New and saying hi!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 27
New and saying hi!
Hey! I am 25 years old and am a recovering heroin addict (2 years) and a loved one of an addict/alcoholic.
6 months ago I finally got up the courage to leave my husband after an extreme bout of emotional abuse triggered by a day long drinking binge that started at 6 in the morning and appeared to have no end in sight.
My husband destroyed my self esteem and warped my view of what love and respect truly is. In these last 6 months I have been on the beginning of my search to find who I am, separate from him, and I cannot remember a time when I felt more free. He made me feel so useless, talked to me like I was a useless ***** that he basically had the burden of being stuck with. I spent days and days begging him to forgive me for things that I never did and that he just made up in his head. I was so desperate for his love that I forgot who I was.
I thought that it might help to have a community to reach out to for advice, to vent, to try to help others, etc. As much as I have surrounded myself with family that truly love and care for me (I moved back home with my mom to work on myself) it would be so nice to be able to talk to other people who have been there, are going through it, or just understand. I feel like it is hard for people to truly understand how all encompassing codependency is. When I look back I swear I feel like I was in a whole different universe and it breaks my heart to think that I allowed my life to go on like that for so long.
Today is a good day however
I worked for 10 hours and that always makes me feel empowered because when I was with my husband I was not allowed to even hold a dollar of our money and now I have a savings account that is all mine!
Just wanted to say hi! It is impossible to write a full introduction but I figured I would just start here.
Dani.
6 months ago I finally got up the courage to leave my husband after an extreme bout of emotional abuse triggered by a day long drinking binge that started at 6 in the morning and appeared to have no end in sight.
My husband destroyed my self esteem and warped my view of what love and respect truly is. In these last 6 months I have been on the beginning of my search to find who I am, separate from him, and I cannot remember a time when I felt more free. He made me feel so useless, talked to me like I was a useless ***** that he basically had the burden of being stuck with. I spent days and days begging him to forgive me for things that I never did and that he just made up in his head. I was so desperate for his love that I forgot who I was.
I thought that it might help to have a community to reach out to for advice, to vent, to try to help others, etc. As much as I have surrounded myself with family that truly love and care for me (I moved back home with my mom to work on myself) it would be so nice to be able to talk to other people who have been there, are going through it, or just understand. I feel like it is hard for people to truly understand how all encompassing codependency is. When I look back I swear I feel like I was in a whole different universe and it breaks my heart to think that I allowed my life to go on like that for so long.
Today is a good day however
I worked for 10 hours and that always makes me feel empowered because when I was with my husband I was not allowed to even hold a dollar of our money and now I have a savings account that is all mine!Just wanted to say hi! It is impossible to write a full introduction but I figured I would just start here.
Dani.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Hi Danielle, welcome and congratulations both on your sobriety, and on leaving what sounds like a very abusive relationship.
I'd say that nearly all of us who left our addicts regret not doing it sooner but we can't change the past. You're very young, you have a long life ahead of you, you deserve to be respected and treated well and you've made huge steps.
Congratulations also on earning and having your own money! It's absolutely empowering to do that. That you were "not allowed to even hold a dollar" by your husband is financial abuse.
Stick around, this is a good place.
I'd say that nearly all of us who left our addicts regret not doing it sooner but we can't change the past. You're very young, you have a long life ahead of you, you deserve to be respected and treated well and you've made huge steps.
Congratulations also on earning and having your own money! It's absolutely empowering to do that. That you were "not allowed to even hold a dollar" by your husband is financial abuse.
Stick around, this is a good place.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 415
Welcome Dani!
Congratulations on your sobriety! And on having your own checking account! I recently opened my very own account and know the feeling although the reasons I had to do it were overwhelming.
You have come to the right place! Also glad you had a good day today!
You have a long wonderful life ahead of you!
Peace and hugs to you!
Congratulations on your sobriety! And on having your own checking account! I recently opened my very own account and know the feeling although the reasons I had to do it were overwhelming.
You have come to the right place! Also glad you had a good day today!
You have a long wonderful life ahead of you!
Peace and hugs to you!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome Dani!
My heart is warmed when I hear of anyone who can and has recovered from H. So I want to commend you on that!!! Wonderful!
It sounds like you were in a bad place and working to find YOU, and that is a wonderful thing! Welcome to SR, we are glad you are here!
My heart is warmed when I hear of anyone who can and has recovered from H. So I want to commend you on that!!! Wonderful!
It sounds like you were in a bad place and working to find YOU, and that is a wonderful thing! Welcome to SR, we are glad you are here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by 53500 
Hi Danielle, welcome and congratulations both on your sobriety, and on leaving what sounds like a very abusive relationship.
I'd say that nearly all of us who left our addicts regret not doing it sooner but we can't change the past. You're very young, you have a long life ahead of you, you deserve to be respected and treated well and you've made huge steps.
Congratulations also on earning and having your own money! It's absolutely empowering to do that. That you were "not allowed to even hold a dollar" by your husband is financial abuse.
Stick around, this is a good place.
I'd say that nearly all of us who left our addicts regret not doing it sooner but we can't change the past. You're very young, you have a long life ahead of you, you deserve to be respected and treated well and you've made huge steps.
Congratulations also on earning and having your own money! It's absolutely empowering to do that. That you were "not allowed to even hold a dollar" by your husband is financial abuse.
Stick around, this is a good place.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 27
Thank you so much Hopeful! I honestly feel like leaving my husband was harder then getting sober. Getting sober was much more cut and dry and difficult in a different way, but leaving him brought me to the brink and back.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Welcome Danielle. I so glad you found us. You sound like an amazing person who has been through quite a bit in your young life.
Most of us recommend reading Codependent No More . Melody Beatie, the author, is like you a "double winner" (recovered drug addict and married a user).
Let us know how you are doing and I hope we all can be of some support.
Most of us recommend reading Codependent No More . Melody Beatie, the author, is like you a "double winner" (recovered drug addict and married a user).
Let us know how you are doing and I hope we all can be of some support.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I see what you are saying. Keep working on you, and your own recovery. Keep posting, you are not alone!
Originally Posted by Danielle423
Thank you so much Hopeful! I honestly feel like leaving my husband was harder then getting sober. Getting sober was much more cut and dry and difficult in a different way, but leaving him brought me to the brink and back.
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