How do I just walk away?
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Originally Posted by 53500 
Yes, your post brought back memories from nearly 40 years ago when I dumped my addict fiance 6 weeks before our wedding date. He had told me, the day before on the phone that he "had a few beers". I knew what was coming. He'd been sober for over a year but the shift in attitude came and I had told myself - not him - if he has one more drink, if he gets high one more time - we're done.
We were together four years and, like so many others, I thought our love was so great and wonderful and special he'd stay sober to keep it.
I felt like I was in shock for a couple of weeks. I had to tell everyone, cancel the wedding plans, return gifts, etc.
After a while it all lifted and I felt like I'd crawled out from under a rock. What an incredible relief to be free of the addict drama, the never-ending fear of relapse and all the crap that comes with it.
It sounds like you're starting to see the light that comes from pushing away that rock. Hang in there Xia, it gets better.
We were together four years and, like so many others, I thought our love was so great and wonderful and special he'd stay sober to keep it.
I felt like I was in shock for a couple of weeks. I had to tell everyone, cancel the wedding plans, return gifts, etc.
After a while it all lifted and I felt like I'd crawled out from under a rock. What an incredible relief to be free of the addict drama, the never-ending fear of relapse and all the crap that comes with it.
It sounds like you're starting to see the light that comes from pushing away that rock. Hang in there Xia, it gets better.
I like the visual of climbing out from under a rock...
Thanks again for sharing. It helps so much as I struggle through.
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Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by keepingthefaith
(((Hugs)))
Xia, your feelings aren't silly. They are natural and normal for what you're going through.
KTF
Xia, your feelings aren't silly. They are natural and normal for what you're going through.
KTF
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Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 18
I feel your pain
When they have an obvious addicted personality in the beginning it hurts so bad to watch it get worse until u must end the relationship and get off the crazy train. But when your husband seemed for five years, like the man you always wanted then u see the gradual decline of EVERYTHING that u loved, about him, it was like watching a mental patient off of his meds. The mind boggling rationalizations, the disappearing acts, the disrespectful words and behavior, drunk driving and accidents.
Who was this new man? I would have avoided him like the plague if i had known. I don't blame him for his illness at all. I have a problem with him choosing to stay that way. We were together nine years. The last three were hell. I love him. I miss him. But that man i loved has been gone for three years.
I told him to stop holding my man hostage. I begged that psycho alkie to give him back to me and he promised he would. A promise from a sleeping in his car on purpose in the dead of winter, drunk. Right. There's very good advice here. I've taken all of it. No contact. Al anon and taking better care of myself. Living with an active alcoholic who thinks that you're the problem goes no place but down. And i let him go before he dragged me with him.'
Who was this new man? I would have avoided him like the plague if i had known. I don't blame him for his illness at all. I have a problem with him choosing to stay that way. We were together nine years. The last three were hell. I love him. I miss him. But that man i loved has been gone for three years.
I told him to stop holding my man hostage. I begged that psycho alkie to give him back to me and he promised he would. A promise from a sleeping in his car on purpose in the dead of winter, drunk. Right. There's very good advice here. I've taken all of it. No contact. Al anon and taking better care of myself. Living with an active alcoholic who thinks that you're the problem goes no place but down. And i let him go before he dragged me with him.'
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