Sorry for the ramble
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 276
Sorry for the ramble
It seems so much easier for him. I'm having a terrible day. I have nothing and no one. Switched lawyers as the first one made me feel like I'm in a pit of quicksand. The kids are alright. But today I feel like I really, truly understand codependency. Whe I was really this awful terrible wave of panic, depression, sadness, hopelessness, I wanted to go to HIM to FIX IT and make me feel better.
Crazy.
The call I got from his girlfriend, the one that made my insides turn ice-cold while I shook with terror, was the middle of the night before my daughter's graduation.
I'm so tired.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
Crazy.
The call I got from his girlfriend, the one that made my insides turn ice-cold while I shook with terror, was the middle of the night before my daughter's graduation.
I'm so tired.
Thanks for reading, if you got this far.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
I'm sorry you are feeling that way. I get those days too. I can't say that it's codependency. If you are like we are, we both have strengths and weaknesses and talking through certain things helped me feel better.
Why is the gf calling you?
Why is the gf calling you?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 276
Hi Clover. I didn't know he had a GF prior to the call.
It was really creepy to realize this person knows so much about me and I didn't even know she existed.
She called because she was distraught. I felt really bad for her but obviously I couldn't help her. And plus, I don't know her and she could be crazy and hurt me or the kids. So I was nice but apologetic and really I wish her all the best.
I just want to feel good again myself and build a new life. It's really hard though, and scary and empty and awful.
It was really creepy to realize this person knows so much about me and I didn't even know she existed.
She called because she was distraught. I felt really bad for her but obviously I couldn't help her. And plus, I don't know her and she could be crazy and hurt me or the kids. So I was nice but apologetic and really I wish her all the best.
I just want to feel good again myself and build a new life. It's really hard though, and scary and empty and awful.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 276
Quite possible, Dandy. I have been pushing myself to exercise and I tried to get to a meetup tonight but it just didn't happen.
We've been separated for 2 years. During the first part it was mostly about him getting sober. Every time something terrible comes up I get the courage to start the divorce. Then he talks me out of it. This time I want to follow though because I think it is just making me sick and exhausted.
We've been separated for 2 years. During the first part it was mostly about him getting sober. Every time something terrible comes up I get the courage to start the divorce. Then he talks me out of it. This time I want to follow though because I think it is just making me sick and exhausted.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Flavia2 
This time I want to follow though because I think it is just making me sick and exhausted.
As for depression...as a sufferer of many years who nevertheless functions well, my suggestions are to try not to isolate yourself, and don't be ashamed to seek help. Even a chat with your doctor can be enough to make you realise you're not alone, and doctors have many resources they can refer you to. Look after yourself and the rest will follow.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Flavia....I see, from your past threads, that you have been in therapy, in the past...
Why not give the therapist a call, and make an appointment....
I underline what FeelingGreat said about not isolating. Human contact and connection is of paramount importance at a time like this.
So glad to hear that you are pushing yourself to exercise....Do you get outside in the sunshine, some, every day...…?
Getting back to alanon sounds like a good goal, also....
baby steps....baby steps....
Why not give the therapist a call, and make an appointment....
I underline what FeelingGreat said about not isolating. Human contact and connection is of paramount importance at a time like this.
So glad to hear that you are pushing yourself to exercise....Do you get outside in the sunshine, some, every day...…?
Getting back to alanon sounds like a good goal, also....
baby steps....baby steps....
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
i understand how /why you are feeling sick and exhausted. After dealing with this for 2 years, and yet nothing is changing, thinking you are feeling like anyone else who is reaching their limit. Often , we invest so much time and effort into others, we forget to address our own needs.
Sometimes we have to experience the negative, it forces us to deal with the elephant in the room.. sounds like you have some extra time on your hands, today is the perfect day to begin to build a new life for you and your kids. We start to feel better when we regain control of our emotions, we accept the that the we are responsible for our own inner joy.
So his new girlfriend calls you because she is distraught? WTH? What did she expect you to actually say? Good lord. I see her phone call as an affirmation to you that NOTHING is currently changing in his world. Give yourself permission to move forward.
Hope you and your kids can get outside today, enjoy the fresh air, sunshine and each other. Better days are coming, remember the focus is now YOU.
Sometimes we have to experience the negative, it forces us to deal with the elephant in the room.. sounds like you have some extra time on your hands, today is the perfect day to begin to build a new life for you and your kids. We start to feel better when we regain control of our emotions, we accept the that the we are responsible for our own inner joy.
So his new girlfriend calls you because she is distraught? WTH? What did she expect you to actually say? Good lord. I see her phone call as an affirmation to you that NOTHING is currently changing in his world. Give yourself permission to move forward.
Hope you and your kids can get outside today, enjoy the fresh air, sunshine and each other. Better days are coming, remember the focus is now YOU.
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Join Date: May 2016
Location: east coast
Posts: 532
it has been two years for me and it is still hard. I can relate to what you are saying-I just keep doing the next best thing. I am learning more about myself in little tiny pieces. and after two years, I get occasional flashes of happiness. I think it is hard because I have to process that I lived a half life with an alcoholic for so many years- and that was my choice- even though I was in denial or whatever you want to call it. Someone wrote on here that 34 years is worse than 33 years. I got out when I did. I remember in Alanon a woman in her 80s told me-don't do what I did- get out before you are old. Well I waited until I finally had the courage at the age of 61 years old- I will be 64 this year and in many ways I am starting my life over again. so get out before you are old!
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Then he talks me out of it.
no one can talk us into or out of something without our buy in.
now is the time to give your own voice the power. and to not be swayed by another's words. he doesn't get a vote on how you choose to live your life.
no one can talk us into or out of something without our buy in.
now is the time to give your own voice the power. and to not be swayed by another's words. he doesn't get a vote on how you choose to live your life.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Flavia, do yourself a big favor and get that divorce.
I went back and read some of your posts. You don't need this man in your life. He's not a good guy honestly.
He was absent, strip clubs, porn, drinking.
You said that he wandered off in to his new happy life, well the call from the girlfriend proves otherwise and is it any surprise (honestly, what the hell was she thinking calling you, that's so weird)?
He didn't walk out your door and all of a sudden become that "good guy" - he walked out and is just as he was. Selfish, self centered, rude, unkind etc.
If he doesn't want a divorce it must be for some self serving reason. Does he pay child support does he pay alimony? Would he be liable for either if divorced or would the amounts go up?
As mentioned, even talking to a GP about your feelings of sadness will help. Seeing your therapist again is probably a good idea too. It's hard to dig your way out of depression and panic etc without help and why not ask for that help anyway.
I went back and read some of your posts. You don't need this man in your life. He's not a good guy honestly.
He was absent, strip clubs, porn, drinking.
You said that he wandered off in to his new happy life, well the call from the girlfriend proves otherwise and is it any surprise (honestly, what the hell was she thinking calling you, that's so weird)?
He didn't walk out your door and all of a sudden become that "good guy" - he walked out and is just as he was. Selfish, self centered, rude, unkind etc.
If he doesn't want a divorce it must be for some self serving reason. Does he pay child support does he pay alimony? Would he be liable for either if divorced or would the amounts go up?
As mentioned, even talking to a GP about your feelings of sadness will help. Seeing your therapist again is probably a good idea too. It's hard to dig your way out of depression and panic etc without help and why not ask for that help anyway.
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