Mango blast

I'm sick of going back into the chaos. I really, REALLY am. Yet I keep having these thoughts of calling or texting AH to at least say, "if you want help, you'll need to find it yourself this time."

He hasn't asked for help. He hasn't apologized for anything. For months he's been abusive even before relapsing.

I am doing everything I need to in order to stay in No Contact.

I'm going to another Alanon meeting tomorrow. I'm laying the groundwork for starting a small business (forward motion without my husband). I'm going to call a domestic violence help center after DS goes to sleep tonight.

Ariesagain

You would just be handing him back the hammer to smack you with.

It doesn’t matter what you would say. All he would hear is that you’re still obsessing about him,,,which might mean you’d sign up for another stint of enabling if he needs one someday.

Don’t open that door, not even a tiny bit. You know what’s out there, yes?

Sending you strength and a hug.

Bekindalways

Yep they are our addiction.

Alcoholics develop techniques of riding the craving. Can you give that a try? I've actually never heard of a codependent doing this.

Hang tough and stay close!

hopeful4

It's hard to break the chain, but you can do it. Did you call?? How did that go??

hugs!

Mango blast

Fell asleep while listening to bedtime stories with DS and slept straight through to this morning.

First thing I did was walk outside, breathed deeply, enjoyed having nature around me... falling colorful leaves, fragrant pine trees, birds and deer nearby.

It's so good to know I can call for help when I need to... even better to be back in a really good place mentally today.

Started today with more meditation. Reading support threads from yesterday. Feeling really solid and good about life.

Mango blast

So very thankful my addictive thoughts of wanting to "help" or that I'm a bad wife/mother are coming up less often and going away quicker. Going to an Alanon meeting tonight. I have the help center's phone number if I need it.

One day at a time. One step at a time.

Rosie2017

One step at a time. I just keep reminding myself of how far I've come. It might be difficult, it might be lonely, but at least it's mine. I'm done getting swept up in someone's else crisis and drama. The sunshine, the leaves and the pines sound so beautiful. I'm glad you got a good night's sleep and that you are feeling so solid. You sound so strong!

hopeful4

You are so right. It is one day, sometimes one moment at a time.

Big hugs!

AnvilheadII

that would have been a NON-message:

IF you want help, DON'T ask me.

his need for help, desire for help, finding of help is all HIM. you left in part to remove yourself from the "help addiction" - and to give him complete autonomy over his own life.

Mango blast

I've been going to Alanon meetings, talked with an abuse recovery counselor, went to a domestic abuse recovery meeting... did a guided meditation, group shares and art therapy there. It was laid back, yet a much more intense experience for me than I was expecting. Working through a lot of things this week.

Waking up safe and in a good mood... and sadness hits. I feel it, let it flow... this sucks... I embrace that -- I used to fight it and that never helped -- then I find something in life to enjoy again and keep moving forward.

One day at a time.

The week sucks. It's intense. It's very good... been swimming, eating well, resting. Somewhere there's a balance. Beautiful fall leaves, driving with the radio on, thankful for THIS day, each day.

hopeful4

You are doing all the right things KTF. Sometimes the brain and body work ahead of the heart, but it will catch up too.

Hugs.

Bekindalways

Keepingthefaith, you sure nailed the description of walking away from an addict. Just keep taking that next-right-step.