Raindrops

It really confuses me . How does a person not have any reaction or remorse after seeing the videos that he did ? How does he not feel anything ? How does he not say sorry or even acknowledge that he messed up? His response when my lawyer initially asked him if he felt that his alcohol was an issue was - she had a problem with my drinking. I did not have a problem. Which is true to an extent but even then when you watch videos of what alcoholism was doing to our marriage , how do you not feel anything ?

SparkleKitty

He's in his addiction, and his addiction is showing him a completely different reality than the one you are in.

We could spend a lifetime trying to understand it, or we can accept that we will never understand it and start moving on from it.

trailmix

This is a case where you are surmising that how you would react is how he would react.

Common sense dictates that when you wrong someone you feel bad about it.

As SparkleKitty said, his reality is not your reality.

dandylion

Raindrops.....a true narcissist does not care what other people feel......they appear to only when it suits their needs.....
I don't know him.....but, he does sound very cold.....

trailmix

I was thinking the same thing actually, just thought I would avoid using the narcissist word lol

Although honestly, it sounds just like it.

Raindrops, as dandylion said, they do only appear to care when it suits them. It's an interesting breed of people and so very hurtful to those around them.

I've mentioned before that I was in a relationship for a couple of years with a narcissist and here is an example of his MO:

We break up - he goes back to whence he came (across the country). Moves in with his "good friend" and the guys girlfriend. Immediately starts to "help out" doing this and that task.

Then all of a sudden that's over and he is doing nothing except looking out for number one and mooching in a rent free room and trying to get the girlfriend moved out (because isn't she annoying, she is an alcoholic and wouldn't it be better if it was just the two guys?)

Ffwd, gf of guy has had quite enough of the homewrecking moocher and he is asked to leave. Goes to Dad's place, cleaning out the garden, taking care of the pet etc etc. That gets old fast and now he is doing, oh right, nothing.

Comes back to where I live. Starts off with a roar, yard work, doing tasks around the house and then - nothing, gets bored half way through a task and that's it, then sitting around doing absolutely nothing. Gets a job and makes a token payment to monthly expenses.

So the pattern is unveiled, which I hadn't seen before because we didn't live together (thankfully! I got that part right). He could put out quite the effort when it suited him to get something he wanted. Once that was accomplished he defaulted back to what he really was.

Once their mask is off it's not a pretty sight. It's cold, it's calculating and it's completely self serving.

These life long "friends" he stayed with (did I mention rent free??) got sick while he was staying there as in needed to go to the hospital, some raging flu or something. He dropped them off and left them there with no car because he was on his way to some social gathering. He referred to them once as the "free rent down the road".

If you had heard him talk about that guy, you would have thought he was his long lost Brother. In practice he was just a means to get by.

To sum up this really long story, he ended up back at Dad's (but they were getting tired of his mooching) and he sat there for weeks, unemployed until he was forced to get a meagre job.