No man's land
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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No man's land
I read the In Between Place sticky and it is so true. I do not have to make decisions now, I have always been one for action, getting the job done, a true Type A personality.
Now I do not know what to do, not because my RAH is doing anything, he is still sticking to his AA meetings and not drinking, but I am bereft. It's as if I have crossed a line and there is no coming back.
I am angry, sad all at the same time. Sometimes I just sit at my PC and cry.
He wants to work on the marriage, and I cannot say I do, he wants answers, I have none. He says he cannot make any promises about his drinking (I know that), I also said I cannot make promises that I will stay with him. When will this terrible confusion and uncertainty pass? I can honestly say, I do not know what I want to do.
Now I do not know what to do, not because my RAH is doing anything, he is still sticking to his AA meetings and not drinking, but I am bereft. It's as if I have crossed a line and there is no coming back.
I am angry, sad all at the same time. Sometimes I just sit at my PC and cry.
He wants to work on the marriage, and I cannot say I do, he wants answers, I have none. He says he cannot make any promises about his drinking (I know that), I also said I cannot make promises that I will stay with him. When will this terrible confusion and uncertainty pass? I can honestly say, I do not know what I want to do.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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During the brief time I had a sponsor, in my early days of Alanon, I remember one of the "assignments" I was given was regarding the 3 A's of Alanon--Awareness, Acceptance, and Action. One of the main points that the readings made was that most of us are GREAT at the Awareness/Action parts, but we don't do so good w/the Acceptance part. Like you, once we become aware, we want to immediately take steps to end the pain/fix the problem/get things back on track. And that isn't usually the best path, unless of course there is a threat to someone's physical safety or some other genuine emergency.
I recently posted a line from a poem called "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer in another SR thread. It seems appropriate here too:
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
An important thing I've learned in recovery is to stop, to wait, to let the dust settle, to let the waters clear, before making a decision or taking action. It's hard, but it can be oh so rewarding. Often the answer will become crystal clear if I just wait for it to be shown to me. An example of this (although in a much more minor way) is my thread about the unwanted gift. I worked myself into a tither, and in the end, the perfect answer presented itself to me--something I could have had no way of knowing any earlier than I did.
I know it's hard to "sit with pain", but if you can do it, you will learn so much and gain so much. In the other SR thread that I mentioned, I also suggested using the mountain meditation. You can google many different versions of this. Basically, it involves picturing yourself as a strong and steadfast mountain. All the storms that rage over your surface, the roaring wind, the freezing snow, the avalanches, the changing seasons, the downpours--none of those things alter your solid self. You are the mountain. This imagery was and still is very helpful to me.
The only way through your pain is through your pain. "Hiding it, fixing it or fading it" will only mean it pops up again in another disguise at another time. Take care of yourself, do what you can to nourish yourself, and gradually some perspective will emerge.
The link to the rest of the poem, if you'd like to read it, is here: Poetry - Oriah Mountain Dreamer - The Invitation - It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I recently posted a line from a poem called "The Invitation" by Oriah Mountain Dreamer in another SR thread. It seems appropriate here too:
I want to know if you can sit with pain, mine or your own, without moving to hide it, or fade it, or fix it.
An important thing I've learned in recovery is to stop, to wait, to let the dust settle, to let the waters clear, before making a decision or taking action. It's hard, but it can be oh so rewarding. Often the answer will become crystal clear if I just wait for it to be shown to me. An example of this (although in a much more minor way) is my thread about the unwanted gift. I worked myself into a tither, and in the end, the perfect answer presented itself to me--something I could have had no way of knowing any earlier than I did.
I know it's hard to "sit with pain", but if you can do it, you will learn so much and gain so much. In the other SR thread that I mentioned, I also suggested using the mountain meditation. You can google many different versions of this. Basically, it involves picturing yourself as a strong and steadfast mountain. All the storms that rage over your surface, the roaring wind, the freezing snow, the avalanches, the changing seasons, the downpours--none of those things alter your solid self. You are the mountain. This imagery was and still is very helpful to me.
The only way through your pain is through your pain. "Hiding it, fixing it or fading it" will only mean it pops up again in another disguise at another time. Take care of yourself, do what you can to nourish yourself, and gradually some perspective will emerge.
The link to the rest of the poem, if you'd like to read it, is here: Poetry - Oriah Mountain Dreamer - The Invitation - It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
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Givenup......It sounds like you are somewhere in the FOG....
F--fear O--obligation G--guilt.....
These are the things that often keep someone stuck in a situation where they are unhappy or is not in their best interest.....
Can you relate to any of these? specifically?
the reason that I ask this is because, when I read back through your other threads....you don't really sound all that "confused" to me....To me, you sound like you know how you feel (unhappy with the marriage)...but, not sure that you are entitled to your own happiness...that...perhaps...since he is "trying" to get sober...that requires that you give him what he wants regardless of your self.
I say "trying"...because it has been two years of his "trying"...but, from your description--it sounds like half measures. Working a program of genuine recovery requires working intensely and diligently...especially in the early recovery period--which is anywhere from 1-5yrs.....(depending on who you talk to)....
One must ask...who is he trying to get into recovery for--himself or to get the marriage back to status quo. It sounds like the marriage is enough for him...but, maybe, not enough for you....
A person is entitled to leave a marriage or any relationship for any reason that matters to them...
People leave relationships and marriages, every day, for many reasons....
Reading your posts...it seems to me that you have been working toward this for a long time...preparing yourself for economic independence, by going to University...getting the kids raised and off to college...doing reading and studying about alcoholism and the effects on loved ones....
Sounds, to me, like you have been sitting this out for a long time, now.....
To me, I think we were put on this earth to thrive...not to merely exist....
It can happen, over time...that couples just grow apart...change happens...and, too much water passes under the bridge.....trust and respect gets eroded away, slowly...and the heart has lost that essential thing that brought them together....
For me...once I came to that point in any of my relationships..including my first marriage...it never returned....Now, that is Me....
I am offering my own thoughts and experience as food for your thought....
F--fear O--obligation G--guilt.....
These are the things that often keep someone stuck in a situation where they are unhappy or is not in their best interest.....
Can you relate to any of these? specifically?
the reason that I ask this is because, when I read back through your other threads....you don't really sound all that "confused" to me....To me, you sound like you know how you feel (unhappy with the marriage)...but, not sure that you are entitled to your own happiness...that...perhaps...since he is "trying" to get sober...that requires that you give him what he wants regardless of your self.
I say "trying"...because it has been two years of his "trying"...but, from your description--it sounds like half measures. Working a program of genuine recovery requires working intensely and diligently...especially in the early recovery period--which is anywhere from 1-5yrs.....(depending on who you talk to)....
One must ask...who is he trying to get into recovery for--himself or to get the marriage back to status quo. It sounds like the marriage is enough for him...but, maybe, not enough for you....
A person is entitled to leave a marriage or any relationship for any reason that matters to them...
People leave relationships and marriages, every day, for many reasons....
Reading your posts...it seems to me that you have been working toward this for a long time...preparing yourself for economic independence, by going to University...getting the kids raised and off to college...doing reading and studying about alcoholism and the effects on loved ones....
Sounds, to me, like you have been sitting this out for a long time, now.....
To me, I think we were put on this earth to thrive...not to merely exist....
It can happen, over time...that couples just grow apart...change happens...and, too much water passes under the bridge.....trust and respect gets eroded away, slowly...and the heart has lost that essential thing that brought them together....
For me...once I came to that point in any of my relationships..including my first marriage...it never returned....Now, that is Me....
I am offering my own thoughts and experience as food for your thought....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
Basically, it involves picturing yourself as a strong and steadfast mountain. All the storms that rage over your surface, the roaring wind, the freezing snow, the avalanches, the changing seasons, the downpours--none of those things alter your solid self. You are the mountain.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
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I too learned many things in alanon. I learned not to force a solution. I have learned to step back, take a day to think about it. I can't tell you how many times that I have done this and told my kids too and it always works out like its supposed too. I am also the type A personality, do it and get it done, but lots of times that's not what we should be doing.
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Join Date: Mar 2016
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I am a doer and used to be impulsive but it took me 5 years and a good deal of butt kicking from SR from knowing we were divorcing to it actually happening. I wanted my older kids to be settled in college and university before it happened and I was hoping the house we lived in would be ready to sell. As it turned out it wasn't cos exah realised if he stopped all work it would make it harder for us to divorce. He basically stopped helping and upped his drinking. It ended up me doing a lot of the diy work on top of home schooling our kids, running an animal rescue and caring for our autistic sons. In the end he kept the house anyway so doing the work on it was a waste of time.
If I had the time again I'd get better legal advice. He really took me to the cleaners financially even tho he'd never contributed into the family home or worked. Alcoholics can be very obstructive and awkward and he just flat out refused to be fair. I couldn't afford a legal battle but I think, looking back on it, a decent judge would have seen right through his performance as the wrong husband with the mental wife he "cared for"lol.
Anyhow the divorce did happen eventually and it was scary and difficult but got easier once he had a new lady friend interest. One thing I learnt that if it suits them things go smoother. I got through it and my kids got through it. Our family is not intact but some of the problems were there regardless of the divorce. It hurt more once I had time to decompress after we had gone our separate ways. I used to listen to you tube songs that reminded me of life before I met him and cry all evening. I honestly never missed him tho. By the time we divorced he had become a nightmare but, unlike your husband, he never attempted recovery of any sort while we were together. Tbh it would not have changed my mind cos once its ashes it can't be fixed. We were over a very long time before I could admit it to myself and my bar was so low by the time I was single again I was bowled over at any normal affection or care from anyone. I was ill one time and my son gave me his fleece blanket off his bed and I cried and he said "It's common humanity mom." My farmer friend took me out and he paid. That was a first for me. He opened doors and all for me. I was shocked at how I had put up with crumbs from my ex and it took some getting used to.
I think my heart needed to catch up with my brain when I got divorced. It's a bit like losing loads of weight quickly and feeling strange cos you're not used to it.
If I had the time again I'd get better legal advice. He really took me to the cleaners financially even tho he'd never contributed into the family home or worked. Alcoholics can be very obstructive and awkward and he just flat out refused to be fair. I couldn't afford a legal battle but I think, looking back on it, a decent judge would have seen right through his performance as the wrong husband with the mental wife he "cared for"lol.
Anyhow the divorce did happen eventually and it was scary and difficult but got easier once he had a new lady friend interest. One thing I learnt that if it suits them things go smoother. I got through it and my kids got through it. Our family is not intact but some of the problems were there regardless of the divorce. It hurt more once I had time to decompress after we had gone our separate ways. I used to listen to you tube songs that reminded me of life before I met him and cry all evening. I honestly never missed him tho. By the time we divorced he had become a nightmare but, unlike your husband, he never attempted recovery of any sort while we were together. Tbh it would not have changed my mind cos once its ashes it can't be fixed. We were over a very long time before I could admit it to myself and my bar was so low by the time I was single again I was bowled over at any normal affection or care from anyone. I was ill one time and my son gave me his fleece blanket off his bed and I cried and he said "It's common humanity mom." My farmer friend took me out and he paid. That was a first for me. He opened doors and all for me. I was shocked at how I had put up with crumbs from my ex and it took some getting used to.
I think my heart needed to catch up with my brain when I got divorced. It's a bit like losing loads of weight quickly and feeling strange cos you're not used to it.
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Join Date: Dec 2017
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I can so relate to this. My RAH has been clean for 16 months and out of rehab for just over a year. He is doing really well sobriety wise and I will admit that he really has changed a lot for the better. I had asked hims every times to quit when things spun out of control and he would only to get aback to it before too long. About 17 moths ago I hit my limit and gave him an ultimatum and that's when he decided to get serious about it. Great, he is clean and doing better so I should be happy and grateful. But for me all those years really damaged the relationship, at least on my end since he was too shrunk to worry about his feelings for me. The last 2 years before I confronted him really we're the worst where I emotionally detached, physically there really had not been much for much longer than that. I had very little interest in him and mostly did my wifely duties. Coming to end where he was snoring a way and a room that smelled like alcohol really is a turn off and takes a toll after a few years of this.
Had it not been for my kid I probably would've left and not given him another chance. I have been going to weekly counseling and I still have a lot to work on myself. I don't do well with feelings (which predates him really) and I really detached from him. That's hard to come back from in my mind, I can't see myself getting to a point where I need to be to be a proper married couple. We do marriage counseling once a week as well. We still have a lot of stuff that needs to come out (especially from me) and I am at a point right now where I feel like it is mostly damage control and get things to where we can at least be functional and as we will have to deal with each other because of our kiddo. He had had 16 years with me so I deserve to take my time to see if I can get past this. And he is finally realizing that there should not be a time limit on this and needs to give me time to figure me out. I obvuosuly have my own issues otherwise I wouldn't be in the relationship to begin with. I just never realized how much I had my own crap that needed addressing (some of which predates him ). Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is at home it is improving some. I need to get to a point where I can make the right decision for ME. I'm great at neglecting myself and taking care of everyone else, it is so hard to not think about how what I feel will impact others. And sitting with feelings is hard for me , I've never done it until this past year. So that's stuff I have to learn. I definitely feel like I'm in a FOG although it is slowly improving but it is a work in progress .
Take your time, unless you're not safe there is no rush. If you're not doing individual counseling I really recommend you do that to help you process things. Alanon can be very helpful but individual counseling helps you focus on you personally and I don't feel like I could've figured out a lot of this stuff through alanon because some of it is very person and situation specific,
Take care of you, I know it isn't always easy and it is so hard not to worry about everyone else and what they might think. I feel like I should get over myself because he is doing so well. But it is hard to forget the years that got us to wheee we are now. And that's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through it themselves. It is hard enough for me to get it sometimes and I've been through it (good old guilt etc)
Had it not been for my kid I probably would've left and not given him another chance. I have been going to weekly counseling and I still have a lot to work on myself. I don't do well with feelings (which predates him really) and I really detached from him. That's hard to come back from in my mind, I can't see myself getting to a point where I need to be to be a proper married couple. We do marriage counseling once a week as well. We still have a lot of stuff that needs to come out (especially from me) and I am at a point right now where I feel like it is mostly damage control and get things to where we can at least be functional and as we will have to deal with each other because of our kiddo. He had had 16 years with me so I deserve to take my time to see if I can get past this. And he is finally realizing that there should not be a time limit on this and needs to give me time to figure me out. I obvuosuly have my own issues otherwise I wouldn't be in the relationship to begin with. I just never realized how much I had my own crap that needed addressing (some of which predates him ). Anyway, as uncomfortable as it is at home it is improving some. I need to get to a point where I can make the right decision for ME. I'm great at neglecting myself and taking care of everyone else, it is so hard to not think about how what I feel will impact others. And sitting with feelings is hard for me , I've never done it until this past year. So that's stuff I have to learn. I definitely feel like I'm in a FOG although it is slowly improving but it is a work in progress .
Take your time, unless you're not safe there is no rush. If you're not doing individual counseling I really recommend you do that to help you process things. Alanon can be very helpful but individual counseling helps you focus on you personally and I don't feel like I could've figured out a lot of this stuff through alanon because some of it is very person and situation specific,
Take care of you, I know it isn't always easy and it is so hard not to worry about everyone else and what they might think. I feel like I should get over myself because he is doing so well. But it is hard to forget the years that got us to wheee we are now. And that's hard for people to understand if they haven't been through it themselves. It is hard enough for me to get it sometimes and I've been through it (good old guilt etc)
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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I have awareness and I have acceptance. What I don't have is action. I think hope keeps me stuck. It's marriage hope that keeps it at status quo because I'm not willing to act on I'm *done*. Is it today or is it when this other thing happens? I accept below par because he offers enough crumbs my way. I've accepted that way of life.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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I can identify with alot of things in your posts, thank you. I guess, I sense something is different in him, he has gone counselling (as have I), coaching, etc. But I am harder of heart I think, I do still love him, I just don't trust him.
He wants to work on things but I keep thinking of the past, the pain, the crumbs, the many chances. I think of the effect on our kids, we are a transnational family. He could very well end up being a good husband to someone else (the idea saddens me), I told him this, he said he wanted to be a good husband to me only. More talk or honesty? I am not so sure.
He wants to work on things but I keep thinking of the past, the pain, the crumbs, the many chances. I think of the effect on our kids, we are a transnational family. He could very well end up being a good husband to someone else (the idea saddens me), I told him this, he said he wanted to be a good husband to me only. More talk or honesty? I am not so sure.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
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For me, I kept too many things to myself. I never addressed how I was feeling to him. I still don't know if it is good enough for me. It takes time. It comes to a point it has to be more action than words. I'm willing to talk but I've been starved by him not stepping up to what I need.
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Join Date: Jan 2018
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Originally Posted by Givenup2018
I can identify with alot of things in your posts, thank you. I guess, I sense something is different in him, he has gone counselling (as have I), coaching, etc. But I am harder of heart I think, I do still love him, I just don't trust him.
He wants to work on things but I keep thinking of the past, the pain, the crumbs, the many chances. I think of the effect on our kids, we are a transnational family. He could very well end up being a good husband to someone else (the idea saddens me), I told him this, he said he wanted to be a good husband to me only. More talk or honesty? I am not so sure.
He wants to work on things but I keep thinking of the past, the pain, the crumbs, the many chances. I think of the effect on our kids, we are a transnational family. He could very well end up being a good husband to someone else (the idea saddens me), I told him this, he said he wanted to be a good husband to me only. More talk or honesty? I am not so sure.
Good luck and best wishes for you!
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Spence, I agree about the past. Forgiveness is key but it rears it’s ugly head occassionally. I spoke with him on when we fight we dig it all up. We have both agreed not to look at anything more than a year old. More current events are on the table because they are current, and should not have happened imo. I’m just taking space, in my own room doing my own thing. We had a nice day out at the weekend. We could be good friends but I’m stuck on the marriage part. It used to really hurt me that he couldn’t see how disconnected we had become, now I’m sort of not bothered, it suits me to stay for now that’s all. Will we rekindle the marriage if he successfully stays sober and works his steps, I’m not sure .
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Givenup2018,
My wife and I are very much in love.... that was absolutely evident when we saw eachother this past weekend... the embrace we shared when we got together was very much like those that we would share in the early days of our romance. However, we have also both accepted that we will be rewriting the relationship that we had... almost starting over. We may rediscover things about our partner that we are no longer willing to overlook. Nothing is guaranteed in this life, so we may decide that friends is best afterall, but for now, we will take it one day at a time and are committed to our marriage.
Forgiveness is a tough thing... and is harder to give the longer the acts took place. However, as my therapist said.. once forgiven, it can never be taken back... and that means that it has to stay in the past. Your idea of not bringing things up from the past greater than a year ago is a decent rule, but hard to let something go when it is still being brought up. Therefore, it is not truly forgiven. Our rule is we can not bring up the past for malicious purposes... it may become necessary to talk about the past because of the current consequences/events, but we are not allowed to use it to make eachother feel bad.
You are figuring out what you need.. and you may or may not be able to get it from him anymore. Hopefully you can figure that out and move forward with him or without... but just taking up space is a waste of a life.
My wife and I are very much in love.... that was absolutely evident when we saw eachother this past weekend... the embrace we shared when we got together was very much like those that we would share in the early days of our romance. However, we have also both accepted that we will be rewriting the relationship that we had... almost starting over. We may rediscover things about our partner that we are no longer willing to overlook. Nothing is guaranteed in this life, so we may decide that friends is best afterall, but for now, we will take it one day at a time and are committed to our marriage.
Forgiveness is a tough thing... and is harder to give the longer the acts took place. However, as my therapist said.. once forgiven, it can never be taken back... and that means that it has to stay in the past. Your idea of not bringing things up from the past greater than a year ago is a decent rule, but hard to let something go when it is still being brought up. Therefore, it is not truly forgiven. Our rule is we can not bring up the past for malicious purposes... it may become necessary to talk about the past because of the current consequences/events, but we are not allowed to use it to make eachother feel bad.
You are figuring out what you need.. and you may or may not be able to get it from him anymore. Hopefully you can figure that out and move forward with him or without... but just taking up space is a waste of a life.
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I am not in the head space to make a life changing decision at the moment. Have a lot going on at work also so that keeps me preoccupied. I guess I expect transparency and honesty as I do not actually know what I am forgiving apart from his treatment of me. I am not sure whether he cheated on me for example, that would probably be a deal breaker for me (actually it would be). He cheated on me once 20 years ago after I gave birth to our child, but he told me almost immediately. I forgave that as we were in a bad place and separated for a few months. I know I would not let it go this time. I doubt he would ever tell me cause he knows how I feel about all that, drinking is one thing but cheating is a different ball game imo.
We get on well enough I suppose, we went out for dinner last night and had a good time, he makes me laugh we have lots to talk about (except us and our marriage). He has been dropping hints for me to move back into our bedroom but right now I do not want to.
I have reconciled myself to the fact I may not want to have an intimate relationship with him anymore. That idea used to gut me but not anymore, I might actually be quietly letting him go, I am confused on this.
I guess reality is sinking in. Why do we always have this hope that is totally misplaced?
On the outside looking in, I might say give it a shot for a year, then decide.
We get on well enough I suppose, we went out for dinner last night and had a good time, he makes me laugh we have lots to talk about (except us and our marriage). He has been dropping hints for me to move back into our bedroom but right now I do not want to.
I have reconciled myself to the fact I may not want to have an intimate relationship with him anymore. That idea used to gut me but not anymore, I might actually be quietly letting him go, I am confused on this.
I guess reality is sinking in. Why do we always have this hope that is totally misplaced?
On the outside looking in, I might say give it a shot for a year, then decide.
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Well the year is up and I am none the wiser tbh. I am calmer, more focused on myself. I know he is weak and doesn't have it in him (now) to actually stick to a program, it will always be because of stress, someone else, his employees, me and the 'demands' I make, blah blah blah. I have downloaded a quacking duck and have decided to use it for responses to his inane **** when we watsapp.........something to humour myself with 
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Givenup…...it sounds, to me, like you are still in a relative "comfort zone"...…
I think that we can plateau for periods of time....some times for long periods...and, sometimes for shorter periods....
One Universal fact....nothing stays the same forever....change is always in motion...sometimes, so slow that we don't even notice it...other times, it comes fast and unexpected.....but, it always comes.....
Focusing on yourself is a good thing....after all, your happiness is your own responsibility (like it or not...lol)….
As your life unfolds....you should gain more self awareness and clarity....
I think the quacking duck is a great idea!
I think that we can plateau for periods of time....some times for long periods...and, sometimes for shorter periods....
One Universal fact....nothing stays the same forever....change is always in motion...sometimes, so slow that we don't even notice it...other times, it comes fast and unexpected.....but, it always comes.....
Focusing on yourself is a good thing....after all, your happiness is your own responsibility (like it or not...lol)….
As your life unfolds....you should gain more self awareness and clarity....
I think the quacking duck is a great idea!
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While it's hard to accept, please realize it's absolutely ok to just work on getting through this one day, this one moment.
It's a very hard concept to embrace, but once you do, it will set your mind free from the worry of tomorrow.
It's a very hard concept to embrace, but once you do, it will set your mind free from the worry of tomorrow.
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Originally Posted by dandylion
Givenup…...it sounds, to me, like you are still in a relative "comfort zone"...…
I think that we can plateau for periods of time....some times for long periods...and, sometimes for shorter periods....
One Universal fact....nothing stays the same forever....change is always in motion...sometimes, so slow that we don't even notice it...other times, it comes fast and unexpected.....but, it always comes.....
Focusing on yourself is a good thing....after all, your happiness is your own responsibility (like it or not...lol)….
As your life unfolds....you should gain more self awareness and clarity....
I think the quacking duck is a great idea!
I think that we can plateau for periods of time....some times for long periods...and, sometimes for shorter periods....
One Universal fact....nothing stays the same forever....change is always in motion...sometimes, so slow that we don't even notice it...other times, it comes fast and unexpected.....but, it always comes.....
Focusing on yourself is a good thing....after all, your happiness is your own responsibility (like it or not...lol)….
As your life unfolds....you should gain more self awareness and clarity....
I think the quacking duck is a great idea!
I am still co-dependent, I thought I wasn't but examining some of my own behaviours in the last few weeks, show me that I am and I need to really work, do a deep deep work on me. I cannot change him or how he acts but I have to change me and how I react.
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It sounds a lot like grief, to me. Sitting with the truth, now that you have accepted it completely, is very sad. It's OK to sit with the grief. I think you are allowed that! When you are ready to make decisions, you will--whatever they may be.
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
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