Suzette33

It is not a job. It is a volunteer opportunity where I get to help acclimate a wild mountain lion into captivity. This is a once in a life time opportunity.

And I can leave whenever I need to.

Life does depend on other people's actions. A relationship of 5 years will require navigation to unravel from. If he is civil and cool, I can stay in a safe place and mske strong boundaries. If he is irratic and dangerous then I might have to flee. So it does matter what he does. My decisions are in part made by how others behave.

Is this forum really supposed to be second guessing people's heart felt decisions and in a not so subtle way insulting them?

I could actually use a couple "ada boys" "way to get off the roller coaster" I am finding this very difficult to say goodbye to a person I built a life with for so long. But It is playing havok on me it's really hurting me, and now coming to the last place to find some support I just get judgement. Frustrating.

dandylion

Suzette...your situation is rather unique, in some ways....and it is hard for people to know how to respond if they don't know some of the critical details....
I hope that your plans work out well, for you....
Working with the mountain lion sounds beyond interesting!

Ladybird579

help acclimate a wild mountain lion into captivity.

Why do you want to help put a wild creature in to a prison? Am not judging you..am stunned.

dandylion

Oh....I misread....I thought that the mountain lion was being RELEASED from captivity...?

Suzette33

He is too injured to be put back in the wild & was badly burned in wildfires. He is going to be an ambassador animal in one of the best rescues in the country with a mate who is accepting him. If he didn't have this opportunity he would be put down. This is excellent experience for what actually goes on in wildlife rescue.

Suzette33

Thank you.
I have always been very different. But there are universal themes of every alcoholic relationship that I just need support with. Seems to me some folks are really trying to help maybe others get a kick out of messing with vulnerable people. I appriciate your sweet comment.
One thing my cousin said that is keeping me on track is not to settle for anything less than 100% dedication. When you are with a man who you know adores you but is caught in a self destructive spiral and won't get help, refusing to be pulled down with him can be a challenge. It is universal and all I am seeking support for...

trailmix

Hi Suzette,

I also sense some judgement etc in some replies. Take what you want and leave the rest.

Your situation is unique. The thing is, what I see (and please correct me if i'm wrong - because I could be!) You are with a man who IS in a self destructive spiral. Within that you state that he treats you horribly (based on your descriptions you are not wrong on that, he does treat you absolutely horribly).

You post that you broke up with him (which you have several times) but unblock him two days later so he can contribute to your expenses? Honestly, unless he owes you money, I don't get it either. Even if he does, perhaps setting out a repayment plan would be a good idea, in writing?

On the one hand you say you are saving yourself and on the other you are waiting for him to cough up the rent.

That's confusing for us out here, we only have bits and pieces of this story. Not saying you need to share any more than you have, just want you to know.

On the one hand you take out your savings to move to Hawaii and then apply for support.

Anyway, just want to explain why some responses (well I can only speak for myself) are maybe not helpful.

I'm not sure what you want help with? (meant kindly).

trailmix

Just to add, that is why there are no ada boys. That would be wrong, imo, you unblocked him. Anyone who would say that's great for you wouldn't be helping you.

honeypig

Suzette, you have nothing to prove to anyone here, or anywhere else, for that matter. You are spending an awful lot of energy justifying your actions and condemning members for not understanding you or giving you what you want.

Ultimately, the only person who needs to understand or approve of your actions is you. The final responsibility for your happiness is your own.

If you feel it isn't helpful or healthy for you to be here, then perhaps the kindest thing you can do for yourself is to move on. YOU can say when it ends, just as you can in your relationship w/your A.

Seren

Good morning Suzette,

I really am sorry for all that you have been through with this man. I hope that your degree work is going well, and that it will help you to move into a bright, joyous, and peaceful future.

I will never tell you what you should or should not do as far as your relationship with this man is concerned. Sometimes, even when we know the 'right' things to do, it is oh, so hard to do them.

I am sorry you feel so isolated, too. Have you made friends at your uni? Perhaps you could plan a movie night out with some of them? Movies and bowling were staples of my social life in graduate school

You have every right to choose your own path. Hang in there! There is a bright future for you if you just keep working toward it!

Seren

The Ignore Function: Just as a reminder. If you are not happy with the way someone posts, please make use of the Ignore Function. If you feel compelled to call someone out on a thread, please take it to Private Message.

No one who arrives at SR does so because their life is a bowl of cherries. We have all been through it to one extent or another because someone we love is addicted. Please remember that mutual respect of each other's experience is important.

DesertEyes

Thank you everybody for your support. This thread has run it's course and it's time to respond to others.

I am closing this thread.

Mike
Moderator, SR