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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by maia1234 
Hon,
Happy Birthday my friend!!
Good for you for reaching out. I think that you knew the answer but wanted reinforcement in the decision. We are codies (social worker), it is not in our nature to push people away, especially since he is finally working a program. (one month) But this has to be about him, he needs to commit 150 percent to his sobriety. He can't work on your relationship and his relationship with alcohol at the same time. You love him so you want to "help". Sobriety is a one man show and he needs to figure out day care and all the other things by himself. This is not you being mean. This is called life, and addicts can do it. Its about giving him the respect he deserves and making sure that he can figure this out on his own. He doesn't need any help from the outside.
You need to hit some alanon meetings and learn how to let people take ownership of their own "stuff". You know what you need to do with the birthday gifts. You know what you need to do with your time. You know that you need help also, not just him. Ask yourself why after 6 years are you still in this mess.
All I have to say is if this is Gods plan for him and you to be together it will happen. Give him time to work his program. They say on this forum that addicts need a year of sobriety for you to consider a relationship again. Many things will change in that year for him and you.
Hugs, you did good coming here and asking the questions, but I think you already knew the answers.
Happy Birthday my friend!!
Good for you for reaching out. I think that you knew the answer but wanted reinforcement in the decision. We are codies (social worker), it is not in our nature to push people away, especially since he is finally working a program. (one month) But this has to be about him, he needs to commit 150 percent to his sobriety. He can't work on your relationship and his relationship with alcohol at the same time. You love him so you want to "help". Sobriety is a one man show and he needs to figure out day care and all the other things by himself. This is not you being mean. This is called life, and addicts can do it. Its about giving him the respect he deserves and making sure that he can figure this out on his own. He doesn't need any help from the outside.
You need to hit some alanon meetings and learn how to let people take ownership of their own "stuff". You know what you need to do with the birthday gifts. You know what you need to do with your time. You know that you need help also, not just him. Ask yourself why after 6 years are you still in this mess.
All I have to say is if this is Gods plan for him and you to be together it will happen. Give him time to work his program. They say on this forum that addicts need a year of sobriety for you to consider a relationship again. Many things will change in that year for him and you.
Hugs, you did good coming here and asking the questions, but I think you already knew the answers.
This ^
As far as dating, why not have a night out if you meet someone you like. Catalysts come in many forms
.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 72
Originally Posted by Clover71
This ^
As far as dating, why not have a night out if you meet someone you like. Catalysts come in many forms.
As far as dating, why not have a night out if you meet someone you like. Catalysts come in many forms
.Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
His pushing is just so ... effective I guess.
You say you get along great yet you seem to have a real communication issue in expressing yourself with a desire to take a needed break from this relationship. I would think that if he’s a good man like you said and that you get along great there really wouldn’t be any issue in communicating.
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