Out of rehab and still the same...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 10
Out of rehab and still the same...
So ABF is out of rehab, he stayed in there for 7 months. He seemed to be doing very well, but as soon as he was released he went right back to drinking...after 7 months sobriety. He is drinking late at night meeting up with random people who do the same stuff and staying over night and God knows what...then he will blow my phone up the next day and cry and be ashamed of his drinking...or tell me he really needs help and to please stick by his side...or he will say I'm all he's got. I am getting to the point where I don't know what to do. His family has tried to help him get back on his feet with a place to stay and a job but he continues to leave and stay out and drink. But then regret it after a couple days...then goes back to drinking again... He has been calling my phone nonstop but I don't know what to say to him..and I know he's drunk. When his family found him walking on the side of the road one day, they told him to stay at the house and take a shower and get cleaned up. He took shower and then left early in the morning to get drunk again. He will ask random people on the street for $1 and use that towards buying a bottle of something for the day. The cycle just goes on and on....
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello ashley,
I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend. He knows what he needs to do, but convinces himself it's OK each time someone allows him to rest, clean up, eat a good meal, or untangles his self-inflicted crises. It enables him to live the active alcoholic's dream of no personal responsibility and to keep the drinking going.
My stepson will call on anyone he can think of for a place to stay, a meal, a few bucks (which goes straight to a bottle or some pills or something). He has finally burned all of his usual bridges and is currently incarcerated. Whether or not he continues his drinking ways when he gets out is unknowable.
I know you feel responsible and guilty for even thinking of just letting your boyfriend go. Maybe you think you are his last line of defense against something tragic happening. Perhaps it might help to keep in mind that your boyfriend is a grown man.
Grown men are responsible for getting and keeping a job, finding and paying for a place to live, shopping for their own food and clothes, etc. Grown men live life on life's terms, dealing with it as it comes to them. It requires a certain amount of maturity that most active addicts do not have but can learn.
I hope and pray that your boyfriend will finally reach for sobriety with both hands and hang on as if his life depended upon it--because frankly, it does. The sad part for those of us who love an alcoholic is that we have no control over when or if that happens. We can only encourage them to do the next right thing but we can't make that happen.
Please know you can always come here to SR for support! Hang in there!!
I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend. He knows what he needs to do, but convinces himself it's OK each time someone allows him to rest, clean up, eat a good meal, or untangles his self-inflicted crises. It enables him to live the active alcoholic's dream of no personal responsibility and to keep the drinking going.
My stepson will call on anyone he can think of for a place to stay, a meal, a few bucks (which goes straight to a bottle or some pills or something). He has finally burned all of his usual bridges and is currently incarcerated. Whether or not he continues his drinking ways when he gets out is unknowable.
I know you feel responsible and guilty for even thinking of just letting your boyfriend go. Maybe you think you are his last line of defense against something tragic happening. Perhaps it might help to keep in mind that your boyfriend is a grown man.
Grown men are responsible for getting and keeping a job, finding and paying for a place to live, shopping for their own food and clothes, etc. Grown men live life on life's terms, dealing with it as it comes to them. It requires a certain amount of maturity that most active addicts do not have but can learn.
I hope and pray that your boyfriend will finally reach for sobriety with both hands and hang on as if his life depended upon it--because frankly, it does. The sad part for those of us who love an alcoholic is that we have no control over when or if that happens. We can only encourage them to do the next right thing but we can't make that happen.
Please know you can always come here to SR for support! Hang in there!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Ashley.
Very sorry.
I can see your sadness in your post.
Your ABF isn’t ready to quit.
He may never be ready.
Probably best for you to let him go his way, yeah?
We can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
And even though your bf says he does, his actions say he doesn’t.
Actions, not words, count.
Very sorry.
I can see your sadness in your post.
Your ABF isn’t ready to quit.
He may never be ready.
Probably best for you to let him go his way, yeah?
We can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
And even though your bf says he does, his actions say he doesn’t.
Actions, not words, count.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
I'd move on too. He's not going to stop. My exah goes to rehab like its a hotel for 6 - 9 months at a time. He drinks while in there and continues when out. He pays for the rehab so the staff aren't that bothered what he does. He's not learnt a thing..he never will. His motivation for being there is he gets waited on. He's lazy and enjoys having meals cooked for him and his room cleaned and laundry done. He admitted that. He also has fellow drinking buddies which he'd not find in a regular hotel. His rehab stints have been going on for 4 years since we split up and he no longer had a maid to wait on him aka me his wife.
The cycle just goes on and on....
It does not have too for you. You can put a stop to it anytime you decide. You could block him on your phone, emails and social media and do not contact him. Let him sort his own life out and you concentrate on yours.
The cycle just goes on and on....
It does not have too for you. You can put a stop to it anytime you decide. You could block him on your phone, emails and social media and do not contact him. Let him sort his own life out and you concentrate on yours.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
seven MONTHS in rehab and he went straight back to the bottle. that was a CHOICE.
are you ready to go no contact? you are not the ONLY person in his life.....that's drunken poor me babble. he has had help thrown his way from every corner, and he rebukes it all. that is also a choice.
are you ready to go no contact? you are not the ONLY person in his life.....that's drunken poor me babble. he has had help thrown his way from every corner, and he rebukes it all. that is also a choice.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Well, I suppose it's working for him at the moment isn't it.. he keeps getting in the poop and people keep helping him out by giving him what he should be doing for himself. If that looks unlikely he gets all wailey and the consequences somehow disappear. So he gets to drink, and others protect him from the consequences of that. Why would he change?
Is this what you want from a boyfriend? Because it sound like that's pretty much what this one has to offer. You can't change him. You want something more, I reckon you need to look elsewhere.
BB
Is this what you want from a boyfriend? Because it sound like that's pretty much what this one has to offer. You can't change him. You want something more, I reckon you need to look elsewhere.
BB
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