Wellness Check...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midland, MI
Posts: 159
Wellness Check...
My XABF and I have been broken up for about a month, I guess. I haven’t really been keeping track.
When we first broke up he made suicidal comments to try to get me to come over and I told him I would call and have the paramedics come and help him. He would always say things like how he never would do something like that, he could never kill himself, and other reassurances.
He had stopped drinking around Labor Day, after a massive argument which ended in me blocking his number. A week later, sober, he contacted me via Facebook Messenger and said all of the right things to make me feel comfortable unblocking him - but I still refused to see him. He still tries, but I always say no. I’ve reiterated many times that I’m working on myself and until he can maintain sobriety for at least 3 months I am not going to even consider seeing him in person.
Today when the conversation turned to it again (which hadn’t been happening for a while) I stated it again. He said, “Do you really think I have that much time left?” and said he didn’t want to live like this.
When I said I’m sorry, I do not want a relationship he turned nasty, called me names and got very angry. I told him I wasn’t going to be goaded into an argument because it sounds like he’s been drinking again. He said that he got drunk because he can’t deal with everyday life. “You get it”, he said. I blocked his number again.
After work while talking with one of his better friends she said that he had contacted her right after he went off on me and he was very drunk. He was saying things that concerned her about not wanting to live like this, how he can’t handle life, etc. and it was enough to concern her.
When I got home I called the police to do a wellness check. I told them everything.
He still has a key to my place, and now I’m afraid of retaliation for calling the police. I live alone with my 2 dogs, but they know and love him so I doubt they’d help me. I don’t get paid until tomorrow so I didn’t get a new lockset.
I’ve barred the door with a breaker bar, but it was suggested I go to my dad’s place since he’s out of town and my ex wouldn’t think of looking for me there. I’ve even been told I’m overthinking and worrying too much.
I just needed to vent. I’ve never been in this situation before and I’m nervous.
Thanks for reading.
When we first broke up he made suicidal comments to try to get me to come over and I told him I would call and have the paramedics come and help him. He would always say things like how he never would do something like that, he could never kill himself, and other reassurances.
He had stopped drinking around Labor Day, after a massive argument which ended in me blocking his number. A week later, sober, he contacted me via Facebook Messenger and said all of the right things to make me feel comfortable unblocking him - but I still refused to see him. He still tries, but I always say no. I’ve reiterated many times that I’m working on myself and until he can maintain sobriety for at least 3 months I am not going to even consider seeing him in person.
Today when the conversation turned to it again (which hadn’t been happening for a while) I stated it again. He said, “Do you really think I have that much time left?” and said he didn’t want to live like this.
When I said I’m sorry, I do not want a relationship he turned nasty, called me names and got very angry. I told him I wasn’t going to be goaded into an argument because it sounds like he’s been drinking again. He said that he got drunk because he can’t deal with everyday life. “You get it”, he said. I blocked his number again.
After work while talking with one of his better friends she said that he had contacted her right after he went off on me and he was very drunk. He was saying things that concerned her about not wanting to live like this, how he can’t handle life, etc. and it was enough to concern her.
When I got home I called the police to do a wellness check. I told them everything.
He still has a key to my place, and now I’m afraid of retaliation for calling the police. I live alone with my 2 dogs, but they know and love him so I doubt they’d help me. I don’t get paid until tomorrow so I didn’t get a new lockset.
I’ve barred the door with a breaker bar, but it was suggested I go to my dad’s place since he’s out of town and my ex wouldn’t think of looking for me there. I’ve even been told I’m overthinking and worrying too much.
I just needed to vent. I’ve never been in this situation before and I’m nervous.
Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Hi Mellybug - so sorry to hear all this, it really is a big worry for you.
I hope you ended up going to your Dad's place for the night? At least you could try to get a good nights rest there.
I think you did the right thing. You can't know if he was serious or not and you sent him help, what more can you do? Maybe, just maybe this will at least make him think about where he is at and maybe he even let them take him to get some help.
More will be revealed in time, stay safe!
I hope you ended up going to your Dad's place for the night? At least you could try to get a good nights rest there.
I think you did the right thing. You can't know if he was serious or not and you sent him help, what more can you do? Maybe, just maybe this will at least make him think about where he is at and maybe he even let them take him to get some help.
More will be revealed in time, stay safe!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
I can sort of relate.
I had a good friend that I became too invested in worrying about. Drawn into his vortex of addiction beyond healthy boundaries, I called in numerous wellness checks and watched him very nearly kill himself several times.
I finally recognized - with the help of people here - my need to let go. I'll still hear from him now and again, via social media or a quick and superficial call.... but I've basically disengaged. His cycle continues. He's homeless, jobless, somehow still alive..... but as far as I know, still deeply in his addictive cycle with alcohol.
What you describe seems to me a really unhealthy scenario for you. I hope you're able to let go, move on, work on yourself.... you can't save him and it sounds like he's not at all ready to save himself.
I had a good friend that I became too invested in worrying about. Drawn into his vortex of addiction beyond healthy boundaries, I called in numerous wellness checks and watched him very nearly kill himself several times.
I finally recognized - with the help of people here - my need to let go. I'll still hear from him now and again, via social media or a quick and superficial call.... but I've basically disengaged. His cycle continues. He's homeless, jobless, somehow still alive..... but as far as I know, still deeply in his addictive cycle with alcohol.
What you describe seems to me a really unhealthy scenario for you. I hope you're able to let go, move on, work on yourself.... you can't save him and it sounds like he's not at all ready to save himself.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 21
I did go to my dad's last night, but unfortunately didn't get much in the way of sleep at all. My dog wasn't used to the environment and was VERY restless, so he kept me up late and then kept waking me up a lot.
You're right, though, it is unhealthy. I have been moving on and have become completely emotionally detached from the relationship we once had. I don't feel any pull or tug of "what could have been" anymore. The only thing I feel is irritation with myself for giving it a chance in the beginning - after I had told him I wasn't interested in dating anyone with a problem with alcohol - and sadness that his problem is WAY bigger than I had ever expected.
I've been working on myself and have been enjoying being in a relationship with myself again. I've quit smoking and am not overeating as much because I don't have the same underlying anxiety and stress anymore. I'm able to focus on work more and my new rescue doggie!
My new lock-set will be at my place tomorrow so I'll have THAT peace of mind, and can stay at my dad's again tonight.
Life is looking up!
You're right, though, it is unhealthy. I have been moving on and have become completely emotionally detached from the relationship we once had. I don't feel any pull or tug of "what could have been" anymore. The only thing I feel is irritation with myself for giving it a chance in the beginning - after I had told him I wasn't interested in dating anyone with a problem with alcohol - and sadness that his problem is WAY bigger than I had ever expected.
I've been working on myself and have been enjoying being in a relationship with myself again. I've quit smoking and am not overeating as much because I don't have the same underlying anxiety and stress anymore. I'm able to focus on work more and my new rescue doggie!
My new lock-set will be at my place tomorrow so I'll have THAT peace of mind, and can stay at my dad's again tonight.
Life is looking up!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
I’m not a gun kind of girl, but tasers intrigue me...
zap.
My problem is I’m confident my passive aggressive side would be more like
*Zap zap zap zap*. Zap, Zap? Zap zap zap...
Don’t dawdle on the new lockset!
zap. My problem is I’m confident my passive aggressive side would be more like
*Zap zap zap zap*. Zap, Zap? Zap zap zap...
Don’t dawdle on the new lockset!
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