FreedomCA

Well, we finally separated one month ago and have the divorce papers filed. I have been struggling to get sober despite my involvement in AA because AH was an active alcoholic and meth user who not only did not want help but also did not support my recovery. He is going to rehab soon since he was missing work after the separation and using, and he now needs to go to rehab to save his job and his family wants him to get help since he is deteriorating.

I currently have 7 days sober from alcohol with the help of AA and my sponsor.

I am just feeling a lot of depression and sadness after separating from my husband of 8 years. It is painful even though he was an active addict because we did share good memories. I have been sleeping a lot and isolating.

honeypig

Freedom, healing will take time, and I'm sure you know that. Of course you will need to grieve--how could you not?

And what you're feeling isn't wrong. The only thing that could be wrong would be if you chose to drink b/c of these feelings.

I found a lot of help in the following 2-part article myself and have referred a lot of folks to it over the years. I hope you find some help there, too.

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf

https://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/p...ner-112011.pdf

FreedomCA

Thank you, I was able to just read both articles. The dream that I am losing is one in which my husband and I thought that we could overcome anything and eventually be buried with one another; inseparable. We were so close and thought nothing could tear us apart. Obviously, this dream of being invincible was untrue and several variables led to our separation.

honeypig

I felt the same way about XAH. He had been in AA and had some recovery behind him when I met him; I simply couldn't believe he wouldn't be able to work his way back to that. I couldn't believe that his only response would be to lie harder and more carefully w/every time he got caught.

It just didn't seem real. I dreaded seeing his car pull out of the driveway for the last time. I cringed when members of his airplane modeling club would call for him and I'd have to say he didn't live here any more. I was scared of so many different things, now that he wasn't here to handle them.

And most of all, as you say, I just couldn't believe it. I kept thinking there was going to be some last-minute rally, some miracle, some moment of clarity. I felt I'd wake up and it would all be a bad dream. Somehow, this had to be a big mistake. It couldn't be happening like this.

But it was as real as it gets.

Keep reading and posting, Freedom. There is help and healing to be had, if only you can keep on trudging one day at a time.

Eauchiche

Dear Freedom
There are some couples where each one can get sober on their own, but not together. Perhaps this is true in your case?
I know the separation is excruciating. You are in good company here with all of us who have been through that.

FreedomCA

Very possible.

trailmix

Wow honeypig! Your post was so "real", that's so tough.