I started getting anxious and feeling sad. Then the holidays hit and I realized this was my first Thanksgiving in 19 years without him, and I just sort of fell to pieces.
It's not that I'm sorry I'm getting divorced - I left for a reason - but I'm sorry it was necessary at all. When things were good between us, they were very good indeed, but these last few years, those good times were few and far between. We tried marriage counseling earlier this year, and when he brought up the subject of sex (our lack of it these last couple of years has been his biggest concern), I told the counselor, "I have no desire to have sex with a drunk."
He countered with, "I'm not drunk first thing in the morning" and was DEAD SERIOUS when he said it. I could go on and on, but I'm willing to bet no one here would be surprised.
At any rate, my doctor has changed my BP meds - even though I've dropped 15 pounds since I left, my blood pressure is still too high - and if that doesn't help after a couple of weeks, I'm going to let her prescribe me the anti-depressant, as much as I hate the idea of having to take it.
It's not that I'm sorry I'm getting divorced - I left for a reason - but I'm sorry it was necessary at all. When things were good between us, they were very good indeed, but these last few years, those good times were few and far between. We tried marriage counseling earlier this year, and when he brought up the subject of sex (our lack of it these last couple of years has been his biggest concern), I told the counselor, "I have no desire to have sex with a drunk."
He countered with, "I'm not drunk first thing in the morning" and was DEAD SERIOUS when he said it. I could go on and on, but I'm willing to bet no one here would be surprised.
At any rate, my doctor has changed my BP meds - even though I've dropped 15 pounds since I left, my blood pressure is still too high - and if that doesn't help after a couple of weeks, I'm going to let her prescribe me the anti-depressant, as much as I hate the idea of having to take it.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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LostinOhio……"fell to pieces"....is not, necessarily, the end of the world...in these circumstances....It happens a lot....many times, it just represents the feelings that have been stuffed down for too long...and, they can come to the surface, "safely", for the first time......sooner or later...it HAS to come out....
Grieving is not always pretty...in fact...never pretty...lol.
You will get through this...we are all stronger than we think we are...and, we find out when courage is our only choice....
When you talk to your doctor...you might want to ask if she/he has you on a beta-blocker (one category of BP meds).....if anxiety is what you are experiencing, in addition to depression.....sometimes it can be added....because it is a medication that can be used to treat anxiety and panic reactions, in some situations...You will need to discuss this with the doctor, th ough)….
Grieving is not always pretty...in fact...never pretty...lol.
You will get through this...we are all stronger than we think we are...and, we find out when courage is our only choice....
When you talk to your doctor...you might want to ask if she/he has you on a beta-blocker (one category of BP meds).....if anxiety is what you are experiencing, in addition to depression.....sometimes it can be added....because it is a medication that can be used to treat anxiety and panic reactions, in some situations...You will need to discuss this with the doctor, th ough)….
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Join Date: Jun 2018
Location: Midwest
Posts: 158
It has been 3 months since my divorce and still have good and bad days. Like you, I knew leaving was the right thing to do. It just takes time and this is your 1st holiday season and probably will be your hardest. I cried all week of Thanksgiving but the flip side was that I didn’t have to deal with my XAH. This site has helped me a lot and hoping it will do the same for you.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 500
For me the grief comes and goes. It sometimes sneaks up on me in the oddest moments. Something as silly as a song on the radio or a joke that reminds me of a different time and in those moments I feel so sad, dumbfounded, angry and then the acceptance comes once again in as little as five minutes. I think its completely normal after spending years (for me it was 22), at least I hope its normal. This thanksgiving it felt more real, like a new way of life and that brought on new grief, but then I looked around at the things I don't miss. The perfection expected around the holiday, the blaring tv, the constant comments and "helping", the feelings of resentment from doing everything myself. All of those are gone so maybe this new way of life has some hidden gems to be found.
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