I just need a place to vent and commiserate
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Hi Cpage,
You're not alone. So many of us have been through similarities of the pain of this disease of alcoholism/addiction.
Stick around. Keep posting.
In this disease, as in life, things always change. They either get better, or worse. We're here for both times, and the day to day journey of this... we've been through this, too, in one way or another. If you're curious and want to start exploring links, do so.
If you simply need a sounding board, do so. Yes, I have TRULY been there, too.
Listen to your heart. Go with your gut. Learn to trust YOURSELF no matter what anyone else is saying. That is the absolute biggest, bestest gift I've been given here in these forums.
You're not alone. So many of us have been through similarities of the pain of this disease of alcoholism/addiction.
Stick around. Keep posting.
In this disease, as in life, things always change. They either get better, or worse. We're here for both times, and the day to day journey of this... we've been through this, too, in one way or another. If you're curious and want to start exploring links, do so.
If you simply need a sounding board, do so. Yes, I have TRULY been there, too.
Listen to your heart. Go with your gut. Learn to trust YOURSELF no matter what anyone else is saying. That is the absolute biggest, bestest gift I've been given here in these forums.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Hello and welcome. I am glad you are here.
I know for myself, when I felt I had no choice but stay, I began working on ME. On staying on my own side of the street.
I did this in a few ways.
1. I made a boundary that XAH could not drink around me. First he drank at our house, and I got sick of having to take the kids out, and they got sick of going places, so I changed it that he could not be home if he was drinking.
2. I stopped covering for him. If someone asked where he was at the many events he missed, I told them the truth. For YEARS I covered. I began telling the truth that he had been drinking and could not be there. This enraged him, but I got tired of covering for his behavior.
3. This brings me to the next point. I stopped hiding in shame, told my family and friends what was going on, and reached out for help for ME and my children, as I felt like I was losing my sanity.
4. I joined Celebrate Recovery. Wonderful people who helped me through dark days.
5. I went to therapy with a therapist who specialized in helping families who deal with addiction. Alone. For me. This way, no matter what would happen next, I was prepared and strong enough to handle it, one way or another.
6. I got back where my heart is, with my faith. I stopped staying home to babysit my XAH and began going to events that were for me. If he chose to go, fine. If not, I could not put my life on hold any longer.
Keep moving forward a step at a time. Take what helps, ignore the rest.
Gentle hugs.
I know for myself, when I felt I had no choice but stay, I began working on ME. On staying on my own side of the street.
I did this in a few ways.
1. I made a boundary that XAH could not drink around me. First he drank at our house, and I got sick of having to take the kids out, and they got sick of going places, so I changed it that he could not be home if he was drinking.
2. I stopped covering for him. If someone asked where he was at the many events he missed, I told them the truth. For YEARS I covered. I began telling the truth that he had been drinking and could not be there. This enraged him, but I got tired of covering for his behavior.
3. This brings me to the next point. I stopped hiding in shame, told my family and friends what was going on, and reached out for help for ME and my children, as I felt like I was losing my sanity.
4. I joined Celebrate Recovery. Wonderful people who helped me through dark days.
5. I went to therapy with a therapist who specialized in helping families who deal with addiction. Alone. For me. This way, no matter what would happen next, I was prepared and strong enough to handle it, one way or another.
6. I got back where my heart is, with my faith. I stopped staying home to babysit my XAH and began going to events that were for me. If he chose to go, fine. If not, I could not put my life on hold any longer.
Keep moving forward a step at a time. Take what helps, ignore the rest.
Gentle hugs.
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