Son Relapse
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 1
Son Relapse
I was here several years back but can't remember the name that I used. My son is now 26 and has been sober for nearly two years. He has relapsed tonight. Basically I got a text that said he wasn't coming home and then his old behavior started surfacing.
I am so sick to my stomach. I honestly want to say that he knew he would no longer live with us if he is using but then I realize I need to see exactly where he is before I kick him out. He is a regular AA attender and has great AA friends. So this may be one of those slips or could be a full blown relapse.
Mostly I'm just sad and at 2 am I can't really share with anyone so came here.
I am so sick to my stomach. I honestly want to say that he knew he would no longer live with us if he is using but then I realize I need to see exactly where he is before I kick him out. He is a regular AA attender and has great AA friends. So this may be one of those slips or could be a full blown relapse.
Mostly I'm just sad and at 2 am I can't really share with anyone so came here.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Desperate, I'm so sorry you're in this situation, and I'm so sorry your son has relapsed.
If you have set the condition of him not being allowed to live w/you if he relapses, then you need to enforce it. I'm sure you know it won't do anyone any good if you backpedal or waver on this.
As you say, he has contacts, tools and knowledge from AA and his previous sobriety. If he makes the choice to use them, he can come back to recovery. He KNOWS what to do, but he is the only one who can choose it. Take care of yourself (Alanon and SR?), and let him take care of himself.
Welcome back to SR.
If you have set the condition of him not being allowed to live w/you if he relapses, then you need to enforce it. I'm sure you know it won't do anyone any good if you backpedal or waver on this.
As you say, he has contacts, tools and knowledge from AA and his previous sobriety. If he makes the choice to use them, he can come back to recovery. He KNOWS what to do, but he is the only one who can choose it. Take care of yourself (Alanon and SR?), and let him take care of himself.
Welcome back to SR.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 5,384
I am a recovering alcoholic who now has long term sobriety. I was just like your son at one time. I used to be a chronic, relapse prone alcoholic and caused lots of heartache and pain to my parents, especially my mother.
There would be times in my late teens and 20's where I would live with my parents and then my mom after my parents got divorced on the condition I stay sober, go to meetings, and hold a full time job. A couple times I got kicked out of the house only to come back again because of my mother's love.
My mother was hurt and devastated that her son had turned out to be the way I was but never gave up on me and put me through 3 rehab centers. By the time I reached 29 years old I entered my third rehab center and miraculously finally got the program for good and I now have 25 years of sobriety!
My mom is now in poor health and lives alone in an assisted living home. I work long hours, am married, have two sons in their 20's, but I make sure I visit my mom every Sunday morning for one hour every week of the year!
We have good talks and love each other as a mom and son should. Many times we talk about how grateful we are that I've been sober this long and it's a miracle I finally got and stayed sober. I also thank her for not giving up on me and for all the help she gave me!
There would be times in my late teens and 20's where I would live with my parents and then my mom after my parents got divorced on the condition I stay sober, go to meetings, and hold a full time job. A couple times I got kicked out of the house only to come back again because of my mother's love.
My mother was hurt and devastated that her son had turned out to be the way I was but never gave up on me and put me through 3 rehab centers. By the time I reached 29 years old I entered my third rehab center and miraculously finally got the program for good and I now have 25 years of sobriety!
My mom is now in poor health and lives alone in an assisted living home. I work long hours, am married, have two sons in their 20's, but I make sure I visit my mom every Sunday morning for one hour every week of the year!
We have good talks and love each other as a mom and son should. Many times we talk about how grateful we are that I've been sober this long and it's a miracle I finally got and stayed sober. I also thank her for not giving up on me and for all the help she gave me!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
Hang in there. Hopefully it's just "a" relapse. At that age it could be his 'friends' or hangouts as much as anything.
Having family with long running issues going back to their teen years/young adult it was written off as got in with the wrong crowd . At that time the crowd had far worse issues. But 'the crowd' hit their bottom, went to rehab or simply moved on-literally. By getting away from the crowd that got them into trouble they also got away from their drug and alcohol issues and were on the road to quite successful lives. Family did not MOVE on. The same environment, location, neighborhood, friends kept them at a high school maturity level. By not moving on literally they did not learn to rely on themselves or handle new things, settings and people.
I say this because your son is young enough that the same old stuff/environment could be part of the issue. I would encourage new or different things because by the time they hit 30 a mindset and habits will be entrenched and will take alot of time and money to straighten them out.
Good Luck
Having family with long running issues going back to their teen years/young adult it was written off as got in with the wrong crowd . At that time the crowd had far worse issues. But 'the crowd' hit their bottom, went to rehab or simply moved on-literally. By getting away from the crowd that got them into trouble they also got away from their drug and alcohol issues and were on the road to quite successful lives. Family did not MOVE on. The same environment, location, neighborhood, friends kept them at a high school maturity level. By not moving on literally they did not learn to rely on themselves or handle new things, settings and people.
I say this because your son is young enough that the same old stuff/environment could be part of the issue. I would encourage new or different things because by the time they hit 30 a mindset and habits will be entrenched and will take alot of time and money to straighten them out.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
DA,
I am so sorry, its as crushing for you as it is for him. I would advise you to hit an alanon or open aa meeting for support.
His sobriety is just that, his sobriety. He has aa family that he can reach out too. I agree with honeypig, if you threaten to kick him out you have to follow through. Tough love is hard, but if he feels that he has a nice warm bed to come home to, he is less likely to seek help. As they say it really has to be bad for him to seek support. I would also not offer another rehab, as he knows what he needs to do.
It is self care for you and give him to God!! I am truly sorry!!
I am so sorry, its as crushing for you as it is for him. I would advise you to hit an alanon or open aa meeting for support.
His sobriety is just that, his sobriety. He has aa family that he can reach out too. I agree with honeypig, if you threaten to kick him out you have to follow through. Tough love is hard, but if he feels that he has a nice warm bed to come home to, he is less likely to seek help. As they say it really has to be bad for him to seek support. I would also not offer another rehab, as he knows what he needs to do.
It is self care for you and give him to God!! I am truly sorry!!
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