JessicaNAJ

I'm at a standstill, probably because there is no chaos going on around me today.

My AH just got paid today, he bought a new drill and is now going to Meier to "look around". Money just falls through his hands. Must be nice to forget about your financial obligations and just spend money like crazy - meanwhile, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to give our kids a christmas and buy groceries for next week.

When he told me he was going to Meier, I almost said something smart - but I stopped myself and just told him to have fun. UGH!!! Whatever. He is so self-centered at times. Okay - I'm over it...

Tonight, I'm going to stay stuck in NOWhere Land and relax, Oh yeah, I have an appointment to watch the O.C. and I'm going to make it.

CrazyRed

Did you catch the OC on tv tonight? It's nice hearing that you are making personal time for yourself. It's fun, isn't it?

JessicaNAJ

As a matter of fact, I did. It was nice to do what I wanted for a change.

IM Sinking

Stuck in NoWhere Land -

Hi. I have been reading some of these for a few days now and finally decided to log in.
I have an AH. I just balanced the checkbook and figured out that he has spent about $250 in 14 days on beer, cigs and gas. He likes to drive around alot, but most of it was on beer I am sure. I figured that up to be about $14 a day and over $5,000 a year. I have been reading about detach yourself. We have been married for 12 1/2 years and have 2 children together. I turned here to seek some help. I talk to my friends, but most of them don't understand. Of course I guess you don't until you are in that position.
I just wanted to say that I know where you are coming from. He tells me that I spend a lot of money...I spend it on neccesities and kids mostly. I used to drink some, but I have had it with him. I am beginning to see what it is costing us. Not only in money. He has just progressivly gotten worse over the past couple of years. I used to have the attitude "can't beat em, join em". Then I realized it wasn't doing any of us any good. Especially the kids. I don't know what to do either. Just thought I would share.

JessicaNAJ

IM Sinking -

Thank you for sharing. I guess i never really added up how much he actually spent on beer. He didn't drive, but I could never understand how he spent $60 in one weeked. He always said, "I go up to the store and get your pop and cig's. All that adds up." Which is true, but I know my pop and cig's didn't cost that much.

He's not had a drink in 3 weeks. He's feeling realling good too. But he's making bad financial choices and I can see this heading to a path of destruction for him. A few months back he started again after not drinking for 2 months because of a financial rut he put himself in and I rescued him. Not this time.

Quadlog

I can relate to the spending habits of your AH’s since I was all over the map when I was drinking and when I first sobered up nearly two years ago. When we’re drinking we’re a selfish lot so nearly all our thinking (at least mine was) was centered on our wants and everyone else (including children and family) came a distant second.

I spent money like water when I was drinking ($50 a day) and when I sobered up I did a complete 180 and became a miser to the point of debating if I could afford underarm deodorant. I was so paranoid about spending because I wanted to be as far away from my active drinking self as possible. It was insane but I managed to get to a happy medium with the help of the people in my AA group.

I’m sorry you’re going through this but hopefully he’ll stop the insanity. Quitting drinking is only the first step and the easiest. The hard part is living sober and sane.

gelfling

Nowhere land beats being in hell











Kathy

JessicaNAJ

Kathy - very true!! Thanks for the reminder.

Passion

THANKS FOR THE REMINDER!

IM Sinking

I have just now gotten back on line. You said that when you are drinking that you are very selfish and put yourself first and family second. That is totally true with my AH! He doesn't see it that way though, I guess that he won't until he decides to get sober. It is like he doesn't like to be around us. He blames me because he thinks that I gripe too much and yell at the kids. I probably do. I am trying not to. I get so angry at him and the position I am in that I take it out on everyone else. I know that it isn't anyones fault. He keeps telling me that I have changed. I told him I guess that I have, I have a house to keep up, kids and a lot of obligations, and God. My mother is failing in health. I am trying to help take care of her and my kids. He thinks it is an imposition if I ask him to watch the children. I get angry with him, but at this point it is probably better, in case her were to drive around with them and get them hurt. I work, but not on the "job" every day. He is really jealous of that. He is very jealous! You would think that he would like that I volunteer at school and take my kids every where and do all that I can. He just can't see that, he thinks all that I do is play. I'm not sure that he has any intentions to ever quit. What made you sober up? Was it some kind of joilt? (sorry I got off on all of that!).
Thanks for listening.
IM Sinking :insane

SJW

What would he do if you just didn't react to his drinking? He is used to the way you respond so he just continues the same way he always has. You aren't going to control his drinking. He has to want to stop for good or he won't. You can choose not to join in his insanity by not responding the same old way. A change in your reaction to his drinking might not make any difference in him, but you will be happier.

As hard as it is, you need to take the focus off of him and his drinking and put it on you and your kids. You are the only person you have control of. You have chosen to get caught up in the chaos of alcoholism. Just as the alcoholic is the only person who can stop the drinking, you are the only person who can take yourself out of the chaos.

I know that, because I have finally started making choices to stop the chaos. Until I decided that I wasn't going to keep beating my head against a wall, I had a headache. It sounds like it is impossible to live with an alcoholic and come away with any sanity at all, but it can be done and many people live like that everyday. It beats the old way.

Keep posting and reading here. It really does help.

SJW