What should I do?
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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What should I do?
I think my HP just threw me some fuel for my dieing fire - I just found out my AH received a Disorderly Conduct ticket 2 weeks ago (before he "quit" drinking) for peeing in public...he was drunk of course. He paid the ticket out a week ago. Of course he didn't tell me about it, I found out by looking at the Clerk of Courts website. Once again, he hides something from me.
Should I confront him?
Should I confront him?
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I know that I would want to confront my AH too.......I know how bad I want to hear the truth, and I want honesty......but I already know the truth.......I think that he would end up getting defensive.....and it wouldnt get me anywhere......I would feel bad......and he would feel bad........and somehow he would turn everything into my fault......so I now say it not worth my energy or strength to know what the inevitable would be..........
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
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Jess,
Hurrah for you for not reacting and immediately calling your AH on this. You're using your tools. I recall posting something similar some time back and I wanted everyone to say, you should shine a light on the occurance. But I got the same response as Blondie, and I have to say that I didn't like it but it was for the best.
When Blondie asks "what do do expect to gain?" it takes me right back. I can still feel/hear/identify the thoughts I had. I wanted her to act like a grown up, to see what was wrong with the picture, to realize that she was not the center of the universe, that it did matter - possibly very seriously - how she handled the situation. But now looking at it - I wanted her to be sane. Something I right well knew she wasn't and still isn't. But that didn't stop me from wanting to make her see things differently.
Ohh the frustration of our disease...it surrounds us and drags us down some days, like a wet jacket, soaked through. But we can slip out of the jacket and feel the weight drop away. Blondie and Gracey speak the truth. But sometimes it hard for us to listen.
Hugs
Petunia
Hurrah for you for not reacting and immediately calling your AH on this. You're using your tools. I recall posting something similar some time back and I wanted everyone to say, you should shine a light on the occurance. But I got the same response as Blondie, and I have to say that I didn't like it but it was for the best.
When Blondie asks "what do do expect to gain?" it takes me right back. I can still feel/hear/identify the thoughts I had. I wanted her to act like a grown up, to see what was wrong with the picture, to realize that she was not the center of the universe, that it did matter - possibly very seriously - how she handled the situation. But now looking at it - I wanted her to be sane. Something I right well knew she wasn't and still isn't. But that didn't stop me from wanting to make her see things differently.
Ohh the frustration of our disease...it surrounds us and drags us down some days, like a wet jacket, soaked through. But we can slip out of the jacket and feel the weight drop away. Blondie and Gracey speak the truth. But sometimes it hard for us to listen.
Hugs
Petunia
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Blondie thanks for being so forward. You got me thinking.
Gracey I would also be repeating myself if I did question him, you know about the whole trust issue.
Petunia thanks for the HURRAH - I didn't think about it as using my tools by not calling him right away, which normally would have been my first reaction. I guess I am learning some things after all.
You know what Kathy - he does think he's being slick and that pisses me off more than him lying to me. What good is a marriage if you live by the motto, what she don't know won't hurt.
I've been second guessing myself these last few days because he's been kinder and helping out a lot more.... being there for me when I needed it. I understand he was drunk when it happened, but he was sober when he paid the ticket and didn't bother to say anything about it to me. So in escense, he's still hiding things from me.
I let my guard down and he thought he was winning, my HP put me back in line though.
Thank you all for being here.
Gracey I would also be repeating myself if I did question him, you know about the whole trust issue.
Petunia thanks for the HURRAH - I didn't think about it as using my tools by not calling him right away, which normally would have been my first reaction. I guess I am learning some things after all.
You know what Kathy - he does think he's being slick and that pisses me off more than him lying to me. What good is a marriage if you live by the motto, what she don't know won't hurt.
I've been second guessing myself these last few days because he's been kinder and helping out a lot more.... being there for me when I needed it. I understand he was drunk when it happened, but he was sober when he paid the ticket and didn't bother to say anything about it to me. So in escense, he's still hiding things from me.
I let my guard down and he thought he was winning, my HP put me back in line though.
Thank you all for being here.
Dont Fade Away,,,,....
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 21
depending on where you guys are, if he's doing well, and the both of you are strong...let go...if you feel he is still hiding things from you and it is keeping you from health, then by all means, open your heart and mouth,...the only thing is that I would ask for support and suggestions, and maybe think, well, he peed, he got caught, paid his price, and he most likely didn't tell you because he was ashamed....
goodluck on your decisions.....
T
goodluck on your decisions.....
T
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Jess
I had a similar dilemma today. My A b/f has been to AA for the past couple of weeks. Last week he came back with a 2 month chip. Because that's when he stopped drinking, but was not in recovery. Except I know and he knows that he has had more than one drink in the past month. And in secret, which has been his particular thing.
I really really wanted to ask him about it. But then I realised that I had nothing to gain from asking him. He probably knows he's fooling himself. And if he doesn't, then he's still in denial about his drinking. In either case, my words will not help.
I would keep it to yourself.
Well done for not reacting.
I had a similar dilemma today. My A b/f has been to AA for the past couple of weeks. Last week he came back with a 2 month chip. Because that's when he stopped drinking, but was not in recovery. Except I know and he knows that he has had more than one drink in the past month. And in secret, which has been his particular thing.
I really really wanted to ask him about it. But then I realised that I had nothing to gain from asking him. He probably knows he's fooling himself. And if he doesn't, then he's still in denial about his drinking. In either case, my words will not help.
I would keep it to yourself.
Well done for not reacting.
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