Learning14

Dear Abby: Man puts drinking problem on display in widow?s yard - SFGate

Dear Abby: I’m a widowed senior who has been dating a very kind man, “Ben,” for three years. He’s retired; I am not. He does things for and with me, and we enjoy traveling together. The problem is, Ben usually starts drinking about 3 p.m. at the neighborhood bar. I’m welcome to join him, but I prefer to work at my job or volunteer in the community. By the grace of God, Ben has made it home safely every night, but I’m afraid he will eventually hurt someone. My son came home for a month because of a job change, and tonight he found Ben passed out in the front yard. I told my son I was sorry, and he said not to be, but he does not want his family — my grandchildren — around when Ben is like this. I am so embarrassed. I would miss this relationship, but I’m wondering if you think I should end it.
Missing the Good in Him

Dear Missing the Good: It must have been clear to you for some time that Ben has a serious drinking problem that needs to be addressed. Whether you should end the relationship depends upon whether he is willing to admit that he has a problem and is willing to do something about it. Because Ben’s drinking is now affecting you and, by extension, your family, it’s time to confront him and give him a choice — get help or find another lady friend. There are Alcoholics Anonymous groups worldwide and in almost every community. Steer Ben in that direction, and while you’re at it, locate the nearest Al-Anon group for yourself. You will find it both sympathetic and helpful. These groups are as close as your phone directory or your computer. Visit al-anon.org.

2ndhandrose

I read it this morning and I did think it was sound advice, especially as, as far as I know, Dear Abby doesn't specifically deal with addictions.

My only thought was, "too bad Abby didn't know about F&F on SR"

hopeful4

Dear Widowed Senior,

Run like hell.

aliciagr

I hate to say it but I agree. That poor lady. I just hope he had his pants on.

trailmix

Sorry but this made me laugh out loud

Learning14

Dear Widow sounds so naive and out of it...

CentralOhioDad

I think this is Dear Widow's first rodeo with an alkie. Probably a sweet older lady who never had to deal with this crap before. Many of our new posters around here sound about the same - I'm sure I did when I first started.

Mango blast

Dear Abby,

I've been dating a widow who suddenly decided she doesn't want me to have fun, be around her family or spend my afternoons with my friends. I think she's bipolar. Something is really wrong with her. And every time she says she's had it with my having fun, then she backs off a bit and starts being nice again.

Should I buy her roses or jewelry for Valentine's day?

Ben

Mango blast

Dear Ben,

Roses. Definitely roses.

Abby

firebolt

HAHA! You guys kill me!!

I think Abby is spot on - she just doesn't realize that she was trying to explain the obvious simple steps of what to do to a codie!

Clover71

I don't know about anyone else, but I never took a class in school on how to deal with loving an addict

Spinner-007

Widowed Senior, ditto on this.

He's made his choice daily at 3pm and it's the drink.

Going in any deeper with this guy is only going to cost you far more than you're even aware of.

If companionship is what you want, you will find it in someone who's walking the same path.

And it doesn't look like your path is to the bar.

Peace to you!

maia1234

I liked Abby's response. Respectful to her and him.

Learning14

I get that, but the fact that her son had to tell her the grandkids won't be around this crazy behavior.