How do you file for divorce when you have no $$?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
How do you file for divorce when you have no $$?
I've been separated from AH for over a year, but it's clear now that I need to move forward with the divorce.
He's been unemployed mostly for the past 3 years. He lives in the house that I own, he contributes little, does not pay rent or taxes. Mostly, he lives off a meager insurance settlement fund.
I make not very much as a public school teacher.
How do I get the ball rolling? I have no savings anymore for a retainer. But I feel I wouldn't qualify for free legal aid either.
This is torture.
He's been unemployed mostly for the past 3 years. He lives in the house that I own, he contributes little, does not pay rent or taxes. Mostly, he lives off a meager insurance settlement fund.
I make not very much as a public school teacher.
How do I get the ball rolling? I have no savings anymore for a retainer. But I feel I wouldn't qualify for free legal aid either.
This is torture.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,910
Why do you feel you wouldn't qualify for free legal aid? Have you checked it out? Even if you don't qualify, they will know of attorneys who work on a sliding scale. I encourage you to check with them. Knowledge is power!
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 196
I got the best ideas from my Divorce Care support care group at a local church. It is interesting what everyone does-some have lawyers, some do their own paperwork. In my state, we can go to a facilitator at county courthouse, and they can help for a small fee with paperwork. But I really did a lot of research online. I really did not want to pay a lawyer. I did not have a lot of money. We had kids. In my case, we went to mediator twice at local county courthouse. Luckily my husband got sober during those years. Our divorce timed out. We are still married.
I think that if you really have something really important like kid's custody or assets that are not going to be mutually decided easily, then you would get a lawyer. Otherwise, I am glad that I really did not spend money on divorce.
I am thinking it depends on your state. I had an asset of a car that I had bought. But my husband really wasn't going to debate it. It was my car, and I paid for it. We also have always had separate bank accounts and credit cards, so that was really not something that we debated.
I would say that you might want to be sure that you have separate bank accounts and credit cards. I have heard horror stories when people go through divorce.
I think that if you really have something really important like kid's custody or assets that are not going to be mutually decided easily, then you would get a lawyer. Otherwise, I am glad that I really did not spend money on divorce.
I am thinking it depends on your state. I had an asset of a car that I had bought. But my husband really wasn't going to debate it. It was my car, and I paid for it. We also have always had separate bank accounts and credit cards, so that was really not something that we debated.
I would say that you might want to be sure that you have separate bank accounts and credit cards. I have heard horror stories when people go through divorce.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I think PrettyViolets makes some good points. A lot depends on how much cooperation you can expect from your AH as well as the laws where you live.
In my situation, we were both absolutely on the same page--we had no debt and no kids, we had vehicles of similar value, similar amounts in our retirement accounts, and by that time, separate bank accounts. I brought the house to the marriage and he was not going to fight me for it, something I am very grateful for.
In my state and county, I was able to do a "pro se" divorce--my county courthouse had a very helpful web page that walked me through the entire process as well as having all the necessary forms available for printout. I started the process on my own, then got nervous about missing a deadline or otherwise holding things up unnecessarily. Again, I was fortunate in finding a lawyer who was willing to work w/us on a "consult only" basis, charging only for the time she spent looking over the papers to be sure all was proper and correct as well as for answering any questions I might have.
In the state and county where I live, it went like this: We filled out our papers and the lawyer checked them. I took them to the courthouse and filed them myself. Then a little over 3 months later, XAH and I had to appear before the judge. If this had been a contested divorce, this would have been our initial appearance. Since it wasn't contested, this was the first, last and only court appearance. Total cost was in the hundreds of dollars, including the filing fee and other court fees, not thousands or tens of thousands.
If you have an uncooperative AH, tons of debt, property or money that will be argued over, if you will be fighting over child support or custody--in short, if you are not going to be able to settle things between the two of you--then I think you'd be best to get a lawyer.
However, I think you'd be very smart to get a consultation or two to start with, just to learn what the laws are in your specific part of the world. For instance, initially XAH and I were going to divorce, and one of the problems I faced was health insurance. My job at the time offered none, so I was on his. However, if we divorced, he couldn't keep me on the policy. I considered a separation instead, as this would let me stay on his insurance; however, as I understood it, a separation would NOT protect me from any financial trouble he might get into in the days to come.
In my initial consultation w/the lawyer, she told me that no, a separation WOULD keep me safe from any debt he ran up after the separation. Well, that piece of information saved me at least as much as the lawyer fees were, as insurance for someone my age through the ACA is NOT especially affordable! We did the separation rather than the divorce.
As it turned out, not even 4 months later we ended up converting the separation into a divorce (again, a very simple procedure where I live, no court appearance necessary if both parties agree, which we did), but by then I had a new job w/my own insurance.
In the time I've been on SR, I don't think I've heard of anyone else doing pro se, and I suspect it's simply b/c their situations are complex (kids, debt, uncooperative A spouse) and/or the law is different where they live. I was very, very fortunate in my situation and am everlastingly grateful that XAH didn't fight me, as I didn't have the money for a long court battle either, nor could I have bought him out of the house.
Again, I'd really encourage you to follow up on some of the suggestions you got here, and I'd strongly suggest scheduling consults with at least 2 lawyers, which are generally free. You can google to see who specializes in what and what their approach is to help you choose who you want to talk to. The attorney I worked with claimed on her web site "a fair, equitable, collaborative approach to divorce", and that is what I got from her.
In my situation, we were both absolutely on the same page--we had no debt and no kids, we had vehicles of similar value, similar amounts in our retirement accounts, and by that time, separate bank accounts. I brought the house to the marriage and he was not going to fight me for it, something I am very grateful for.
In my state and county, I was able to do a "pro se" divorce--my county courthouse had a very helpful web page that walked me through the entire process as well as having all the necessary forms available for printout. I started the process on my own, then got nervous about missing a deadline or otherwise holding things up unnecessarily. Again, I was fortunate in finding a lawyer who was willing to work w/us on a "consult only" basis, charging only for the time she spent looking over the papers to be sure all was proper and correct as well as for answering any questions I might have.
In the state and county where I live, it went like this: We filled out our papers and the lawyer checked them. I took them to the courthouse and filed them myself. Then a little over 3 months later, XAH and I had to appear before the judge. If this had been a contested divorce, this would have been our initial appearance. Since it wasn't contested, this was the first, last and only court appearance. Total cost was in the hundreds of dollars, including the filing fee and other court fees, not thousands or tens of thousands.
If you have an uncooperative AH, tons of debt, property or money that will be argued over, if you will be fighting over child support or custody--in short, if you are not going to be able to settle things between the two of you--then I think you'd be best to get a lawyer.
However, I think you'd be very smart to get a consultation or two to start with, just to learn what the laws are in your specific part of the world. For instance, initially XAH and I were going to divorce, and one of the problems I faced was health insurance. My job at the time offered none, so I was on his. However, if we divorced, he couldn't keep me on the policy. I considered a separation instead, as this would let me stay on his insurance; however, as I understood it, a separation would NOT protect me from any financial trouble he might get into in the days to come.
In my initial consultation w/the lawyer, she told me that no, a separation WOULD keep me safe from any debt he ran up after the separation. Well, that piece of information saved me at least as much as the lawyer fees were, as insurance for someone my age through the ACA is NOT especially affordable! We did the separation rather than the divorce.
As it turned out, not even 4 months later we ended up converting the separation into a divorce (again, a very simple procedure where I live, no court appearance necessary if both parties agree, which we did), but by then I had a new job w/my own insurance.
In the time I've been on SR, I don't think I've heard of anyone else doing pro se, and I suspect it's simply b/c their situations are complex (kids, debt, uncooperative A spouse) and/or the law is different where they live. I was very, very fortunate in my situation and am everlastingly grateful that XAH didn't fight me, as I didn't have the money for a long court battle either, nor could I have bought him out of the house.
Again, I'd really encourage you to follow up on some of the suggestions you got here, and I'd strongly suggest scheduling consults with at least 2 lawyers, which are generally free. You can google to see who specializes in what and what their approach is to help you choose who you want to talk to. The attorney I worked with claimed on her web site "a fair, equitable, collaborative approach to divorce", and that is what I got from her.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Prayer. Meditation. Ask God for guidance and look for what shows up in my life.
I had called my local domestic abuse help center before and found great support, insight and understanding of what I was going through, in ways I wasn't able to see. Emotional abuse is abuse.
As I prayed and meditated more, more answers kept showing up easier. One day I was driving by the courthouse, felt a strong urge to pull in, thought of looking at the free legal resources and as I wondered through the building I instead found another outlet of the abuse help center. Someone there had time to talk with me, helped me again in ways I hadn't realized I needed and then directed me on to the free legal resources armed with much more knowledge.
Prayer is powerful.
Knowledge is powerful.
Expanding support networks is powerful.
I had called my local domestic abuse help center before and found great support, insight and understanding of what I was going through, in ways I wasn't able to see. Emotional abuse is abuse.
As I prayed and meditated more, more answers kept showing up easier. One day I was driving by the courthouse, felt a strong urge to pull in, thought of looking at the free legal resources and as I wondered through the building I instead found another outlet of the abuse help center. Someone there had time to talk with me, helped me again in ways I hadn't realized I needed and then directed me on to the free legal resources armed with much more knowledge.
Prayer is powerful.
Knowledge is powerful.
Expanding support networks is powerful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
In my city, lawyer consultations cost around $350! Years ago, I was able to muster up the money to pay for a retainer and then chickened out. I regret that so much. I had 2 small kids, was a SAHM with no personal income, etc.
But it still would have been easier then than it is now.
Note: if you are seriously considering divorce and don't think things will improve, DO IT NOW! Don't wait, everything just gets more complicated.
Yes, we do have some assets, debt and custody issues. All of that seems like a total nightmare to sort out. But we will have to sort it out.
There's a low-cost legal clinic in my neighborhood that I will visit tomorrow and see where that takes me.
But it still would have been easier then than it is now.
Note: if you are seriously considering divorce and don't think things will improve, DO IT NOW! Don't wait, everything just gets more complicated.
Yes, we do have some assets, debt and custody issues. All of that seems like a total nightmare to sort out. But we will have to sort it out.
There's a low-cost legal clinic in my neighborhood that I will visit tomorrow and see where that takes me.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
In the UK we cannot get legal aid for a divorce unless we can prove domestic abuse. I had no idea how to go about that so I did mine online for £45. A lawyer did the paperwork which was downloaded for me to sign and I sent it back. It took 4 months. As we have children we had to go in front of a judge once but that was cos she was querying why exah was getting all the marital assets. If it had been a fair 50/50 split we would not have had to do that. Am sure such schemes exist in the US too.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Yes, Ladybird, like you, I did check into the online divorce sites myself before deciding to go the route I did, and they do exist here in the US too. If I remember correctly, it was more expensive than the pro se I did, but still far less than hiring a lawyer to do the whole thing for you. Again, it's one of those things where the availability varies depending on where you live, just like some states not recognizing legal separation and others that do. Dandy's suggestion to get legal advice that is specific to where you are is spot on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Also wanted to say that I did a quick Google search for free divorce consultations in California and found quite a number of firms/attorneys that give free consults. I of course don't know specifically where you live, but I think you might find a free consult or two by googling.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Originally Posted by WhiteFeathers 
In my city, lawyer consultations cost around $350! Years ago, I was able to muster up the money to pay for a retainer and then chickened out. I regret that so much. I had 2 small kids, was a SAHM with no personal income, etc.
But it still would have been easier then than it is now.
Note: if you are seriously considering divorce and don't think things will improve, DO IT NOW! Don't wait, everything just gets more complicated.
Yes, we do have some assets, debt and custody issues. All of that seems like a total nightmare to sort out. But we will have to sort it out.
There's a low-cost legal clinic in my neighborhood that I will visit tomorrow and see where that takes me.
But it still would have been easier then than it is now.
Note: if you are seriously considering divorce and don't think things will improve, DO IT NOW! Don't wait, everything just gets more complicated.
Yes, we do have some assets, debt and custody issues. All of that seems like a total nightmare to sort out. But we will have to sort it out.
There's a low-cost legal clinic in my neighborhood that I will visit tomorrow and see where that takes me.
For everything I used to think was hard, I'm finding an easier time now allowing goodness to be a daily part of my life. Listening to music, enjoying food, even just blowing some kids bubbles can help me get in a better frame of mind to allow myself to open up to good things and to be directed by God/Universe in new ways.
One day at a time. Many paths.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
I got a lawyer!!!
You guys, I got a lawyer. I think. I had a very mini consultation with him over the phone and I'm going to meet him FTF the day after tomorrow.
I live in a BIG city and this lawyer is the father to someone who really dislikes AH. OMG!
This is HUGE for me.
I live in a BIG city and this lawyer is the father to someone who really dislikes AH. OMG!
This is HUGE for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: California
Posts: 228
I found a great lawyer
Update: I found an amazing law firm in my city that specializes in taking on cases on behalf of working class people. They are socialists and are mission-driven to provide low-cost legal services to vulnerable people. These lawyers are angels, I'm convinced.
I live in L.A. and the typical divorce retainer in $7000 (I've looked around). This lawyer is charging me $3500. Literally, I do not have $3500, but I know I will drum up the money from somewhere. My best friend said she would loan me (as in give me) the money, but I don't want to do that. It's nice that she is so supportive as well.
Even though I have not paid the retainer yet, he filled out the paperwork and will be filing at the courthouse on Friday. I can't believe how blessed I am.
On a side note: I'm touched by all the amazing work being done by lawyers right now on a grand scale to help vulnerable children and others on a low-cost or pro-bono level. Lawyers are truly heroes sometimes. My daughter and I watched the Gloria Allred documentary on Netflix tonight to celebrate and give a silent heartfelt prayer to all people in the legal services industry who are doing their best to help people.
And now it all begins. I'm looking forward to my new life free from the grips of alcoholism and abuse.
I live in L.A. and the typical divorce retainer in $7000 (I've looked around). This lawyer is charging me $3500. Literally, I do not have $3500, but I know I will drum up the money from somewhere. My best friend said she would loan me (as in give me) the money, but I don't want to do that. It's nice that she is so supportive as well.
Even though I have not paid the retainer yet, he filled out the paperwork and will be filing at the courthouse on Friday. I can't believe how blessed I am.
On a side note: I'm touched by all the amazing work being done by lawyers right now on a grand scale to help vulnerable children and others on a low-cost or pro-bono level. Lawyers are truly heroes sometimes. My daughter and I watched the Gloria Allred documentary on Netflix tonight to celebrate and give a silent heartfelt prayer to all people in the legal services industry who are doing their best to help people.
And now it all begins. I'm looking forward to my new life free from the grips of alcoholism and abuse.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
They will work with you. The fact that he also has no money will actually help get this over with pretty quick. But they may negotiate terms that ensure they get paid from him before you. Just preparing you for that.
If not they can still take payments over time. Trust me, they will work with you, making sure they get paid.
If not they can still take payments over time. Trust me, they will work with you, making sure they get paid.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Long Branch, NJ
Posts: 253
Glad to see you took the steps. This caught my eye, because way back when, I felt the same way. Finding the money to divorce seemed insurmountable, but it wasn't. They let me do a payment plan.
Now I can see that it was all part of the mindset I had back then that there was no way out except if he died.
Well, I'm glad I got past that because I've been divorced for 17, and he is still alive!
Best wishes to you as you begin this journey. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and when you get there, the light doesn't go out. You have amazing strength inside that you don't even know you possess.
Now I can see that it was all part of the mindset I had back then that there was no way out except if he died.
Well, I'm glad I got past that because I've been divorced for 17, and he is still alive!
Best wishes to you as you begin this journey. There IS a light at the end of the tunnel, and when you get there, the light doesn't go out. You have amazing strength inside that you don't even know you possess.
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