It's okay to celebrate new beginnings.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It's okay to celebrate new beginnings.
Divorce parties.
I didn't know it was a thing, yet came away from prayer and meditation to have this thought in my mind of it being a good thing to celebrate divorce as new beginnings.
What do we do when we reach a finish line on a long, grueling cross-country 1000 mile journey?
We can fall on the ground and cry, or we can celebrate! (or do both)
"'Throwing a divorce party was one of the best decisions I ever made'
I wanted to celebrate what had happened as, although it had been horrible, I wanted to use the experience to create an inner strength instead of spending the time crying my eyes out.
Throughout that time there were moments when I would just sit down and grieve for the relationship that I once had. So I soon resolved that I could either wallow about it and cry or improve my life and get something positive out of it."
It also seems to completely change the dynamic of the anniversary of the wedding and divorce dates.
There's no one way to grieve. It's okay to allow goodness and fun. The pain will be dealt with in it's own timing.
I didn't know it was a thing, yet came away from prayer and meditation to have this thought in my mind of it being a good thing to celebrate divorce as new beginnings.
What do we do when we reach a finish line on a long, grueling cross-country 1000 mile journey?
We can fall on the ground and cry, or we can celebrate! (or do both)
"'Throwing a divorce party was one of the best decisions I ever made'
I wanted to celebrate what had happened as, although it had been horrible, I wanted to use the experience to create an inner strength instead of spending the time crying my eyes out.
Throughout that time there were moments when I would just sit down and grieve for the relationship that I once had. So I soon resolved that I could either wallow about it and cry or improve my life and get something positive out of it."
It also seems to completely change the dynamic of the anniversary of the wedding and divorce dates.
There's no one way to grieve. It's okay to allow goodness and fun. The pain will be dealt with in it's own timing.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
A Letter to Myself in the Wake of Divorce
Jerusha Gray
I wrote this letter roughly a year after divorcing my son’s father. I was living in a tiny apartment with my small son. It was away from my support network in a new town. I was tired, lonely, and determined to start fresh on my own terms. I scribbled the following letter of encouragement to myself on the back of a cell phone bill.
Dear Love,
It has been an year and a couple weeks since you said goodbye to being a wife, and hello to being true to yourself.
Somedays you will feel like maybe it would have been better for everyone if you had stayed. Somedays you will carry the incapacitating weight of guilt for waiting so long to get out. In those moments, stop what you are doing and slap yourself. You did the absolute best that you could under the circumstances. I know. I was there. It was earth shattering, gut wrenching, with moments of fleeting beauty. It made you question everything you thought you knew about the world; about yourself. It was scary. It was lonely.
The answer is to acknowledge those memories and feelings out loud. Pulling them from the recesses and forcing them into the sunlight reduces their power over your own story. It fuels your next step. Keep one foot in front of the other. Keep pushing forward. Keep going. It is okay to be lonely. It is okay to not know what the **** is going on. It is okay to be fearful of too many choices. It is okay to eat ice cream for dinner because you are too tired to cook.
Perfection is a myth.
Days will blend together. You will make wrong choices. Do yourself a solid and make good friends with screwing up. Fearful avoidance only serves to make you feel like crap. Failing forward is not a loss. Failing and doing the same thing over and over again is where you lose.
Life is overwhelming.
Call it out. Ask for help. Cry if you need to. Know that there will come a time when you need to wipe your face and pick your ass off the floor and keep moving. You are responsible for your own success: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, parental. All of these things will come from you. Love, cry until there are no more tears and get the f up.
Your son will push you like you have never been pushed. Resist the urge to yell. It doesn’t teach him anything. Love is best given with gentle hands and soft voices. He will respond eventually. It takes him a while. He has to learn some things the hard way. He gets that from his dad. Your son’s creative spirit and his love of learning is voracious. He gets that from you.
Music is your friend right now. Embrace it. Drink it. Taste it. It is the medium that doesn’t judge you, or want you do be anything other than who you are which despite how you feel in this moment, is pretty damn remarkable.
Going back to school is a fantastic plan. Don’t be afraid to let that go when you are presented with other opportunities. Learning is so much more than the classroom.
Embrace Advocacy.
Be your own advocate. Your voice is beautiful. Let it be heard.
Be your son’s advocate, even if it is to allow him to be away from you so that you can rest.
Don’t be afraid to ask to be held. You physiologically need to be held. This has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with knowing on a physical level that you are not alone in the universe. It doesn’t make you weak. It is one of the great sources of your strength.
You don’t owe answers to anyone but yourself.
Your intellect is far more than your net worth or jean size.
You are worthy of the space you take up.
You are not alone. I love you.
-me
I still choke up when I come across these words. The scribbled ink on folded paper helped start a process of healing. It helped me to believe in myself as a woman, as a mother, as a human being. I struggle with self-doubt. I still try to jam myself into roles that don’t fit me and bruise. Good or bad, my future belongs to me. Life may feel impossible but for today I will have hope."
----
Many thank to the person who wrote that. ^^^^
I'm not divorced legally. I've been divorced physically, mentally and spiritually many times by my husband when he's in active alcoholism. Recognizing this is new ways.
Jerusha Gray
I wrote this letter roughly a year after divorcing my son’s father. I was living in a tiny apartment with my small son. It was away from my support network in a new town. I was tired, lonely, and determined to start fresh on my own terms. I scribbled the following letter of encouragement to myself on the back of a cell phone bill.
Dear Love,
It has been an year and a couple weeks since you said goodbye to being a wife, and hello to being true to yourself.
Somedays you will feel like maybe it would have been better for everyone if you had stayed. Somedays you will carry the incapacitating weight of guilt for waiting so long to get out. In those moments, stop what you are doing and slap yourself. You did the absolute best that you could under the circumstances. I know. I was there. It was earth shattering, gut wrenching, with moments of fleeting beauty. It made you question everything you thought you knew about the world; about yourself. It was scary. It was lonely.
The answer is to acknowledge those memories and feelings out loud. Pulling them from the recesses and forcing them into the sunlight reduces their power over your own story. It fuels your next step. Keep one foot in front of the other. Keep pushing forward. Keep going. It is okay to be lonely. It is okay to not know what the **** is going on. It is okay to be fearful of too many choices. It is okay to eat ice cream for dinner because you are too tired to cook.
Perfection is a myth.
Days will blend together. You will make wrong choices. Do yourself a solid and make good friends with screwing up. Fearful avoidance only serves to make you feel like crap. Failing forward is not a loss. Failing and doing the same thing over and over again is where you lose.
Life is overwhelming.
Call it out. Ask for help. Cry if you need to. Know that there will come a time when you need to wipe your face and pick your ass off the floor and keep moving. You are responsible for your own success: emotional, physical, financial, spiritual, parental. All of these things will come from you. Love, cry until there are no more tears and get the f up.
Your son will push you like you have never been pushed. Resist the urge to yell. It doesn’t teach him anything. Love is best given with gentle hands and soft voices. He will respond eventually. It takes him a while. He has to learn some things the hard way. He gets that from his dad. Your son’s creative spirit and his love of learning is voracious. He gets that from you.
Music is your friend right now. Embrace it. Drink it. Taste it. It is the medium that doesn’t judge you, or want you do be anything other than who you are which despite how you feel in this moment, is pretty damn remarkable.
Going back to school is a fantastic plan. Don’t be afraid to let that go when you are presented with other opportunities. Learning is so much more than the classroom.
Embrace Advocacy.
Be your own advocate. Your voice is beautiful. Let it be heard.
Be your son’s advocate, even if it is to allow him to be away from you so that you can rest.
Don’t be afraid to ask to be held. You physiologically need to be held. This has nothing to do with sex and everything to do with knowing on a physical level that you are not alone in the universe. It doesn’t make you weak. It is one of the great sources of your strength.
You don’t owe answers to anyone but yourself.
Your intellect is far more than your net worth or jean size.
You are worthy of the space you take up.
You are not alone. I love you.
-me
I still choke up when I come across these words. The scribbled ink on folded paper helped start a process of healing. It helped me to believe in myself as a woman, as a mother, as a human being. I struggle with self-doubt. I still try to jam myself into roles that don’t fit me and bruise. Good or bad, my future belongs to me. Life may feel impossible but for today I will have hope."
----
Many thank to the person who wrote that. ^^^^
I'm not divorced legally. I've been divorced physically, mentally and spiritually many times by my husband when he's in active alcoholism. Recognizing this is new ways.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 128
"Your voice is beautiful, let it be heard"
How and why would I think that someone else's love is more important than my love for myself?
When did I decide that the alcoholic's love was the most important? When it is the least consistent?
Why do I detach from people who are there for me? Because of shame. To avoid judgement. Because I am too busy focusing on getting that alcoholic back to who I know he can be.
But every time I help him, I take away the opportunity to help himself.
And every time he is sad or has low self worth, I join him in his feelings, and that takes me away from everything that is good in my life.
I'm not planning on getting a divorce right now.
Celebrating divorce as a new beginning is a healthy way to show love for yourself.
When I feel blue, and I stop and think, "are you loving you right now?" I learn to see the bigger picture. There is a whole world that is missed when our focus is narrow. The disease of alcoholism is baffling. And lonely, and open to judgement and so much interpretation.
There is much to celebrate. I'm just writing my thoughts here, perhaps not super fitting with this thread, but very hopeful.
We are not a reflection of the choices and actions of our alcoholic loved one.
I read this quote every day (from alanon I think):
" I no longer carry the baggage of my loved one's addiction. Today I kno wthat we are separate beings and how he chooses to live his life is not a reflection on me."
How and why would I think that someone else's love is more important than my love for myself?
When did I decide that the alcoholic's love was the most important? When it is the least consistent?
Why do I detach from people who are there for me? Because of shame. To avoid judgement. Because I am too busy focusing on getting that alcoholic back to who I know he can be.
But every time I help him, I take away the opportunity to help himself.
And every time he is sad or has low self worth, I join him in his feelings, and that takes me away from everything that is good in my life.
I'm not planning on getting a divorce right now.
Celebrating divorce as a new beginning is a healthy way to show love for yourself.
When I feel blue, and I stop and think, "are you loving you right now?" I learn to see the bigger picture. There is a whole world that is missed when our focus is narrow. The disease of alcoholism is baffling. And lonely, and open to judgement and so much interpretation.
There is much to celebrate. I'm just writing my thoughts here, perhaps not super fitting with this thread, but very hopeful.
We are not a reflection of the choices and actions of our alcoholic loved one.
I read this quote every day (from alanon I think):
" I no longer carry the baggage of my loved one's addiction. Today I kno wthat we are separate beings and how he chooses to live his life is not a reflection on me."
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Celebrating today with Thai food, an extra day of vacation and going shopping for new surprises!
Meditation:
God/Great Spirit/Mother Earth, please show me new paths. Thank you for this day.
#lifeisgood
Meditation:
God/Great Spirit/Mother Earth, please show me new paths. Thank you for this day.
#lifeisgood
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