Mango blast

I was severely psychologically and emotionally abused as a child, as a teenager and as an adult by both my father and mother. The two people who should have loved me chose to hate and abuse me. My brain developed differently because of this. A smaller hippocampus, different wiring of the neurons.

I have a faulty guidance system. This is changing. My brain can heal, and is. My body is still releasing incredible pain that I've suffered and have held physically without realizing.

I am getting stronger, physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. I am no longer a victim. I have no contact with my abusers. They are no longer family. I get to choose new thoughts, actions, people in my life, and to embrace recovery like my life depends on it... because it does. I now know how much I've suffered. I see it, I feel it, I know it deep within even when some old faulty memories glitch up... which happens less and less often.

I get to choose to no longer be a victim... I've been going through many layers of healing... I'm becoming my own hero.

As I looked at where I was... I stayed stuck right where I was.

Looking forward to where I wanted to be has brought me there.

This continues to work in bringing about wonderful changes in my life.

Today... I choose joy.

aasharon90

Thank you keepingthefaith for sharing
your story and thank you for letting me
know that I too am not alone in this similar
situation as you.

Often I feel alone not having anyone
else who has been thru childhood abuse
by the hand or hands of sick parent to
talk with or someone who understands.

Altho, I have been sober and in recovery
for a number of yrs, I still have those unwanting
thoughts of my life as a child all the way
to my adult life today.

Having been taught about my addiction
and applying a recovery program to all
areas of my life has kept me sober and
healthy and childhood thoughts at bay.

Victims we were, survivors we are.

I still feel firm in my thoughts that NO
child or anyone should ever be abused,
mentally, physically, verbally, emotionally
att he hands of another.

However, as a child, I had no choice
when it came to a sick parent dealing
with her own demons. She brought
the abuse she sustained as a child into
her family and out of 4 kids she abused
me. Why? I don't really know.

She was a beautiful, functioning adult
that seemed to single me out, bully me,
abuse me and no one in my family
came to my rescue. Why? I don't know.

Sad sad sad tho. However, thru my
Catholic up bringing, schooling, church,
faith in God of my understanding, I prayed
often to Him and thru all the pain and
anguish, addiction, I am here sober, alive
and well.

Thank You Lord.

Today, I too have no contact with family
and have place them all into the Hands
of my Higher Power because I don't know
what to do with them except that what
happened in the past was and today I'm
safe, protected, loved and cared for.

Forgive them for they know what they
do or did. I do believe she knew exactly
what she was doing to me. However, today,
I know I needed to learn to forgive in
order for me to move forward and live
a successful, sober life.

Forgive but never forget.

Thank you.

shauna71

Thank you so, so much for your post!

"As I looked at where I was... I stayed stuck right where I was.

Looking forward to where I wanted to be has brought me there."

I'm printing it up and sticking it ... everywhere!!!!

Mango blast

TODAY I am no longer afraid of my parents.

That is FREEING and the is nothing I will trade or sacrifice for this freedom. I will protect myself and DS10. We will no longer be abused by anyone.

stephengb

keepingthefaith, noticed you had been here since 2004 and have read some of the posts you have made over the years. You have had a tough time and seem amazingly stoic my heart goes out to you. You and your son deserve a better future.