ElleSea

Hey, I'm new here so please let me know if I'm in the wrong area. My boyfriend just got his 1 month chip, he is doing really great at this time in his recovery.
His sponsor really wants me to go to Al Anon, but I'm not sure if it's something I'm really ready for.
Does that sound crazy?

Bekindalways

Welcome Elle. I'm glad you found us.

Alanon has been a life saver for many although I myself never went that route.

At least educate yourself about alcoholism and codependency. The stickies on this forum are a good place to start. Also Codependent No More is a bit of a bible around here. (I'm not sure that being in a relationship makes your codependent but it is worth looking in to)

Sleepyhollo

I’d recommend that you at least give it a try. At least you will be around people that understand what you’re going through. Because unless you have lived it, it is hard to understand.
It ended up not being for me but I did go several times.
If nothing else, like PP said, educate yourself on alcoholism and read that book. I’m a medical provider and did not realize how little I knew about addiction until my RAH went to rehab. It is so much more than just the substance. And therefore it is so much more than just quitting drinking. I never understood that until he went to rehab. I wish I would’ve known that a long time ago.
Kudos to you BF for his 1 month chip, it is a great start and hopefully the beginning of long sobriety. But it is still a very short time so don’t get lulled into a false sense of security. Early recovery is hard on both the addict and the SO. That’s why it is important for you to educate yourself as much as possible. You can’t keep him sober, that’s his job, but knowing what addiction and recovery entails will be a huge help while you’re going through this. If you’re staying in the relationship you can’t just be a passive bystander., it is important that you educate yourself.
There is lots of good info on here so keep coming back

Mango212

https://al-anon.org

That doesn't sound crazy at all.

A bunch of people sitting around in a room together can either be a good thing or something very uncomfortable. Sometimes being uncomfortable and getting outside my comfort zone are exactly what I need.

Sometimes an Al-anon meeting is full things I really needed to hear. Sometimes it's a nugget or two that strikes me days later, and I'm very glad I was there.

I've also learned it's okay to arrive late. It's okay for me to pass and say nothing. It's okay for me to leave early, especially if I have a strong gut feeling to. Thanks to finding my voice in al-anon, I'm also listening to my healthy inner voice in new ways.

honeypig

It's hard for me to imagine what more would be required to be "ready for" Alanon than to have lived with an active A. Ready to find some calm in the uproar? Ready to learn to cut through the BS in so many areas of life? Ready to learn to be a friend to yourself? Then you're ready for Alanon.

Combine that w/the fact that you have nothing to lose by trying several meetings, and I don't see a good reason to NOT go.

For me, recovery came from a combo of SR, Alanon, and other books, CDs and podcasts. Even though I sometimes had to force myself to get my hind end to a meeting, I don't believe I EVER left thinking "well, THAT was a waste of time, wish I hadn't gone." And as another member posted above, sometimes the lesson or insight didn't strike me until a day, a week, or a month later, when I was ready to hear and understand.

I'd strongly recommend you give it a try--reading about Alanon is like reading about a recipe online. Many people can tell you how they prepared it and what they liked and didn't like about it, how they tweaked it or made substitutes and how those changes worked or didn't work. In the end, though, you have to cook it yourself to really know how it tastes....

Zukunft

I think yes! Keeping an open mind and trying out the group experience is not crazy. I found a fantastic support at Alanon that has allowed me to open up and find a path to recovery with dignity and respect. Learning about one problem helps you discover how connected things are. I struggle with unconditional love but this new phase of struggle is sharing the truth with my group. This is definitely helpful. And joyful. All the best.

aliciagr

It sounds a little crazy that is sponsor really wants YOU to go to alanon. A sponsors role is to help a person go through the 12 steps and be a support for moments of weakness involving his drinking. Its not the sponsors role to be a life coach, or to get into his personal business and relationships. It would be ok for the sponsor to mention that alanon is available to the partner, but not to push for the person to attend.

alanon is something for you alone. And its not crazy that you are uncertain if you want to get involved in meetings or question if you need to take up your own program of recovery.

Mango212

AA and Al-anon groups are found worldwide. As individuals thrive, groups thrive. I see something I like here. People in recovery who are finding good, fun, full lives.

Here's a flyer that shows how some AA/Alanon events are.

Having some curiosity about Alanon and checking out some meetings can allow new possibilities to come into our lives.